Memories ON HIATUS
by Holli-chan
Summary: I suck at summaries, so you'll have to read the stupid story. Full of MxM goodness. Rated T for later chapters, rating may change if i get the guts to write more smutty stuff. MxM, wammy boys look back on their life mostly matt and mel POV, some near 2
1. Introduction

**Matt**

In the entire world, there are only a few things that I need to live. Video games, computers, goggles, oxygen, and sleep. In that order. Those are the things that kept me alive until the day I died, and all of it was because of Mello.

Mello… well he was an entirely different story. I didn't need him - I was OWNED by him. Beyond being owned - I was his. He would kill me and I would forgive him without a second thought. He didn't even need to apologize for it - that's how much I was owned by him. Not that he would ever lay a hand to hurt me in a way that would cause me actual harm, nor anyone I seriously cared about. Not that I cared about much of anyone except him, and he was no self-loather. Actually, he was so vain he probably didn't even dislike himself ever, since his ego was so big. But I didn't mind that, because, again, he was Mello, and I would follow him everywhere.

Yeah, I know how much of a puppy dog I sound like. Shut up. You don't have to state the obvious - I already know it. It wouldn't be more obvious if he kept me on a leash, which, by the way, I'm sure he'd do if he ever thought of it. So don't give him any ideas, because it would be very embarrassing to be led around on a leash.

Not that I'd care as long as there was sex involved later. Oh, that's another thing I need to live - sex. Don't look at me like that, I'm 20 and I have needs, too. Not nearly as much as Mello does - his needs to live are chocolate, sex, leather, and sleep. In that order. Chocolate, then sex. Sometimes both at the same time. Always. Pretty much every night as long as I don't piss him off too badly, and since 90% of the time I'm on top, I don't mind one bit. Hell, even if I wasn't on top most of the time I wouldn't mind - Mello was my own personal sex-god and he could do whatever the hell he wanted. He was the one who confirmed that I was gay. Not that I didn't know of already know considering my fan boy love for Johnny Depp - yum, Johnny Depp… stop smirking - and the fact I was kind of creeped out every time Linda's boobs - ew - smushed against me - again, ew - when she hugged me - a third time, ew - at Wammys. Even if I hadn't been gay I probably would have loved Mello - he was everything. Sexy, funny, fierce, dominating, and yet still willing to be on bottom. Lovely. Absolutely, completely lovely.

It's pretty obvious - I love him. Too much, maybe. Desperate, pure, clingy, puppy-love. The kind of love that would let me die for him in the end, if necessary. That would do anything to protect him.

Because I'm all Mello's every inch of me. And, weather he likes it or not (he does) I own every inch of him, too. That stupid, crazy, power-hungry, mafia-running, leather-wearing, blonde-haired, blue-eyed maniac was MINE. And no one would ever, ever change that.

**Mello**

Why am I never first at anything? Seriously, Matt got to talk before me? REALLY? Well, at least I'm before Near, who will NOT be getting a turn if I have anything to say about it. I'll beat the shit out of him. Not that I really care THAT MUCH about this stupid thing. I don't see what the point is. It was Matt's fault I'm even writing this - it was matt's stupid idea to write a log. I hate that boy. He knows I can't write to save my life. Well actually, I love writing. I think I'm ok at it. I'm just no good at writing stuff that's not, you know, about someone else. Writing about myself is so _boring._

Anyway, it really doesn't matter. Matt can go first if he wants. I still own him.

I hope Matt didn't say anything to sappy. Or perverted. Holy hell, whatever that stupid idiot said was probably along the lines of both.

You know, some person - Linda, maybe, but I'm not sure, since I try very hard to forget what that annoying bitch blabbers on a daily basis - told me you can't be best friends without insulting each other constantly. Well, I'm not sure if that's true, because I insult Matt constantly but we're not best friends. We're a whole fucking lot more than that. But then again, hey, maybe constant insults are the true trick to love. I know it worked for me and Matt. We're way more than friends or maybe more than lovers. Not to sound like a sap, but we are. I own that boy. And I guess to say that he owns me too is kind of pushing it, but I guess I could never really leave him. I tried that once. Yeah, THAT worked so well. About as well as trying to outrun a racecar that's about to mow you over from behind - your not getting away that easily. The particular "racecar" I'm referring to followed me across a whole fucking continent - England to fucking JAPAN - somehow tracked me down even thought he POLICE couldn't - since of course they were looking for me, I was a freaking mafia boss at that point - found my hotel room - which was heavily guarded by mafia people at the time, by the way - and even though he was only 18 at the time snuck past every one of them, and found me sitting in my living room, crying over that damn Marley and Me movie. (gets me every time, dammit) and kissed my breath away until I promised never to leave him ever again. Ever.

…so need less to say ditching him didn't work.

Not that I wanted to in the first place. Like it or not, I kind of need that boy. For several reasons. One, because, well, I love him (god I'm a sap aren't I, dammit Matt you made me this way)! Two, because he's the only one who can calm me down when I'm in, quote, "super-Mello-bitch-mode" which I need calmed down from sometimes (a lot). And three, for the rather personal reason of sex. That boy is a freakin' fuck-machine. I'm not even kidding you.

While I hate to admit it, though, he's on top most of the time. But hey, it's fine by me either way.

But I'm not going to go into detail. He's my adorable-nerd/sex-toy, not yours. So seriously. Get your own, He's taken every single night of the week. (Unless he pisses me off and it's one of those "no sex tonight" days.)

You know, I'm sure that somewhere in the world, a homophobe just died.

I would know - my mom was a homophobe. I won't go into detail about that either, since I'm a natural born fag and need less to say a homophobic mothers not such a wonderful memory... Yeah, bitch, I just said fag. I'm a homosexual, I'm allowed to say it. Your not. (Unless you're a homosexual too, I mean). I'm no in-denial self-hater. Matt thought he was straight for a little bit there. Ha-ha, so not. Anyone who has a hidden poster of Johnny Depp - though it's up on the wall now, thanks to me and my amazingness - is either a girl or a gay-guy. End of story. That boy is gay.

Maybe even almost as gay as me. And, admittedly... That's pretty damn gay. I was born that way, and honestly I don't think I could imagine life… straight. Having sex with a GIRL? Ewww. Fucking. Ew. Every time I think of that I think of Linda and her creepy boobs that were way too big for the rest of her body. Lordy mercy.

…..

Okay, I cheated, I read Matt's little part of this lame intro. Let me just say - I sound like a total heartless piece of shit compared to him. But then again I suppose that's only fitting - I'm pretty much a heartless piece of shit. Especially compared to the most loyal partner in the entire universe. The most clingy, game-obsessed, idiotic, puppy like, car-obsessed, computer-hacking, red-headed, goggle-wearing freak that I don't even deserve.

…there, is that sappy enough for you?

**Near**

I know that I wasn't suppose to be getting my word in, but since I'm already here… I might as well get in my two cents.

I'll just trust that you will refrain from telling Mello, though. I like my body fully attached and as unbuttered as possible, thank you. And I know that the rule was that I wasn't suppose to read the previous boy's writings, but as you probably already know, I'm a cheater. So I read them anyway.

No worries - I didn't find out anything I didn't already know. I mean, of course I know they were - are - a couple. Everybody in Wammys house knew, except for maybe Roger, who's so dense superman probably couldn't see through him. (See, I can make a joke, too.) You didn't have to be a genius to figure it out (which, by the way, pretty much everyone in Wammys was) considering all the PDA (public display of affection, some of which accidental, I think) that those two had. Plus, since I had a room right beside there's and the walls were in no way thick enough, I heard… things. Not that I particularly cared, since it was next to nothing compared to the usual yelling and ranting to himself I usually heard on Mello's part when matt WASN'T around. The "sex noises" (as Mello so elegantly calls them) were almost pleasant compared to the other ones, and once they started happening it happened almost routinely every night (when it wasn't, they were either fighting or Mello had too much homework at the time, so the noises also helped me figure out to really avoid Mello. No sex noises = pissed off Mello. Logic, children, logic.)

….I say children, but honestly I hope your at least 13. This fan fiction is already going the wrong direction. And by wrong I mean mature content. I recommend you just leave now. But then again, as long as your not Kira or L, I really don't care what you do.

This story isn't about me. It's about the other two, I guess. So I suppose I don't have anything else to say.

* * *

_A/N:_

_Aahhaha..ha..._

_this sucks T_T i suck immensly at intros. But it'll get better as soon as i switch to first person with actual action. I promise. Admittedly, i think writing as Mello is my favorite x3 his personality is so fun!!! 8D Matt was kind of hard, since he's not really that developed (i shouldn't talk though, since im a giant matty fangirl ;3) in the manga... ^^' But i always picture him as a video-game obsessed guy whos actually pretty sappy and puppylike at heart ;D you know it's true, baby-dolls_

_...i really hope nobody see's this fanfic that i don't want to (non-yaoi-loving friends. parents. you know.) especially cuz it's gonna have alot of... sugestiveness. i dont th ink i'll be able to actually bring myself to actually write mxm smexin it up, but... i suspect i'll try and fail XDD_

_ANYWAY.... i'm gonna stop writing because i'm sure nobodys really listening to the lame authors note._

_LOVE YOU ALL~_

~Holli-chan


	2. First Encounters

_A/N: Their both 10 in this chapter. _

**Matt**

I passed out Mail Jeevas. And I woke up Matt. Matt with no last name worth mentioning.

Maybe it was better that way. Maybe it was better to just push all the pain away and start all over. Maybe that's how it worked in such a strange world.

"Matt, welcome to Wammys house. As you are aware, it's an orphanage for gifted children. The rules are posted on the door - there aren't many, and their usually easy to follow."I looked up, pulling my goggles away from my eyes to look up at the old man who sat beside me. His smile was very warm, his face wrinkled with age. He looked like he would have been attractive, had he been a great deal younger, or rather that he used to be attractive, and now he was just a smiling old man. After giving him a long look, I pulled my goggles back over my eyes, welcoming the familiar golden tint they gave me, and nodded. I could tell the old man had been hoping for some words from me, but to no such luck for him - I wasn't going to speak, not right now. I needed more time to think. After a few moments, he sighed and continued. "There are a few rules that aren't spoken or written, but as for your alias, you aren't to tell it to anyone - it could easily be used against you. Do you understand?"

I really didn't understand. Who did I really have to fear? I wasn't going to become number one, I knew right when he said 'competition' over the phone when referring to the title of L that I would be way too damn lazy to try for anything more than not failing. I was smart, but I was lazy.

"Your room is 665. Is that alright, Matt?" Wammy prodded me gently, resting his hand on my shoulder. I knew it was meant to be a kind touch, but I flinched away, remembering a similar touch that had been laid there only about 48 hours ago. Clenching my teeth I looked away, nodding hastily. "It's on the second floor, alright? Go on ahead then."

Eager to get away from the awkward place I was at in front of the giant orphanage before me, I hurried, trying to slow my pace to a walk to not appear too jumpy, but I was. This was all so weird. Maybe I'd watched too many cheesy movies, but I felt like I'd just jumped into some corny spy movie. What was next, hot leather-studded chicks? Creepy emotionless kids? Serial killers? Sudden unexpected explosions? High speed car chases? I laughed at the thought.

Later, though I had shrugged off the idea at the time, the answer would become clear very quickly.

All of the above.

**Mello**

"Please! Please! Stop! It hurts!"

The girl squirmed under my grip as I pulled her hair, glowering a death glare at her. Linda. God I hated this girl, so much I wanted to kill her. She had been the one to make the comment, she deserved this, I knew. And I _hated_ her, so I pulled her hair harder, slapping her face. "TAKE IT BACK."Linda screeched and pushed at my chest, as if she could pull me off, which she couldn't. After a desperate squeal she went limp. "I take it back. Your not a fag, okay!? Your not a fag! Just let me go! Please!"I stared at her for a long moment, my gaze boring into her. My hatred seemed to only grow stronger, my fist clenching in her hair, but it was only fair - she had met the only demand I had given her in my blind fury, and Roger or one of the other caretakers would be here soon, and I tossed her to the ground, releasing my grip on her mousy brown hair, spinning on my heels and stalking away, feeling numerous pairs of eyes on me. That bastard Chad, who had surely been the one to make the rumor, that homophobe. Not that I was gay. But it still bothered me - I wasn't a phoebe or anything. Heather was watching me too - she was Linda's friend - and surely Near was watching, since he never seemed to miss anything around here, but I didn't look back to check. Because frankly I didn't care what the creepy little albino freaky did. So without a single glance over my shoulder I headed for my room, the satisfaction of having slapped that bitch still tingling on my hands. A purely evil, yet satisfactory feeling. So I smiled.

**Matt**

Turned out that Wammy's was extremely easy to get lost in. I hadn't seen anyone around. It dawned on me that classes must still be in session, and that this was a school for geniuses. I found myself hoping some of t hem would be friendly, but I shoved the thought away. Didn't matter - even if they were they wouldn't want to hang out with the antisocial redhead. And I didn't really want to hang out with them, either, I just didn't want to be bullied.

With a grumble I made my way down the empty hallways and finally found the stairs at the end of the hallway. I sighed with relief as I hurried up them. My room would be up here, I knew, and as I ran up the stairs I reached to adjust my goggles, still hurrying down the hallway.

And then a forced crashed into me, sending me - and the force, it seemed, which happened to be a person - tumbling to the ground. I gasped in surprise, my goggles sliding awkwardly to block my vision, landing uncomfortably with my legs tangled with the other persons. I blushed, angry with myself for not seeing the only person coming, and adjusted my goggles over my eyes as I looked up.

And I came face to face with the most attractive person I had ever seen. A leather-decked beauty, sprawled right beside me, wide blue eyes that glittered, with shoulder-length straight cut blonde hair that contrasted perfectly with the perfect, tight leather outfit she had on. An angel, almost, an angel with a devils glower that was aimed right at me, but I found I didn't really mind. And all at once, I felt myself completely falling for this person. And I could hardly believe it - I could check leather-decked chick off my list.

Then I realized that this person, apron quick inspection as my eyes quickly scanned her, was not a her but a _he. _An outstandingly attractive male, but a male none the less. Dammit.

Then I realized we'd been sitting there, staring at each other for at least two full minutes, and I blushed, untangling my legs from his. "Sorry," I muttered, getting to my feet and reaching out my hand to help him to do the same. The blonde stared at my hand for a few seconds before taking it, letting me pull him to his feet, and looked at me with a somehow unsatisfied look on his face. "Sorry," I repeated, "for running into you I mean. Uh.. I'm Ma…Matt." (I almost said my real name, oops. Sorry Wammy.) I offered my hand to shake, giving him my best smile, which admittedly is extremely crooked and awkward, more like a grimace at this point. I couldn't fake smiles to save my life.

Suddenly, without any warning, Mello's hand snapped out and grabbed my goggles, pulling the them away from my face and snapping them onto my forehead. It hurt and I flinched, shocked and a little freaked out, but the other boy only smirked at me. "Mello."

**Mello**

I'm really not sure what came over me at that moment, as I was sent tumbling to the ground. It was actually my fault I'd ran into the redhead - I hadn't been expecting anyone else in t he hallway at this hour, so I wasn't on the lookout as I sped my way to my room. I had to get there soon, Charlie in the Chocolate Factory was coming on TV, and…

Anyway I ran into him.

My first reaction was to be angry, and I hissed under my breath, my legs tangled painfully with his, a blush trying to make it's way to the surface as I looked up to glare at him and shove him away. But I didn't. I could not shove him away. I simply glowered at him, unable to move my body, struck by some force I wasn't familiar with. The boy before me was looking at me, wide eyed, a blush spread over his cheeks, messy red hair fluffing out in all directions, some weird things that I at first took to be glasses turned out to be goggled over his eyes. Was he going for steam punk or something? He had a really… well, attractive look about him, honestly. Not in a gay way. Don't give me that look, do you WANT to be slapped like Linda was? But the outfit was tasteful, the black and white striped shirt and tight, fitted jeans and converse. It wasn't really stylish, but this kid pulled it off easily.

Then it occurred to me that I couldn't see his eyes.

I hated that. Hated that I couldn't tell what he was portraying as he looked at me with wide eyes. I could see emotions flicker through them as he seemed to take me in, all of me, with a single glance. Somehow all the fight simply drained out of me. I didn't want to hit him or shove him or tell him to fuck off. Not sure why, really. He just didn't seem to be the kind of person to do that to, and I took this strange chance to stare at him. I wonder if he realized how awkward our position was right now. (I did, even though I was only 10 at the time.) I wondered if he realized what Heather - not that he knew any of the kids here - would assume if he saw us like this. I wondered if he cared. I hoped nobody would walk in at that moment.

I wondered how hard I would have to work to make this boy mine.

(Not like that. Pervert. Don't think I can't read your mind, because I can!)

Lost in my thoughts, I almost didn't notice that the boy had gotten to his feet and was now looking down on me with those goggle-tinted eyes, hand outstretched in my direction. And I still felt annoyed. I couldn't see those damn eyes thanks to those stupid goggles. Did he wear them every day? As I was wondering this I took his hand, letting him pull me to my feet. My ankle hurt, but I ignored it, not looking away from the new child. "Sorry," he said awkwardly, and I'm not sure if he noticed the way he kept shuffling his feet or not, but it was kind of cu-- weird. Weird. Kind of weird the way he kept making awkward, embarrassed movements like that. "For running into you, I mean." After a few seconds, he reached out his hand, offering me a name, "I'm Ma…" - he paused, obviously remembering that he had an alias, proving he was new - "..Matt." And then he smiled. A forced, probably fake smile, but for some reason it almost made me shiver. His fake smile was so… beautiful. Kind. Hopeful. Even in forced smiles, you could tell he was trying to be friendly.

That was when I knew. I had to know.

And, ignoring his outstretched hand, I reached out and pulled the goggles from his eyes. I hadn't meant for them to snap back on his forehead like that, but it was kind of pleasing to see him flinch, in a sadistic way, and his face twist up in confusion and surprise, eyes squeezing shut, probably out of embarrassment, fear, or reaction to the light. Probably both. I smirked, holding back a giggle - yes, bitch, a giggle. I can't help it, okay? I have a girly laugh.

And then his eyes opened. It as all in a split second, but it seemed like a flash of nearly everything for a moment. They were beautiful. They were glittering with confusion, fear, and, though I doubted he knew it, they gave off the friendliest warmth. Quite the opposite of my icy blue ones, if I do say so myself. Beautiful. Staring. They were staring right at me. And I had to remind myself that he was a guy. Or rather, that I was a guy. A straight guy. And I was not attracted to him and his sexy eyes, because I was a guy, and not gay. Not gay. Not gay. _Not gay. _

They were green.

And then the goggles were back on his face, and the moment was gone.

"Mello? Really?" Matt - I liked that name, Matt, it suited him somehow - asked questioningly, but it wasn't in an insulting way somehow (I would have punched him if had been) and he blinked. "Mello. Got it."

I suddenly realized I was grinning like an idiot and immediately stopped, clenching my teeth. "Where are you going in such a hurry, anyway?" he asked, doing that thing where he shuffled his feet again, "there are no classes down this way, right?"

I resisted the urges to put my hands on my hips, remembering the comment that ass Linda had made about it before. Her, Heather, Chad, and Near were the only ones who ever dared to bother me a second time, since most people seemed to be smart enough to avoid self-harm at this point. "I'm skipping class, we're only presenting projects and I already presented mine," I explained, though I left out the fact that I probably would have skipped anyway, just to avoid hearing Near drone on about his project in that annoying monotone voice of his.

Matt tilted his head to one side, and then suddenly I was engulfed in about a million questions. "Are the classes like regular ones here? Do you know where I would find room 667? How many kids are here? Do we ever get to leave? Are there computers here?"

I flinched at the questions and shoved my hand upwards, covering his mouth, almost in an automatic motion, used to getting what I want from people by force at this point, though at least I hadn't slapped him. Matt stared, cross-eyed, at my hand as I pulled it away, but it shut him up at least. "One question at a time, kid," I hissed, hands going to my hips automatically now, blowing the hair from my eyes. "The classes are pretty much the same, except there are no regular teachers, there are lots of kids here, we can't leave often unless we sneak, and there are computers in the room though you can get a laptop in various ways." I felt Matt relax a little bit as I continued, "And I can show you to room 667, since my rooms right beside yours."

I flinched. Whoa. Had I just said something… nice? To a complete stranger?

I glowered inwardly and spun on my heel, breaking away from the redhead's bewildered stare. "Now come on and keep up, I won't wait for you. And don't think you can knock on my door for questions and whatever, just because you know where I'm sleeping, got that?""Wouldn't think of it," Matt replied in a wistful voice, and somehow I just knew he was grinning like an idiot.

**Matt**

I was most certainly grinning like an idiot.

Not really sure why, exactly. Maybe it was because this angel - devil? - was being so odd that it was hard not to grin. Maybe it was because this was feeling more and more like some lame spy movie - except not so lame, because, you know, I was actually in it - or because I had found what could possibly my first friend. Like, ever. Oh, that and I was finally to my room, and for some reason I felt completely exhausted, even though I had slept most of the trip from America to here.

However, Mello - who most certainly was not mellow, so I wasn't sure why I felt the name fit him so well - didn't stop to show me my room, or even to say a quick goodbye. He simply opened his own room, 666, and slammed the door shut behind him as he made his way in.

Room 666. Oh, the irony, that my "angel" lived in the room that held the number to hell on it's door. I really wasn't a superstitious person, but I had a feeling that it really wasn't a good omen.

I stood outside his door for a good four minutes before turning to my own, staring at it suspiciously, my old fears coming back to me as I tried to black them out.

I hated it.

I opened the door, and it made a long creaking noise as I did. The room was bare, and nobody was inside to greet me. Only one bed, with white blankets and sheets, a wardrobe, a desk, and my bags, piled in the middle of the room containing my few belongings. Nothing else. The entire room felt bare.

I hated it.

I gathered myself up and shut the door behind me. There was a window, but there were blinds blocking the outside world. Not that I liked the outside world, but this room felt so… I don't know, threatening almost. I was so alone in here. It wasn't so bad now, but I knew it would be bad at night, when the memories came flooding back, and….

I turned abruptly to the door and tore the rules off the door, flopping on my white bed, reading them quickly. They were easy rules, obvious ones. No bullying. Respect the teachers. Don't wear sluttish crap. No weapons. Obvious things that everyone probably followed anyway.

Except for the first one, anyway.

I sighed and kicked off my shoes, preparing for a night alone in this bare room.

I hated it.

I hated being alone.

**Mello**

**As soon as I came into my room I flopped on my bed, staring at the white ceiling above my head. The entirety of the Wammy rooms were white, and though you were allowed to decorate it in any fashion you wanted, you weren't allowed to paint the walls. I knew that some people covered their walls with posters and shit, but I certainly didn't - I liked things to look clean.**

**I yawned and grabbed a chocolate bar from my stash, snapping off a piece before reaching for my book, hoping that Matt didn't have a thing for music. Or talking to himself. Or partying really loudly in the middle of the night. Or dancing. Or making noise. At all.**

**Okay, let me explain. The walls in Wammy's house are obnoxiously thin. Really, really obnoxiously. Not that it ever bothered me before really - I had Near beside me and obviously before Matt moved in that room had been empty.**

**But I didn't hear anything on the other side of the wall for the twenty minutes that I read, so I guess that he didn't have an emo music fetish - thank god - but the weird thing was I didn't hear any movement at all. Was he even going to unpack?**

**I sighed and turned off the lamp above my head, putting the book down and tossing the empty chocolate wrapper onto the floor - I would get it later - before flopping on the bed. Maybe I should catch some shut-eye so that tomorrow for the test I would have plenty of rest. Beat near, maybe. And if I didn't, I would need rest to beat the shit out of Chad, probably. And so I let my eyes shut.**

**I got about four minutes of "shut eye" before I heard the sobs.**

**From the other side of the room there were painful moans and whimpers, sniffling and crying. It was the most pathetic sound, pained and hopeless. Whimpering, too, like a puppy or something. I tensed up and my fingernails dug into the mattress. Oh god. Oh god, please, let him shut up, I begged inwardly. I didn't want to hear this child cry. It wasn't the kind of sobbing that I enjoyed, those cries of pain that I relished, the kind of sobs that were because I was finally taking my revenge, the ones of physical pain. These were cries. These were helpless, innocent, begging cries, similar to what I imagine would be the human equivalent to an abandoned puppy. **

**And then he started making WORDS in his sobs, and it shook me, inwardly. As if somebody had just kicked my dog or something, that was how it felt. **

"**Please…. No…. I'm sorry….. I hate it… I can't…. save you…. Please… go away…."**

**I clenched my teeth and pulled my pillow over my head. Call me a sap if you want, but I hated it, I hated every single part of it. It was torcher. But what was I suppose to do, rush in to rescue him, to wake him from his nightmare? He wouldn't even thank me, probably he'd just punch me in the nose or something, and then I'd loose all pity for him.**

**And so I squeezed my eyes shut and tried, desperately, to block out the desperate whispers of the boy on the other side of the door.**


	3. Obedience

_A/N: Please note that A) these two are only 10 :C well, Mello (whos apparently older than matt, bummer, but not by much and it hardly matters in wammys house XD) is almost 11, so please, anything that coud be seen as sexual isn't actually "sexual" and they ttly dont realize their gay yet (they are XD duh) so no intercourse or anything yet. ;D you'll have to wait, my pretties, you'll have to wait! BWAHAHA! oh and B) this chapter is too long. DX and then the next one is too short. And i'm sick today so i have wayyy too much time on my hands. ORZ. Well, love you, hope u enjoy~_

**Matt**

I woke up way too early.

My eyes were sore - had I been crying last night? I couldn't remember. I couldn't remember much of anything, really. Where was I? Where was my sister? Why wasn't she with me? Where was her bed? Where were my parents? My computer? Where….

…Wammys House, Mail. You're Matt now, remember?I let my vision clear of sleepiness, rubbing my eyes before I hopped out of bed, quickly pulling my change of clothes out of the bag, almost frantic to get out of the room. I hated the feeling of being closed in that room all alone, and pulled on another pair of jeans - the dark jean ones - and a red and black striped shirt and pulling on my goggles, like always, opening the door and hurrying to the bathroom, not thinking to do anything with my hair since it always pretty much looked messy no matter what I did with it, quickly brushing my teeth.

When I saw myself in the mirror, though, I flinched. My eyes WERE red, and I had tear streaks down my cheeks. Great. That would make an excellent first impression, for sure. I clenched my teeth, silently cursing whatever horrible nightmare I must have had the previous night, washing my face quickly.

As I exited the restroom I suddenly felt myself thinking about the blonde I had met the other day, sneaking a glance at the door. Of course I wasn't planning on just waltzing in, I didn't know him, but the guy was simply interesting. Maybe he would want to play video games. Later?

_Your thinking like Mail again._

The thought caught me in a rush. That's right. I didn't know anyone here. I didn't know the leather decked blonde, I didn't know the old man who had brought me here, I didn't know the room I stayed in, this entire orphanage was a complete and giant question mark to me.

I check the time on the cell phone some dude named Roger, the guy who had originally picked me up from my house, had given me. 6:00. Damn! Six!? Since when did I get up that early? Hissing in frustration I shoved the phone back into my pocket. I was too restless now to go back to bed, not that I wanted to go back to that blank, lonely room again. I grumbled a sigh and sat down plop in the hallway, not bothering to take notice of the fact that I was leaning against the wall opposite of Mello's. It wasn't on propose, I was simply sitting wherever I felt like it. I didn't even notice. I just pulled out my game and started playing - ah, Zelda, how you never fail to distract me from the confusions of every day life.

**Mello**

How many times have you come out of your room to find a redhead on the floor outside your room, playing a dumb video game, randomly sitting there in the middle of the floor. I'll tell you - not very many. And so obviously I was kind of shocked that, what do you know, there he was, buried in some game.

I don't even think he realized I was there. And so I made my presence known.

"Hey, dumbass. What the hell are you doing?" I growled, hands on my hips, leaning forward. For a few seconds Matt didn't respond, and then the game music stopped and he looked up, gaze completely zoned out and uncaring until he met my eyes. And then he lit up, like a fucking Christmas tree or something, and smiled, catching me off guard. Most people weren't too happy seeing me waiting there for them, but apparently this boy thought otherwise.

"Hi! I didn't wake you up or something, did I?" he chirped stupidly, getting to his feet. I grimaced.

"Of course you didn't, stupid. You were just sitting there.""Oh."

I sighed and rolled my eyes, turning away. Something about that boy's eyes told me he wasn't as stupid as he was acting, but he was acting pretty damn retarded. Was he embarrassed by something? If so, what? I was wearing pants, right? Then again, the leather was pretty tight so I kind of noticed it, so that option was out of the question.

"Come on, let's go to class," I grumbled, turning away and flipping my hair over my shoulder. To my surprise Matt followed without hesitation, bobbing up and down in that overly-happy obedient puppy way, smiling that pleased smile.

I smirked. Obedient puppy, huh? For some reason I had a feeling I could get used to that.

**Matt**

I couldn't understand why people were giving me weird looks.

I was fully clothed, right?

I didn't feel like I was doing anything weird, but people kept their distance from me as I followed Mello, keeping close to him on instinct. A lot of people looked really shocked, a few pitying, a few laughed, most just stared. I didn't understand any of it. Why did they look so surprised that I was following him? He was stunning. I didn't mean in an sexy way - I was 10 years old for crying out loud - but he was just a leader for some reason. And I was just simply a follower. Always had been, I guess.

"You have science, right?" Mello asked, catching my eyes as I looked at everyone with a smirk.

I look up at him, perking up a little. "Huh? Oh, yeah, science," I replied, nodding my head. How had he known that? I wasn't sure I really cared, I was just glad that _someone _was talking to me. The stares were giving me weird feelings. Mello smirked - I don't really think I've seen him smile kindly yet, but there was a certain pleasure in his eyes - and nodded. "Okay, it's this classroom here," he told me, pointing to it, "I'm going to Math. You have a free period after this, so relax."

I frown but nod none the less. I was hoping that he would be in the class with me, but it didn't matter. He was juts one person, but I admit I was crossing my fingers that our next class would be together - I liked his odd company.

"Oh," Mello added after a few moments of me just looking at my feet, "And don't talk to anyone else for too long. Trust me, okay? See you after class."I frown and look up, startled by the request. "Huh? What? Why?" I stammer, confusion spreading through me. But the other boy was already hurrying away with that swagger he had. I found myself watching him walk away. I liked the way he walked. That swagger, I mean. It was…

…I didn't have a word that I liked for what it was that didn't make me sound like a gay pervert, which I'm neither, god dammit, so I hurried away towards the classroom I had been directed to.

As soon as I entered the room, I felt about 20 pairs of eyes train on me. All at once. And I was suddenly suffocated by nervousness. The teacher at the front of the room was a tall man with a gray suit on and a very serious look on his face.

"U-umm," I stammer, "Matt. I'm new here," I say quickly to the man.

The teacher frowns. "Just sit down, there are no assigned seats."

I stare. What? What teacher says 'just do whatever' to the new kid? But none the less I hurried to my seat, not wanting to feel like a weirdo. But seriously, what the hell? I could feel people looking at me, and whispers being passed, but I couldn't make out any of them. But I could just tell they were talking about me.

Class went over in a blur. The teacher was talking in a really boring voice, and I already knew most of what he was talking about anyway, so I stared into space, over the teachers shoulder and at the chalkboard, thinking unconsciously thinking about Mello. God, I was such a weirdo. But he was the only one that I even had the chance to get to know yet. And what was that he said, don't talk to anyone? What a weird request. Possessive, almost.

And yet for some reason I felt compelled to follow it. To follow anything he asked. That icy cold gaze he had… even with that feminine stance he was menacing.

I think I should have been intimidated, but I wasn't.

Weird.

**Mello**

I stalk into the Math room, as always making everyone freeze on eye contact. Good. I loved that feeling - the feeling of being in control. It was a strange feeling, the pleasure in response to being hated.

For once, though, I was distracted by different thoughts. Annoying thoughts entered my head, every single one of them involving Matt. Hot damn, why did he always worm his way into my head when I least wanted him there? I felt like a cheesy schoolgirl, chewing on a chocolate bar (though I suppose normally it'd be a pencil or something) and daydreaming about her boy-crush. Not that Matt was my boy crush or something stupid. He isn't. He's just interesting. In a totally non-gay way.

But I was really bored, and my mind wandered ways I didn't want them to. I wondered about his hobbies. I wondered if he liked computers, since he mentioned them. I wondered if he had muscles under that shirt. I wondered if his hair was his natural color (though I doubt a guy would dye his hair especially at 10) I wondered what he thought of me. I wondered if he thought it was weird that I didn't want him talking to anyone else.

It's not that I didn't want him to have any friends. That wasn't it, I mean, I'm not that evil. But… well, frankly, the majority of the people in this orphanage pretty much hate me. Probably most of it is fear, but none the less the nasty rumors are there. Not that anyone - or at least, besides Chad and his stupid little posse of idiots - ever dared to act out towards me more than once when I was actually in the room. Oh, no.

I wasn't concerned about Matt finding out about me being sort of violent - he probably guessed that already - but it was the… well, the rumor that I was gay that I didn't want him hearing. It might scare him off or something. I was probably just being paranoid. But I didn't want him to believe it or anything.

Unless MATT was gay. Wait. What would that even matter if he was? I'm still not. I'm not interested in Matt, really. I mean, I guess I liked the guy okay, but I didn't' LIKE the guy. But what if I did? I didn't. It doesn't matter. Does it?

…I needed more sleep.

**Matt**

The bell rang after a long time of random daydreaming and not paying attention to class, and I gathered up my things. I hurried out of the classroom, but I didn't see Mello anywhere. Frowning, I turned, looking for him.

"Hey, you, new kid,"

I flinch and turn around, knowing the voice wasn't Mello's because it was a girl's. Yes, definitely a girl, a brunette, short and peppy looking. "Hi, I'm May," she greeted me, grinning. There were two other girls a few feet away, giggling and pointing. I figured immediately that this was just another dare. "I was wondering if-"I cut her off. "Look, I really don't have time to talk. I have things to do, we can talk later." I lied about that last part, and Mays face went stony with confusion, but I turned and hurried away. I could tell that she was going to try and talk to me again, but luck was with me and Mello was standing a small distance away, and I caught up with him. "Mells! Hey!"

Mello tensed and turned around, his eyes narrowed. "What did you just call me?"

I froze, realizing my mistake and smiled nervously. "U-uh, sorry, Mello," I murmured, looking at my feet. Where they shuffling? I thought I had fixed that nervous habit…

To my surprise Mello made a choking noise, and my head snapped up to find that he was choking back a laugh, a giant grin on his face as his hand covered his mouth. "N-no… that's f-fine.. Ah…" he shook his head, trying to regain composure as he walked the other direction. I didn't get what was so funny, but I followed without argument.

"What do you want to do during free period?" I ask chipper, coming up side by side with the blonde. I caught a few people looking at me funny, but I ignored them at this point, though they made me feel self conscious. Was Mello some kind of looser or something? Not that I cared. I mean, psh, look at me. I could tattoo my head with the words "geek" and it wouldn't make it more obvious.

Not that I cared. Mario was the only guy for me.

Uh.

I mean Peach was the only woman for me.

…my mind is rotting, I think.

"I don't know. I was going to go to my room and watch a movie or something," Mello replied, shrugging his slender shoulders and looking at me from the corner of his eye. I felt disappointment crush me. I'd been hoping we'd do something together, since we were just now starting to get along, and my posture deflated.

"Oh."Mello gave me a really long, hard stare, his eyes glancing around. There was nobody in the hallway, and suddenly he burst out into the most beautiful laughter I had ever heard. It was more like a giggle, a girls giggle, but I loved it. It rang happily, and his face blushed a little. I flinched, surprised, but Mello grinned and let out through his laughter, "Stupid, you can watch it too!" I couldn't help but start laughing. I tell you, my laugh is annoying. A-NOY-YING. At least, I thought so, it was kind of loud, but it made Mello laugh even more, trying to stop himself but failing miserably. That only made my laughter worse.

Suddenly the door beside Mello's bedroom, 665, opened without notice, and out came Near.

Mello froze immediately, stiffening. That made me shut up too, and we stared at Near. That kid had been in my Math, I remembered, but I hadn't ever gotten a good look at him. He was so cold and blunt looking that he could have easily been mistaken for an ice cube. Creepy little albino. But somehow my initial surprise at meeting him was nothing compared to the shock on Mello's face, staring at near. As if waiting for some reaction, like the sudden appearance of a second head on Near's shoulders.

Near, on the other hand, while he looked completely and utterly expressionless, had a slight flicker of what I interpreted as a "Do Not Compute" expression, staring at Mello, then to me, then back to Mello again. And then he spoke, in that weird monotone voice that I think I heard answer a question when I was daydreaming the class away. "Having a good free time." It was not a question, I noticed.

Since Mello wasn't responding, I rolled my eyes and grabbed Mello's hand, making the blonde flinch in surprise, and I smiled at Near. "We were before you showed up," I tell him in a fake-friendly voice, angry that he had ruined our moment, and pulled Mello after me into his room. Mello stumbled along after me, Near only staring at me as I led the blonde away.

**Mello**

Dammit.

That was my first reaction as Near showed up. Complete shock. Let me tell you, I have not laughed like that since I arrived at Wammys, and it felt good. So good. Even if my laugh was an annoying little girl-giggle and Matt's was the most addicting, contagious laughter, like, ever, it still felt like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders for just a few moments, seeing Matt laugh like that, hearing myself actually laugh like that.

Then Near had to show his stupid little albino ass that had been apparently watching, leaning against the doorframe, for a while now. I stopped cold, staring at Near in shock and anger. Dammit. Just DAMMIT. I had shown weakness right in front of the little twit I hated most, standing there giggling like a little girl with Matt. Just having Matt with me was enough, but now I was GIGGLING. LIKE. A. LITTLE. GIRL. In front of my rival. God, I hated fate. Maybe I was the devil reincarnated and I was just getting really bad luck because of that.

Near stared at us, clearly judging us. I was surprised at the confused look in his eyes. Near? Confused? How? I mean, I hate the boy, but he was damn smart none the less, I wouldn't deny that. So why?

"Having a nice free time."

It wasn't a question, and I wouldn't have answered anyway. I was just about to blow up in his face out of pure pissed-off-ness (that's a word, god damn you) when Matt suddenly grabbed my hand. I flinched in shock, looking up at Matt. He was smiling at near, a sarcastic smile, I could tell. And then there was the fake-friendly voice as he said, "We were before you showed up."

I almost laughed.

But Near was still there.

Not for long though, since Matt was dragging me into my room. I stumbled along with him into the room. As soon as we made it inside I burst into laughter - wow, two laughter's in a row, that's more than in a whole year for me! - choking for oxygen in between my giggles. Matt was laughing too, leaning on the door as if the laughter would cause him to collapse. I felt tears in my eyes, but not sad tears, no, I was laughing so hard I wanted to cry. I grabbed Matt's arm for support, laughing into his shoulder.

I'm not sure how long we stayed that way, laughing like hyenas. "Near got BURNED!" I cried, clapping my hands in approval and ruffling his hair. I'm not sure what compelled me to do that last part, it was like I was treating him like some sort of dog, but Matt didn't seem to mind it, in fact he was beaming at me. I swear he was almost wagging his tail, so I guess it didn't matter if I treated him that way.

"Okay…. Okay…. Ahaha….. Okay…." Matt, waved his hand, trying to stop laughing. I tried too, choking on my laughter. It had been so long since I laughed, I almost had forgotten how to stop, but I managed too, coughing to clear myself of the laughter. Matt stopped a few seconds before me, grinning. "So what movie are we watching?"Without thinking about it I clapped my hands together and announced, "Oh, anything with Johnny Depp!"

Oh. Shit. That was a stupid thing to say. Gay gay gay. I wasn't gay, I only loved Johnny Depp's movies. Seriously. Not the actual GUY. That'd be stupid. And gay. I looked at Matt, gauging his reaction, but he only grinned at me. "Oh, good! I love him!"

There was a long pause at the awkward statements, and Matt looked bewildered for a second, then laughed, "But not like THAT."

I nod in agreement and flop on the floor, fighting off more giggles as we turned on Sweeny Todd, letting my worries wash away just this once.

**Matt**

Sweeny Todd. Johnny Depp AND blood. Good stuff.

God, I loved this.

Not just the movie, either. I loved sitting there, leaning on the bed while we watched Mello's TV (how had he gotten a TV? I don't know…) beside the blonde, feeling him just barely lean against me as we watched the movie. Friendship. That was something I hadn't had in a long while. I wasn't gay or anything, but I'm kind of a touchy person, so having Mello right there beside me… kind of made me feel really happy.

God, I know how gay that makes me sound, but I swear, I'm not.

Anyway, the movie was getting to the really gory part, and while I was grinning - hey, I'm a guy, don't judge me - I could see that Mello's eyes lit up in a way I hadn't really expected. I mean, I know he was kind of… I don't know, physical, but to react to murder like that was a teensy bit weird. But maybe it wasn't the murder he had lit up to, you know, it could be the music.

I did like that music.

Anyway the movie ended after a while and it was then that we realized we had gone way over the time you were suppose to have for free time. "Ah, shit," Mello hissed, slapping his forehead with his hand. "Jesus, I'm going to be in deep shit."

I frown sadly. "Sorry, it's my fault," I mutter, lowering my head in shame. I knew that Mello was one of the smartest in the orphanage, and I didn't want to interfere with his studies or looked at me and shook his head. "Don't be sorry, you idiot," he laughed, and ruffled my hair again. I grinned helplessly, sighing. I don't really know why, I just liked it when Mello did that.

The blonde boy leaned back and yawned. "Well, I already missed half the class anyway, we might as well hang out here a while longer."I smiled, pleased. I wouldn't have paid any attention in class anyway, so I nod in agreement, sitting up and stretching. "Okay, cool." I say.

Mello paused for a couple seconds, then he looked up at me. There was a sudden, unexpected intensity in his eyes. "Matt, who did you talk to today?"

I stare at him. What? It was kind of a weird question to ask, but I guess I should just answer it… "Nobody --wait," I corrected myself, remembering, "Some girl named May. I'm not really sure what she was, but I'm pretty sure she was dared to talk to me so I blew her off."

Mello nodded approvingly. "Yeah, ignore that girl. She's with Linda's stupid posse. Almost as bad as Chad.""Chad?" I questioned, tilting my head, but Mello blew off my question with a wave of his hand. Well then, I thought, he's awfully hasty. But I guess it doesn't matter anyway. For some reason I was beyond caring what we talked about as long as I was talking to SOMEONE - preferably Mello - instead of being lonely in that stupid room again or "studying" in class. (Studying in Matt's Dictionary: staring into space, pretending to pay attention, thinking about video games and other various people who will go unnamed at this time.)

"So. Matt." Mello began again, turning his head to look at me, giving me this funny little smile that I immediately saw as both funny and a sign that he was about to ask me a question. "Tell me about yourself."I stare at him for a long moment. "Um." I start to rely, staring into space. "I play video games?" I offered, shrugging helplessly. Mello raised his eyebrows but didn't push me anymore, yawning.

"God this place is SO boring. But we really should go to class when the next bell rings, much as I'd love to sit around and watch every Johnny Depp movie in the universe with you," Mello told me. I nod and stretch, back popping. I had been sitting like that for too long - not that I wasn't used to that since I spent my days hunched over a game most of the time. I didn't want to leave, but Mello was right - we couldn't just constantly skip class like this, it was a surefire way to get us in trouble, so I stood up. Mello did the same, then suddenly whipped around and looked at me.

His eyes were narrowed and intense, staring at me for a long moment. I frowned. "What?"

Mello didn't respond for a long moment, then reached up, slowly, and pushed the goggles from my eyes, same as before, except gently. I froze, blushing, feeling his baby-soft hands brush my face as the golden tinting was removed from my eyes, Mello's hands grazing my cheekbones as they retreated from my face. I shivered unconsciously, forgetting for a moment that Mello was, again, a guy, staring at him bewilderedly, knowing that I was blushing without meaning to.

The blonde was staring at me, right straight into my unprotected eyes. My vision was adjusting to the color change, and I could see his eyes more clearly for the color that they were, which was a pure, icy blue, sending shivers right through me as his gaze held mine.

After at least a full minute of this, I broke the silence with a whisper. "M-Mells..?" the nickname again, accidentally, but Mello didn't react the same way this time. He poked his finger into my shoulder and stared right into my eyes, seriously and without any waver.

"When we are alone, you take the goggles off so I can see your eyes."

I stared, dumbfounded at this sudden turn of events. I tried to fight my blush - it seemed like something a girlfriend would ask, not a friend of barely a day. But somehow I didn't question the request, I simply obeyed, nodding hastily. "Okay."

Mello paused for a few seconds, then smiled, a warm, genuine smile that made my heart clench. I loved that smile. "Good," he whispered, ruffling my hair gently before walking past me towards the door. It took only a few seconds for me to turn and follow him.

_He already owns you. _

It was my conscious, I new, telling me this. But suddenly, as I hurried after Mello, pulling the goggles back over my eyes to shield them from the outside world, I suddenly didn't care_._

* * *

_A/N: OKAY well.... I told you the chapter was long. XD' Yeah i know you all hate May already. Even though she was there for, what, 2 seconds? Doesn't matter. Actually may's just a random girl and wont matter later really XD shes nice i guess... too bad mattys a flaming homosexual 8D HUZZAH FOR JOHNNY DEPP! *sparkle* Anyway yeah the next chapters already done so this isn't really a cliffe. It wouldn't realy be a cliffe anyway XD"' consitering.... _

_Isn't Mello just a total genious in being not-gay? XD LOLNOT_


	4. Ownership

**Classes after that first day were slow. So agonizingly slow. Mello had dropped me of at the classroom with only a smirk. He hadn't said anything about the goggles-thing, but I could tell he knew he had me wrapped around his finger. But I didn't care, because it was worth seeing him smile at me, nobody else (although there WERE a great deal of people staring at us like we had 6 heads, three each) and the little "see you later, Matty."**

**Matty.**

**He had called me Matty.**

**I liked that. A lot. Though I'm pretty sure it caused me to blush a great deal, but at least I got a whispered, "Bye to you too, Mells" that made the blonde grimace, obviously trying to hide a blush himself, but I didn't say anything till I headed off to class.**

**And then there I was, sitting there, thinking. Of course, what would be on my mind but Mello? God, that boy drove me nuts. Not in the way that would make me hate him or anything, but why I couldn't get him out of my head was beyond me.**

**I needed to stop thinking suck sappy things. I was a GUY wasn't I? Lord, I was rotting inside, wasn't I? I needed to play Halo, Resident Evil, Modern Warfare, Worlds of War craft, didn't matter as long as it was something with killing.**

**The bell rang suddenly, in the middle of some old mans droning speech, but he stopped when the bell rang and he waved us out. I gathered the notebooks and folders I had brought with me, taking my time to let most of the children empty out before me, feeling too awkward to do anything - I hadn't been taking notes (oops) but I was new so it would probably slide by easily, and the teacher didn't even seem to mind what we did. What had Mello said, about there being no permanent teachers? Was that why they didn't care?**

**As I was pondering this I felt a hand grab my arm and whirl me around. I jumped in surprise and turned to look at the person who had spun me around, expecting for a split second for it to be Mello.**

**It wasn't.**

**The boy before me was anything but Mello. He was bigger than Mello, well muscled (Mello was well muscled, but not in the buff manly way) and, frankly, stupid looking. He had moppy black hair and a kind of pinched-up look about him. He wasn't much taller than me, but I had a feeling he wasn't here to be friendly and I felt myself willing him to go away.**

"**You, new kid. What' your name?" he growled, poking my shoulder roughly. I didn't like that, so I took a step back, clenching my teeth. **

_**Don't talk to anyone for too long.**_

"**U-uh. Matt." I answered, taking another step back, towards the door, only to bump into a girl. She was a pretty girl, admittedly, but not in the same way Mello was (oh god, I was comparing girls to Mello, what has my life come to!?) more in that sort of average jane way.**

**She did not look friendly. **

**She shoved me back, so that I was back in the same position I was in before. **_**Great, wonderful, I'm being bullied already. **_**I thought. **

"**What are you doing hanging out with Mello? Don't you know about him?" the girl hissed, crossing her arms over her busty chest and pursing her lips, as if she knew better than I did.I frown. How would I know about him? I had only just arrived, obviously. But I couldn't say anything. My eyes scanned the room for help, but the teacher was gone, and the only other person in the classroom was some creepy little albino kid in the back of the room, and I wasn't expecting help from him. He looked like an ice cube in human form.**

"**W-what about him?" is what I said instead. Again I remembered Mello's words, willing myself to be able to obey them, but that girl and her pursed lips was blocking the doorway, and call me old fashioned but I don't enjoy hurting people (not that I'm good at it) especially not girls. **

"**He's a total jerk," the girl said angrily. "He's the fucking devil or something. Really, really weird, and a giant temper, too."**

**Really? He was? I hadn't noticed… though he did have that devilish smile.**

"**And hell, he's a giant fag, too," the boy said, shoving my shoulder pointlessly. I flinched. **_**Fag? **_**I wasn't gay, but I was no phoebe, either. I guessed it made sense. I mean, he looked like a girl, and the way he walked was like he was on a runway, but it didn't particularly matter to me… "But you can tell that, right? It's soooo obvious," the girl continued for the ugly guy, flipping her hair and giving me the ugliest, bitchiest look I'd ever seen. "So why do you hang out with a fag? Unless… you're a fag too?"**

**My heard dropped to my stomach. I wasn't a fag. Not that I would know, I hadn't hit puberty. But I hadn't even given myself time to even think that was an option. Again my eyes scanned the room for any signs of hope, but I didn't see any. There were people now gathering in the doorway, obviously there to watch the fight. They wouldn't help me. Nobody ever did.**

"**I'm not… not gay." I couldn't bring myself to say the word fag, especially in relation to the boy I had come to become my first friend. "But I don't care what you say," I continued, gathering my bravery and crossing my arms. The girl flinched, but the guy only grinned. "I don't care if he's gay or straight or whatever, he's nice to **_**me**_**."**

"**He's the devil," Heather hissed. "He's mean to everyone. He'll only turn on you."It took pretty much everything I had in me to say the words. They could very well be right, but they weren't really proving a point by being as wholes themselves. Mello had been nice to me. And so I said it, trying to mimic the icy glare Mello had given me upon meeting, and probably only getting half the effect, but I'm sure I looked pissed. "Yeah, well maybe I want to be friends with the devil."That's when the first punch connected to my jaw.**

**Near**

Have you ever looked at someone and known they were about to be beaten senseless and there was nothing they could do about it?

That's pretty much the feeling I had when Chad punched Matt.

I wasn't sure how I knew it. How I felt the rage before I saw it, but it was definitely there. And I knew something very, very bad was about to happen.

I saw him before any of the others did. Saw the easily angered blonde boy shove his way through the cluster of people in the doorway and see the scene. I watched Mello's reaction carefully. It went from confusion to shock to pure fury.

Nobody messed with Mello. Even if he looked more feminine than the majority of feared students, he was the most feared. He had the reputation of being a devil, and there were only a select few that chose to mess with him, almost never directly. Nobody, not even I at first, probably saw that this particular "devil" had some sort of bond with the redheaded new kid. I certainly saw it. I watched every movement. Watched Mello's eyes follow Chad's fist to Matt's jaw, watched Mello as he saw the redhead stagger and gasp, watched Matt stumble to the ground. I watched, carefully, as Mello's face went from shocked to pure, demonic hatred. The kind of hatred he didn't even show _me, _and he hated me a lot. I watched him stalk across the room.

**Mello**

I was hurrying down the hallway. I hated to admit it, but honestly I was searching for Matt. I didn't need friends, I was happy without them honestly, but this kid was so damn interesting. Besides, if I knew people, he'd be getting even more nervous under their strange looks they were surely going to give him.

I reached the science room then, and I saw it.

There was a cluster of students in the doorway, whispering and gasping and talking among themselves, all trying to look in the door. Not. Normal. That only happened for one reason - there was a fight going on.

Panic flushed through me, ashamed of it as I was, and I shoved my way through the crowd of people, not caring for one second about the gasps and annoyed mutters I was getting. I just cared at that moment about the doorway, only the doorway, the door way where matt had entered and now…

And then there he was, Matt, and Chad, and Heather. Chad and Heather had surrounded him, had him cornered between them ad two desks, Chad blocking Matt's escape. No. No. No.

"He's the devil," I heard Heather whisper darkly. As if she really believed it. "He'll only turn on you."

There was a long pause. I didn't move. I couldn't move, for a long moment. And then Matt looked up again, a crooked, cocky grin on his face. The kind of grin that was mischievous and unexpected that there was a moment of hesitation in Chad.

Then Matt spoke, his voice shaking a little. Like he was preparing for the worst and the best, almost, somehow. "Maybe I want to be friends with the devil."

Chad paused. Heather glared. I blinked, touched by the words in some deep, strange way. I was the devil. He wanted to be friends with me. Why did I care so much?

And then he punched him.

It took a moment to register. He had punched him.

He punched him.

He punched him.

He punched Matt.

He punched _MY_ Matt.

How dare he punch MY Matt.

….My Matt?

But before I could figure out that part I was already in the classroom, already flinging Heather out of my way, already turning on Chad and clawing at his eyes, kicking him in his crotch and punching his gut and he was already on the floor, groaning and wailing in pain. And then I was already at Matt's side as he sat up woozily, already staring at his jaw that was surely going to get bruised, already staring at the blood as Matt touched his jaw and brought his hand away. Already shaking with anger and fury at what I was seeing before me.

"Oh my god, Matt…" I found myself saying, blocking out the fact that Near - who I had only barely noticed sitting there - was studying me, ignoring the whispers and gasps and shouts of the other people, ignoring the groans of Chad, ignoring the shrieking of Heather. I only saw Matt and his blood.I turned and was about to attack Chad again, but Matt's hand already grabbed my wrist, stopping me in my tracks and making me turn to him. My blind fury was washed away, to find Matt grinning at me. A tooth was gone in his mouth. "Don't worry. It was a baby tooth." Matt said, as if it was going to reassure me. I stared at him, stricken by the sight. "It's okay." Matt told me again, standing up and helping me up. Helping _me _up. Now THAT was weird, considering it wasn't me but _him _who had been bullied.

"Matt, they… I'm sorry, this is my fault," I whispered, careful not to let anyone hear me. Weakness. I could show no weakness. I shot an icy glare at Heather as she started to stand up, and she sat back down immediately. I must look pretty damn scary, I thought, rather proud of myself. Matt was shaking his head when I looked up again, laughing with a certain happiness I couldn't place.

I could tell a good number of people were staring at the both of us. As we headed away from the hall, I turned around and glowered at everyone, my best glare. It obviously was working, because most people stopped whispering and looked at me. "Next person who bullies the redhead won't be able to walk for a week," I promised darkly before turning on my heels and hurrying to catch up to Matt.

As soon as we reached our hallway together Matt spun and reached up his hand. "HIGH FIVE FOR YOU BEING AWESOME!" he said a bit too loud - not that anyone was around to hear. I stared at his hand. High-five? "aren't you hurt?" I demanded, pointing to his jaw. Matt stared at him. "I'm fine. I mean, yeah, it hurts like hell, but imagine what Chad's going through," he laughed, punching me on the shoulder. I flinched at the gesture - I knew it was a normal 'dude thing' but it kind of caught me off guard, since Matt strangely hadn't really been treating me like a 'dude.'

Did I want to be treated like a dude?Anyway I shoved him back and rolled my eyes. "You're an idiot. But yeah, I'm pretty sure he won't be able to have children now.""He wouldn't have been able to have children anyway. The guys a total failure at being attractive," Matt replied, winking. Mello smirked and rolled his eyes, though he found the joke funny.

Suddenly the conversation paused and I looked up at him, a thought coming to my head. "Matt, what did they say to you?"

Matt paused, a look of guilt flashing on his face, and he looked at me like a lost puppy. "They said… um…. Some really mean stuff, Mells." I flinch at the desperate look in Matt's searching puppy dog eyes, immediately knowing that whatever they had told him was definitely not good. But then Matt's expression changed from despair to determination, and I blinked in surprise as he grabbed my hands, squeezing them tight. "It doesn't matter though, Mells," he whispered, "It doesn't matter to me if all of it's true, I still wanna be friends with you, okay? I'm not going to abandon you, so you can't leave me either, okay?"

I stared at him, shaken from the core at the desperate look in his eyes. What had been done to this boy? And why did he care about me so much? I couldn't bring myself to say anything for a long moment, until finally I felt a smile come to my lips, pulling off his goggles again and staring him in the eyes, making him grin like an over exited puppy. "You, Matty, are an idiot," I whisper, then shoved him playfully, rolling my eyes. "You couldn't get away from me if you tried."

Matt gave me a huge, glowing smile as I led him to the bedroom, squeezing my hand. "I wont try."

I laugh then. I laugh at the corniness of it all. The pointlessness. The stupidity. I laugh at how much I really do care what he says. I laugh just to laugh, because it feels good, and release his hand.

"Come on, let's go watch Secret Window."

_A/N: AND THEN JOHNNY DEPP FOREVER SEALED THEIR FRIENDSHIP AND THEY LIVED HAPPILY EVAR AFTAR AND NEVR EVR HAD ANY PROBLEEMZ CAZ THAD BE TWO HARD TO WRITE LUL 8D…. Not. D lul this chapter pleases me, even though it's corny shit. BUT HEY, NEAR GOT TO TALK AGAIN! HI NEAR! D I HATE YOU! Lolnotrly I don't hate Near like a lot of people do, he's just insanely fun to tease._

_Anyway, enough with the obnoxious authors note that none of you read, onwards to me going to write the next chapter, yes? Reviews are very much welcome and I will bow down to you and ur awesome if u review 8D it doest even have to be critique (I cant spell DX) just let me know ur reading~ (IF YOUR READING THAT IS… D8)_


	5. Nightmares and Superheros

**Mello**

That night, he cried again.

I had almost forgotten that he was a night-crier. A lot of orphans cried at night because of their parents, but Matt just seemed so… happy. I felt sick to my stomach listening to him whimper. It was like listening to your dog die. Pretty sure I said something similar before, but none the less, that was still he same fact.

I curled tighter into the covers, covering my head with a pillow, trying desperately to block out the sounds of the whimpers and sobs coming from the other room.

_10:05_

I still wasn't asleep. Matt was still crying and whimpering. He was surely having some horrid nightmare. I couldn't sleep. It was impossible.

_10:30_

I had almost resolved that I was going to march over there and shake him awake, but what was I going to say? You were crying in your sleep so I walked down the hall to wake you? Then what? What if he did something weird? What if he yelled at me?

What if he didn't?

_11:45_

I needed to go over there. Now.

_11:48_

Damn. I don't have the nerve.

Agitated I lay there in my bed, staring at the clock. The whimpers were getting quieter now. Maybe he would stop. Maybe then I could sleep.

Then the words came again, and I almost died, right then and there.

"No…. Please…. Don't leave me…. I'm…. all alone….. So much white…"I clenched my teeth. Stay in control, Mello. That boy was not your dog. He could take care of himself. We're ten years old. That's not so young. He could stand the pain, right?

"Please… no…. I'm so sorry…. Please…. I'm all alone…. Alone…."I squeeze my eyes shut and cover my ears. I wasn't sure who was in more pain right now, him or me. So much conflict was happening in my mind. I didn't know what I felt. Why did I care so much what happened to this boy next door? What did it matter anyway, really?

And then it got louder.

"No! No! Please! I'm all alone! Please! No… no… Mello!"

My name.

Just like that I was out of bed, disregarding the fact that I was only in a giant t-shirt and black boxers, and flew out of my room, not caring who saw me (nobody did) and speed-walked my way into Matt's room.

Matt was in his bed, only in boxers and a t-shirt, like me, tangled in his blankets, withering where he was. He was definitely asleep, his eyes squeezed shut, hands clenching the blankets. I stare for a long moment, fighting with myself over what to do before racing over to him, suddenly not giving a shit if it ruined my "image" since it was a pretty bad one anyway, and shook him.

"No…. no…. Mel-mells.." his whimpering didn't stop and I bit down in frustration. Clearly a heavy sleeper. I braced myself for any kind of reaction and climbed onto the bed, shaking his shoulder and yelling at him.

"Matt! Matt! Please, for the love of god, wake UP Matty!"

Finally the whimpering stopped and Matt's eyes flew open, a panicked expression on his face. As soon as he saw Mello over him he shot upwards. At first, I almost thought he was going to lash out at me with the panicked look on his face, but instead he grabbed me up and pulled me into him.

I gasped, first in irritation then in embarrassment, my face burning. I was all at once thankful that my face was pressed against his chest, so he wouldn't see my red face as I was hugged, and without really meaning to I let my arms snake around his waist and hug him back. It wasn't a man hug either, it was the kind of hug that two girls have, or two gay… guys. Isn't that pleasant? I mean, especially because we were neither, as far as I knew. I could feel his panicked breathing, his fingernails digging into my shoulder blades.

Matt suddenly tensed, seeming to realize where he was, and who he was holding on to, apparently, because he immediately released his grip on me, leaning away. My grip was still around his waist, and I realize that I have to let go now, so I do.

The redhead stared at me, his big green eyes taking me in for a long moment, his gaze seeming to penetrate my very soul for a second. Then he got this really sad puppy look on his face again. "Did I wake you up again? I'm sorry."

I narrow my eyes at him to gauge if he's joking. Judging by the unwavering expression on his face, he wasn't. I sigh and feel myself sliding into him again. Maybe I didn't get enough sleep or something, but all I really wanted to do was let him hold me for that one moment. Just for a few seconds, to let myself go and not worry about what the world will see me as, and I feel tears come to my eyes. Which was stupid. I shouldn't cry just because Matt was sad. It was preposterous. Ridiculous.

But here I was, doing it, my face buried in his shirt as the tears roll down my cheeks. Matt can't see my face, but I feel his chin rest on my head and his arms go back around me again, seeming to just simply understand why I was there. I didn't want to give him an explanation. He didn't seem to need one.

I'm not sure how long we sat there, simply holding tight to each other, when I realized how ridiculous I was being. How gay this all was. And I don't mean to use gay as an insult, either, I just mean that two men hugging and crying in each others arms pretty much equals gay. By gay I mean homosexual. Not…

..you know what I mean. Excuse my lack of vocabulary, I was only 11.

"I'm sorry," I whispered, pulling away and grinning hopelessly. "I'm just emotional for some reason. A-are you okay? You were crying."

Matt laughed despite the situation, rubbing his red-from-crying eyes, and lowered his head, tilting it so that he was just blow me and he smiled. Some how I just knew and I ruffled his hair. "You're such a puppy.""Your such a girl."

I frown, and he flinches, as if afraid he'd ruined the moment, but I grin back. "If I'm the girl then you have to buy me chocolates."

He laughed and shoved me. "Nice try, Mells."

I giggle - ug - and curl into a ball, hugging my legs to my chest. For a moment we're just quiet, and then I whisper, "Hey Matt."Matt looked up, his coppery red hair shadowing his eyes. I could tell he was secretly embarrassed, which wasn't going to make what I was saying easier, but I put on my best demanding glare and lean forward, poking my finger into his shoulder again, immediately making Matt go on alert, like a dog again. I smirk. "You're moving into my room."

**Matt**

I really had not been expecting that.

Any of it.

Especially not the end result, which was me grabbing up all my things - not a lot of things - and trekking over to his room. He only had one bed, but it was pretty big and Mello said he didn't mind sharing until roger got someone to move a second bed in there, so I didn't either. We were both straight - as far as I know - and honestly I was just happy I wasn't going to have to be in that room alone again. I liked Mello's room better from the get go, and as I plopped my stuff in the corner Mello flopped face first into the bed.

"You better not cry in your sleep while your in here. But your okay as long as your not alone, right?" Mello confirmed what he already knew, glancing at me. I nodded - I knew it, I must have been yelling in my sleep again. God, I hated that. I cursed myself inwardly for waking up Mello and making him put up with that extremely awkward bromance moment - augh, so chick flick… not that I really minded as long as Mello didn't.

But Mello _didn't _seem to mind, lounging himself on the bed and stretching. "Okay, I'm getting some good sleep, so you better not snuggle in the night."I smirk and flop on the opposite side of the bed, giving him a faux-pathetic look. "But what if I LIKE to snuggle?"It had been a joke, but Mello's face twisted into a wince. I couldn't put my finger on what it was exactly, but he didn't seem to take it completely as a joke for a moment. Then he laughed his little giggle-laugh again - I'm not gonna lie, it was pretty cute. Why, why, why must you be a guy, Mello, why? - and shoved a pillow in my face. "If you snuggle me in the night, I swear to god I will strangle you and make you sleep on the floor."I yawned a big yawn and stretched before laying down and closing my eyes. "This isn't going to help that gay rumor, is it?"Mello shrugged. "Whatever. Better than 'Satan's reincarnation.'"

I looked at the ceiling, frowning in concern. "If your Satan's reincarnation, what does that make me? Who was Satan's sidekick?" I asked, peeking at him from the corner of my eye.

Mello got a really serious, thoughtful look on his face for a long time before he replied, "Jesus.""That makes no sense!" I laugh, somehow imaging the devil and Jesus in batman and robin costumes."Makes about as much sense as me being Satan's reincarnation," Mello laughed, poking me in the ribs. I wasn't ticklish, but I poked him back and he squealed, slapping my hand away. I smiled. That was convenient. Mello was ticklish. Could not let that information fall into the hands of the enemy, I thought randomly, not really sure what I meant by that.

Mello sighed and snuggled into the pillow. "Okay well… nightly-night, Matty."I half laugh half yawn and turn over, closing my eyes. "Goodnight, Mells."

There was a pause, then, "You're my best friend, you know."

I turned slightly to look at Mello, who was peeking at me. I almost died with how cute it was, and how absolutely desperately I wanted to magically make the fact that he was not a girl go away. But that wasn't going to happen.

I smiled warmly and closed my eyes again, letting out a pleased sigh. "You're my best friend too, Mello. Goodnight."

"…Night."I stayed up for the twenty minutes that it took for Mello's breath to steady, and I knew he was asleep. I sighed with relief - he was going to stay. I closed my eyes, feeling happier than I had in a very, very long time. Just like that, we were friends, we were best friends, we were roommates.

_A/N: THIS IS SO SHORT -dies- BUT I NEED A TIME LAPSE BUT THIS WAS N ECESSARY AS TO HOW THEY BECAME ROOMMATES. GOD DAMN… I'm becoming too attacted to this fanfic…_

…_.I hope you are too 8D anyway… XD yeah mello's pretty much as gay as I gets, and matt's getting there. :3 I love them so much~ *ahem* anyway there's a time lapse soon so bare with me XD I cant pt every single day they go through together in here, now can I?….shut up, rain, I can not._

…_D UR JUST JELOUS THE VOICES ONLY TALK TO YOU!_

_Okay, peace out_

_~holli_


	6. Time

_A/N: This chapter is mostly just the other Wammy's children talking about how they saw Matt and Mello during the time lapse. If you don't want to read it, go ahead and skip it, but there might be some important shit for later, so.. I'd recommend reading it :3_

**Near**

I'm next to being L, so obviously I'm intelligent and my IQ's good. However, there are always a few things that I don't understand completely. Maybe it's because my emotions have been blocked off, but certain things just puzzle me, don't compute correctly in my mind.

Part of that is Matt and Mello's relationship. It's a weird one, I admit. Mello storms down the hallway, demanding attention and glowering at everyone who gives him any, claiming the entire rooms attention when he walks in, no matter where he goes. He's quite hard to ignore, with his confident stature, that all black attire, those glaring icy blue eyes. I suspect if he wasn't so cruel to everyone he'd attract more positive attention based on his looks and such, since that's how it works with girls, I've noticed. But of course, Mello ignores all the girls at Wammys. And most of the guys, too. I never really expected him to have any true friends at the orphanage. I expected him, at number two, to be more like me.

He was my complete opposite.

And then there was Matt. He simply walked into the orphanage and into Mello's vision. When he was with Mello it seemed that everything else around him was blotted out. He didn't seem to notice it w hen girls pointed and called him attractive, or when May tried to flirt with him. All he seemed to see was Mello, following him, attending to his every beck and call, as if he were attached at the hip to the other boy.

What I didn't understand was Mello's lack of annoyance at the redhead. Everyone else who tried to speak to him immediately got punished or at least glowered at. Matt was never abused by the blonde. He was handled as a friend, and Matt elated at the simplest touch from the other boy, from being patted on the head to slapped on the shoulder. It didn't matter, Matt allays smiled. He did everything, no complaint, and seemed to hold the golden haired boy up on a silver pedestal.

There were always the rumors that they were secretly lovers. I didn't know at first if the rumors could be true or not. Matt seemed to be always loyal to Mello, and Mello treated the other boy gently - or at least more gently than everyone else - and had a feminine way about him, not to mention they shared a room - not that most people knew that. So I guessed the rumors might be true. But it quickly became obvious by Mello's reaction to the yells of rude words and accusations that he didn't return any feelings that the redhead had for him, or at least didn't recognize the feelings he may or may not have had.

I didn't know.

I probably could have figured it out, but I wasn't particularly interested in those two's relationship. It was really none of my business, so I laid back and watched when I couldn't avoid it, or when I stumbled upon a particularly interesting situation, but other than that I didn't seek out any answers.

However, I did find that game. That game was certainly interesting.

**May**

I don't really know what I think of Mello, really. He's okay, I gu ess, but he's kind of a huge bully, and he picks on Linda a lot. Linda's my friend. She talks too much, though.

Matt… well I guess I like matt. He's really cute. He's shy, though, and always avoids me. I wonder if he likes me too.

I don't really know about the homosexual rumor. I'm not a homophobe like Heather, but I kind of hope it's not true. I have a crush on one of them, after all, so it was kind of a weird thought. They really didn't ever part ways, though. Mello was always there and Matt was always right behind him, grinning that cute little grin. He always reminded me of a puppy.

I remember, one day, Mello apparently convinced Matt to help him raid the girl's floor - the t hird floor - where all the girl's rooms are. They had water guns. We all screamed and squealed when they shot us, and I got really wet - I noticed Mello aimed for me and Linda the most, I couldn't help but wonder why - but it was really fun actually, though I always act like it was terrible because Linda constantly complains about it.

It was only water though.

They got in so much trouble. It was pretty fun to watch. I was outside Roger's office when they got scolded. It made me a little jealous though, the way Matt pleaded with Roger that it was all his fault, that it had been his idea - I wonder if it had been? - but Mello immediately argued that it was his fault and he was the one who had bought the squirt guns. They both got in trouble, but they way they defended each other was really cute.

If they really are gay, I'll give up on Matt and ship them instead and just try and be their friend. Yaoi, baby.

Who needs relationships when you can watch that?

….please don't tell Heather I said that, alright?

**Heather**

They were so, so, SO gay.

Especially Mello. That guy is such a flaming homosexual he radiates rainbows even though he wears all black. He struts around the hallway like he's on a fucking catwalk, and its disgusting how easily he curled Matt around his finger, like he was some sort of puppy or toy or something.

I wonder if they have sex. God, the thought of that makes me want to puke. I remember at the lunchroom one day, I was sitting with May and Linda that day (some days I sit with Chad) and our table is near the one where Matt and Mello sit alone. (no wonder, those two are so creepy, who'd want to sit with them?)

Anyway we were sitting there and I was watching them with May while Linda was getting lunch, and Matt, who was sitting right beside Mello even though the WHOLE TABLE was open, was listening to Mello rant about who knows what (probably Near) and out of NO WHERE Matt started tickling him. _Tickling him. _I almost died in horror - guys don't TICKLE each other. But there was Mello, clenching his teeth to stop from laughing, slapping Matt's hands away, blushing like crazy, Matt with this huge gay grin on his face, like he was some kind of rapist. SHU-DER.

I remember the look on May's face, too. Her whole face had turned pink and she looked about ready to die herself, her mouth hanging open a little. I have a feeling she's as disgusted as I was.

**Linda**

God, those two are so damn sexy. I mean, I don't know if I believe the gay rumor (even though I kind of helped spread it around, but that was Heather, you know?) but those guys are so cute. Mello is practically sex on legs, once you get past the fact that he's, you know, girly looking. But it's his body that drives you crazy, and he dresses really tastefully.

Is he gay?Anyway Matt is adorable too, more my taste actually. He's really shy, contrast to Mello who's completely NOT shy, and he's got that mischievous way about him, like he's always t hinking about something. I love his red hair, too. I'd definitely flirt with him, but Mello's always there - or rather, Matt's always following Mello around, not the other way around, I know - and I can't exactly flirt with him that way. That plus May kind of has dibs, and always gets a weird look on her face when people flirt with him.

She must really like him or something.

Not that that's what I'm trying to talk about though.

I'm not really even sure how those two are friends. Their such contrasting personalities. Matt's always playing that game boy, and Mello's always up and doing something. Matt's always quiet, Mello's so loud you can hear him across the school if he yells. Matt hates talking to anyone that he doesn't know (aka anyone but Mello) and never raises his hand in class. Mello always raises his hand in class (mostly just for the sake of answering before Near) and talks to anyone he wants to, obviously having no shame in that body of his.

Anyway, I'm not sure if I believe any of the rumors, but somehow those two are super close. You almost never see mello by himself without Matt trailing behind him, and it's even rarer to see Matt by himself unless it's outside his room or in the bathroom. (unisex bathrooms, duh, I don't sneak in guy bathrooms, that icky.)

Kind of sad. You almost can't even look at Matt since Mello will glare at you if you try and approach him when he's around, wh ich is almost always. The only people who still pick on him are Heather and Chad, and Chad has plenty of bruises thanks to that, Heather too. I notice that when Matt's caught alone with them, though, he always defends himself more violently against Chad instead of Heather. He's just nice like that, I guess. Doesn't like to hit girls or something.

Kind of stupid though, since Heather's not nearly as strong as Heather and he'd have more luck beating the shit out of her than Chad. Not that he ever has to, since Mello's always around the corner ready to break them into a million pieces if Matt gets so much as touched, especially after The Classroom incident.

Note to self: do not punch matt in jaw.

**Chad**

Don't ask me what I think of those two fags. I hate them both. End of story.

I mean come on. Mello's a total maniac, like one of those crazy guys. I swear, he's Satan in disguise. Room 666 too. Irony much? Anyway the guys a total freak, and I pretty much hate his faggy guts. I'm not, like, a homophobe, I just hate him. And his fag-ness. I swear, he's nuts. I remember, once, Heather started a rumor that Mello was fucking Matt. The next day, she had I HAVE NO LIFE written on her forehead in permanent marker. It didn't come off for a few weeks, but it was nothing compared to the fact that he dyed her hair green.

Like I said - nuts.

How he found out that Heather started the rumor was beyond me, but he did, somehow. Judging by the way Near was beaten up that day too, he probably got the information out of him. Creepy little albino knows freakin everything, man. He's probably, like, an alien or something. He can read minds. Swear to god.

Matt's a totally different story. That kid is SUCH a nerd. And he's flamer, too, you can just tell. Total nerd. All he does all day is follow Mello around and play that stupid DS. He's a cocky little bastard, too. I remember The Classroom Incident - especially because I couldn't piss for two weeks afterwards, considering where the maniac kicked me - and how defendant of that maniac he had been. He was all 'O well I want to b friends will Satan, cuz I'm so kool. He's nice to ME.' what a cocky idiot.

I swear, the only reason he follows that boy around is because he wants to have sex with him. You would know, too, if you saw him following the maniac around. It was like he worshipped him or something, and he always stared at him, too. During class, during lunch, in the hallways. If he wasn't staring at a computer screen he was staring at Mello, or doing some chore for Mello.

I bet t hat's the deal. Matt goes and does stuff for him, and Mello lets him sex him up. That's probably what it is, or at least that's what Heather always says. Heather's cool, she knows a looser when she sees one.

Anyway.

That's really all I have to say about those two weirdoes.

**Roger**

I'm not sure why anyone would want my opinion on those two. Their just another pair of students. Maybe an odd pair - hot headed Mello and quiet little Matt, but I didn't really ponder it. I suspect that Mello was just using the other boy, since he tends to be a bad influence on everyone, sneaking out and breaking rules. But Mello is also number two, so he gets away with pretty much everyone.

I don't really know how, but Matt had inched his way up to being number three. The space of three usually interchanged a lot - though one and two always stayed the same these past years, Near and Mello - but Matt held his place very well. I'm not sure how - the boy never studied. Maybe the blonde did his homework for him, but I doubted it. Mello was rebellious, but he didn't seem the cheating type.

I don't know. I'm not a big children person. I may run an orphanage, but it's really only interesting to me because I like to observe how smart they are. Weird little kids, though. Hard to control. Too smart. Way, way too smart.

**Wammy**

**Ah, yes. The little pair.**

**Odd pairing they are, aren't they? Mello's such a fiery rebel, and Matt seems to be just floating along beside him, like the smoke of the flame that Mello had grown up to be. I remember when Mello first came to the orphanage, too. He was so silent and stony. But after a few days he started becoming more and more rebellious. I didn't usually mind though - as long as they weren't slacking on their studies (which Mello never did) then the rules they broke didn't really matter to me, or L for that matter, who at the time was much too busy worrying about the Kira investigations now.**

**I'm not at the orphanage most of the time, since I'm with L the majority of the time, but I remember one day quite clearly. It was raining that day, about a year after Matt's first arrival. I was sitting at my office chair, and when I looked out the window I saw Mello standing out there, drenched in rain, just simply standing there, face to the sky, drenched. I didn't do anything or tell him to come in - the kids all had weird fetishes or habits, and it was usually best not to distract them from it. **

**But then I saw the redhead come out from another door and run, straight through the rain, instantly drenched as he ran towards Mello, hand waving in the air. The blonde didn't even seem to see him coming until he was right beside him, and suddenly the redhead was on his knees, and I realized he was crying. The blonde looked down at him, slowly, and stared. Matt was begging, through couldn't hear him, his hands clasped together. He looked like an abandoned puppy, begging to be forgiven for messing up a new rug or chewing on a favorite pair of shoes. The blonde stared at him for a long while, just standing there in the rain, Matt drenched down to the bone. I remember getting up, ready to go outside and demand they come inside now, since the scene worried me, but then Mello was on his knees too, grabbing Matt into a hug.**

**I couldn't help but stare. I hadn't ever seen Mello show any emotion like that before. Matt's face was one of a relieved person, as if he had just found out he was no longer on the brink of death, hugging the blonde back. And I couldn't help but wonder what their relationship was.**

**Now, I'm an old man, I know how it is at that age. I mean, I certainly hoped it wasn't anything serious, heterosexual or homosexual, at that age such relationships are kind of dangerous. But I didn't interfere at all - I am an open minded man. I raised L, after all, who is also gay, though the fact is little known and L hardly acts on his hormones very often, as far as I know.**

**But it kind of made me think. And though I didn't ponder on it, I had a feeling those two would be together for a long time, and I was glad. If Mello could soften up, than anyone could.**


	7. Anniversary

_**A/N: Well, time lapse, folks. ^_^ I'd tell you their age, but it'll be kind of obvious soon. OH, and oh my god forgive me, I accidentally got some chapters confused… stupid document manager. Anyway the order of the chapters is back in order, I'm soooo sorry for any confusion!**_

**Mello**

I woke up to nothing but two green eyes in my vision, inches from my face.

Shocked, I yelped, but I quickly realized that it was Matt and relaxed, blush apparent on my face, but Matt didn't even seem to notice. He was grinning ear to ear, and I swear if he had a tail it would be wagging. "Happy Anniversary, Mells!"

I stare at him. At first I don't understand. Had I woken up to some weird reality where I was married to Matt? But then I quickly remember - of course! It's the anniversary of moving into my room. I beam at him, instantly pleased, finding myself hoping that he wasn't expecting a present since I forgot. Then again matt's the only one who remembers every year, which is kind of sad since we've been friends for two years now. It was hard to believe I was 13 now. Matt was getting there, he was twelve, but already he was taller than me. I kept telling him I would get taller than him one day, but he always rolled his eyes and said 'sure.' But I would. We were only just hitting puberty now.

"Happy anniversary to you too, Matty." I giggle - I still hated that giggle, some things never change - and shove him off of me, hopping out of bed. Matt's goggles were around his neck and he grinned at me. Matt really had not changed one bit over the two years we'd been best friends. He was still such an obedient puppy, I was still a total manipulating, PMSing bastard, and it would be a lie to say that I hadn't kind of taken advantage of his loyalty. Weird thing was that not once did he request that I stop, going along with everything to midnight chocolate runs to pranking Near to sneaking out in the middle of the night to skipping class to watch Johnny Depp movies. Yeah, it was the life.

Here was another weird thing - Matt still slept on my bed. Yeah, I know. See, we couldn't convince Roger to let us actually room together, and he insisted we would be okay separated and therefore would not allow another bed to be placed there. My suspicion was that he had heard the "fag" rumor - that was just this year starting to die away since they had no proof - and that's why he wouldn't let us room together. True, it was kind of suspicious, but I wasn't gay. Nothing had changed. Nothing. Of course, I wasn't about to make Matt stay in that stupid room again, and Matt didn't want to be left in there either, and so every day he would come visit me and simply not leave. We almost got caught a few times, but he always managed to jam himself under the bed whenever someone knocked on the door at night.

It was quite the life. He was the best friend you could probably ask for. I was a lucky bastard.

**Matt**

I turned around in bed, grinning from ear to ear because I couldn't help myself, sitting up over Mello's sleeping body. He was sleeping soundly, his lips slightly open, eyes closed softly, his breath even. It wasn't very often anyone but me could ever see him like this, completely peaceful. Asleep. The morning sun was just peeking through the window, reflecting through Mello's golden hair and illuminating his face, making him, admittedly, look breathtaking. So breathtaking that I almost just leaned over and kissed him. I could do it just gently, I thought for a moment, just enough, but not enough to make him awaken. But I knew I could never do that. That would be betrayal. Almost molestation. (kind of) And anyway.. I wasn't going to, no matter how breathtaking this person was.

But I wasn't gay. 

Honest.

Pushing away the thoughts I leaned forward very carefully, so that I was eyelevel with him, inches from his face. I slowly reached my hand around him and trailed my fingertips down his neck, which never once failed to wake him up. And this was no exception - Mello shivered and his eyes snapped open, and like every time I did this to him his face turned a precise shade of pink and he yelped, panic in his eyes for a split second, but his face immediately softened to a tiny smile as he recognized me and I said cheerfully, "Happy Anniversary, Mells~!" 

That feeling was great. He trusted me. 

Which was good, because we had been each other's only friends for two years now. And by only friends I mean ONLY friends. Mello probably could have friends, if he wanted them, he was pretty badass. But he had long ago passed the line from badass to bully, in most peoples eyes. Not to me though. He was just stressed. Angry. A ruptured soul, easily aggregated. Just temperamental. Not evil. No, there was no such thing as an evil angel, and that was surely what Mello was, at least to me. 

But anyway, it turned out being best friends with Mello means being not-friends with everyone else. They simply avoided me as if even looking at me would make Mello jump out of the shadows and stab them in the back, quickening their pace even when Mello wasn't around. The only people who still occasionally bothered me were Chad and Heather, but I managed to dodge them the majority of the time. May and Linda and that little posse of girls still bothered me too, but not in a mean way, really, as far as I knew. They just would ask me some weird question, I would nod, shake my head, or shrug, and then they would squeal and giggle and run away again.

I didn't understand what the big deal was. But whatever. I didn't care - Mello was the only friend I needed.

Mello looked up at me with big blue eyes, smiling. "Happy birthday to you too, Matty."I still loved that nickname.

Mello seemed to be in deep in some sort of thought, so I quickly bear-hugged him. He yelped again, then started laughing. "You forgot the anniversary again, didn't you?" I tease, releasing him from the hug. He smiles sheepishly, but he knows I don't really care. That boy was so busy he'd forget Christmas if there weren't any decorations up.

"Don't worry," I tell him happily, plopping on the bed. "I don't mind. It's not really a holiday anyway."

Mello frowned at me and tilted his head thoughtfully, then shrugged. "Well, it is to me," he says stubbornly, and I laugh, letting Mello have his own little sappy moment. I had plenty of them, so I shouldn't be selfish. Suddenly though the blondes usually delicate features became stony and frightful. "You didn't… buy me anything, did you?"I blink, clenching my jaw. Oops. I had bought him something, and I blushed. Had that been wrong? Had I made a mistake? Mello looked up and saw my expression, sighing. "Matt, you idiot, your not in trouble, I just feel bad not getting YOU anything."That gave me absolutely no relief and I squeezed his shoulder affectionately. "That's okay. I'm already sharing your bed, remember?" I had meant to cheer him up, but Mello only shrugged helplessly. I sigh and pat his head. "Do you not want the present?"Mello's head perked up almost immediately, shaking his head. "N-no! I want it!" he exclaimed, and I laughed at the horrified look on his face. He never did pass up the chance for a good gift, especially from Matt. The blonde's thin lips pressed shut, looking embarrassed, but I was used to how Mello was - I didn't care one bit. I loved every part of him.

Err….

Not in a gay way. Seriously. I'm not gay, so stop giving me that look, okay?

I wriggle out of the bed completely and pull the box out from under the bed. Mello's eyes immediately go big and wide, eyeing the box. Before I can even hand it to him he's torn it out of my hands and is ripping at the wrapping paper and I'm laughing, unable to contain my joy from the lit up expression on Mello's face. 

"Oh, MATT!" Mello cried, pulling the things out one by one. I'd kind of guessed I'd spent a tiny bit too much, but I couldn't help but indulge on Mello. Godiva chocolate, leather gloves, those really cool sunglasses Mello's always eyeing, I had to get them all. I couldn't HELP it - no new games for a few weeks, but worth it.

Mello looked up from the gifts with sparkling eyes, both probably from happy tears and just plain that his eyes sparkled. At least, when he wasn't glaring at you. But he certainly wasn't glaring right now - in fact he had thrown himself into my arms before I could ask if he liked it (which he obviously did, apparently).

I blush as Mello hugs me, squeezing me way too hard. I gasp for air - I'm pretty strong but Mello is just a fuckng machine or something, especially when he's pumped, and I wasn't about to try and tear him off of me. Finally Mello releases me, grinning from ear to ear. I smile too, brushing the hair from his eyes. "I'm assuming you like it?"The blonde smiled his angelic smile - god I wanted to melt - and nodded. "I love it matt - god you're an idiot for spending so much…"I smiled weakly. "Couldn't help it. Suited you too well." Mello was already running to the bathroom to get dressed, clearly just to flaunt his new things. I waited a few seconds, contemplating what we were to do with the rest of our day when Mello strutted his way out of the bathroom. I almost died. 

Mello had on his (and my) favorite outfit, a tight leather vest that stopped above his midriff, and his leather pants that were lower than they proudly should have been, stopping right where, if it hadn't stopped, it would have probably shown more than allowed, showing off his stomach, which I suddenly really wanted to touch. Those pants were damn tight too, which proved (again) that Mello was definitely, definitely a guy. His angelic hair was still there, contrasting with the outfit, and along with the sunglasses - mello had been right when he had originally eyed them at the store. They looked 'absolutely FABULOUS' oh him - and the leather gloves, he was probably the most badass, sexy, amazing thing I had ever seen.

Now was not the time to get hard, so I sucked in a breath as Mello made a show of posing around. "Don't I look awesome? God, Matt, I love you." he said happily, spinning around in a circle. I nod tightly, clenching my jaw and trying to distract my thoughts from pinning him to the floor and taking all of that fabulous outfit off, tearing it from him, everything off of him, pressing my lips on his, on everywhere, to imagine making him moan, making hi--

Whoa. Yeah. Thoughts must stop now or consequences will be given.

…yeah, that thing I said about me not being gay? 

I lied.

When Mello was finally done strutting around - thank Jesus in a robin suit (no I did not forget about that, even now it haunts me) - he stopped and gave me a look. I think possibly he took my clenched jaw in the wrong way, because his face fell a little bit. "Hey… I'm sorry I didn't get you anything, Matty. Really I am."

Immediately I shook my head. That was hardly what I was worried about - what I was worried about was accidentally raping my best friend - and I patted his head. "I told you, it's FINE."

Mello bit his lip, hands on his hips - oh, god, why cant I put MY hands there?… god I hate puberty! - and made the cutest pouty face of all time. (Yeah, I'm beyond saying I'm not gay. Stop smirking) I could tell he wasn't happy. And he made that perfectly clear as he looked up at me. "No it's not fair," he pouted angrily, self hatred in his eyes. "I couldn't have remembered this year, at least…"

"Mell…"

But mello was already perking up, looking up at me with big, hopeful blue eyes, and all at once he was right against me, standing on his tip toes to be face to face with me - I was a bit taller than he was - his hands on my chest, determination in his gaze. "Hey, I can make it up to you, right? We can do whatever you want! Anything at all, just name it and we'll do it!"

_Don't tempt me, Mells, I will NOT hesitate to rape you, right here, on the floor of this dorm room. _I almost said. But - duh - I didn't. Stammering to find an answer to his request, I struggled to resist touching his bare stomach, eyes darting around for an excuse, something to distract myself.

Luckily, the sound of a knock at the door saved me.

**Mello**

Near didn't even wait for a response before walking in. Little fuck. 

The little albino simply walked in, blank expression on his face. At least, it was pretty damn blank until he saw us there. He stared at Matt, then me, and then him again, his face blank, as if he didn't know how he was suppose to react. Which was kind of weird because A) the little twit was a super genius (much as I hate to admit that) and B) he already knew Matt stayed in my room.

Yeah, it's true. It was because he was the only one uncaring enough to just walk into 'the devils room' which was pretty damn stupid, and he'd caught us sleeping in that same bed several times. But he's such a blank slate that I doubt he even cared. 

I narrow my eyes, slipping away from Matt - who looks really flustered for some reason, probably just worried about getting in trouble again, worry wart - my fingers brushing his thigh accidentally as I turn to scowl at Near. "What the fuck do you want?" I hiss, putting my hands on my hips as I lean forward to further scowl at him.

Most children either flee, start panicking, or try to act tough when I do this to them. There were only two children who never had that reaction, Near and Matt. Matt would have a number of different reactions depending on the situation, usually either involving a humorous sarcastic comment or getting that pathetic puppy dog look on his face. Near, on the other hand, just continued to stare at me like I hadn't even moved. Urk. Just fucking urk. It was annoying enough when he did that normally, but this was in MY room, during MY anniversary with Matt (not that he knew that), and I was in the middle of prying a way to get out of feeling guilty about forgetting that scarf.

Near spoke as I finished that thought, as if he had been reading my thoughts and waiting for me to finish, and looked up at Matt as he spoke, ignoring me completely. "You left this outside in the hallway," he said blankly, holding up a video game. I stared at it as it was lifted up to Matt, who only stared at it. It occurred to me that Near really shouldn't know whose game that was - the redhead was a nerd but he wasn't the only one in the whole orphanage who played video games. 

But apparently it was Matt's because he reached out and took it, his face stony and clenched. He looked upset about something - lord, he was acting weird. I hoped it wasn't my fault that he was acting like this, but why would it be? He said the gift thing was alright, and he looked like he meant it. Had Near said something that bothered him?

"Have a nice day, then, Matt," Near said after waiting a few seconds for a reaction from Matt - who didn't give one - and for a split instant second I swear to god I thought I saw him smirk.

He smirked.

At Matt.

I know, it sounds unbelievable that an ice cube could smirk, but he did. For a few seconds. I know I didn't imagine it, because Matt shifted uncomfortably, a tiny bit of…. A blush? Was he seriously blushing? I clenched my fists, suddenly extremely angry. Angry at everything. Angry at Near for being here, for smirking at matt, for making matt blush. Matt didn't blush, especially not for Near. I was mad at Matt, too, for blushing at Near's smirk, and at the door for not having a lock, and at Near for barely even knocking, and at myself for being so angry at everything.

And then Near turned, and he left.

**Matt**

"Have a nice day then, Matt."

I stared at him, clutching the game in my hand, disbelieving. Did Near just smirk at me? I knew why, though, all at once. He knew. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, he knew. I felt a blush come to my cheeks. He knew. I could tell, just in that split second that he smirked at me, that he knew at least to a certain extent how attracted to Mello I had been a few seconds. Not so dense for a totally emotionless sheep-head I suppose, then. I almost expected him to turn and tell Mello what he had figured out, but he didn't. He just turned and he left. Which was actually kind of worse, in a way, because I could tell that Mello saw that smirk too. Slowly, the blonde turned his head to look at me, his delicate features twisting into a grimace. 

"What the hell was that?" he growled, pointing to the game. "How'd the little stalker know that was your game?"

Um. Actually, that I knew too.

_I had been sitting by myself outside the doorway of Mello's room. I could hear him changing clothes inside, and I resisted the urge to walk in and pretend that it had been accidental. Why wasn't he changing in the bathroom?_

_I closed my eyes and changed the topic in my mind, going back to fiddling with my game. It was asking me to name and pick the gender for my character for the dumb little RPG that was so annoyingly addicting. I almost automatically switched to male, but then a thought occurred to me. The female in the game had shoulder length blonde hair, and a slim featured face. Immediately I was reminded of Mello. The outfit didn't really look like him, but I could change that later in the game. Without really thinking about it, I smirked and named the character Mello. Cute little character too, really did look like him. Even flat chested. The only difference was that 1) it was a video game character and 2) it probably had girly parts._

_Name? I typed in Mells. Yes, damn game, I was sure that was the name I wanted. I hated how it always asked me that. If it wasn't the name I wanted I wouldn't have typed it in. Just as I was ready to be angry at the game for manipulating me into thinking of Mello, I heard the door beside me open, and out came the creepy little albino. Immediately I hid my game behind the desk, pretending to be fiddling with my shoelaces, though I knew I couldn't fool the clever little albino. He gave me a hard stare for a long moment, then blinked and said, "I think Mello's done changing now."_

_I stared at him. Whoa. Doesn't get much creepier than that. Then again if I could hear him from in here, hissing in irritation from inside while he tried to get the zipper of his jacket to come off, then I bet with the consistently thin walls Near could too. _

_Knowing he expected me to go in immediately, and sneaking a glance at my abandoned game, I got up and went into Mello's room. Nobody would take the game if they had any sense, last time anyone stole my things Mello beat their brains out. _I never went back for it. Shit, shit shit. I knew immediately that Near must have seen that I named the character - the hot FEMALE character - Mells. As I remembered what had happened I suddenly realized Mello was staring at me, expecting a reply.

I only shrugged, helpless. "I don't know. Maybe he saw me playing it? Little twits annoyingly smart."Mello smiled at me, seeming pleased with the reply, and put his hands on his hips again absentmindedly. "Well, that was annoying. On our anniversary, too." He giggled - aw, fuck, I love that giggle - and flipped his hair. "We sound like an old married couple."I smile half-heartedly. Married couple. That's a nice thought.

"Only if you're the bride," I tease, poking him in the ribs and accidentally picturing him in a wedding gown. Mello squealed, ever ticklish, and I continued tickling him, making him squeal and laugh and giggle, flailing around, failing to avoid my tickles. 

"Ah! Ah! Stop that, Matt! Ahh! Nooo, ahahaha! You big idiot!" Mello yelped, unable to keep the grin off his face. I was one of the few people who knew he was ticklish, and the only one who would actually be allowed to tickle him, and he dived away finally, to the other side of the room, only to have me chase him down, tickling him all over again. "Ahh! Matty! Matty! Stop! Ah! Hahaha! Your hurting me! Aha!" 

That 'hurting me part' was a lie, I knew, but I stopped automatically, only to have him slip and knock my feet from under me, falling to pin him down on the bed, automatically stopping my fall and his. 

The situation and position we were in was absolutely wand-- …awkward, my hands holding him down on his shoulders, his legs tangled in mine, Mello blushing like a wild maniac, giggles still subsiding in him. I knew I was blushing, but I didn't move for a split second, just letting the moment sink in.

Mello stopped laughing, and I froze. "Okay, seriously, get off of me."

I blushed harder and rolled off of him. "sorry." I said, but he waved his hand dismissively, obviously not noticing the fact that I was extremely turned on. Fight, man, fight, I told myself. Your turning into a flaming homosexual.

Well actually, maybe I'd always been a flaming homosexual.

"So, Matty," Mello tried again, scooting close to me and peering into my eyes. I looked back at him, letting myself smile and relax. "What DO you want to do today?"I almost said 'whatever you want to do' but I knew automatically that wasn't what the blonde wanted out of me. He wanted an honest answer. I frowned, unable to think of anything good. I mean, anything with Mello was fun, as long as he wasn't bitching the entire time - even when he was it was actually pretty fun, really - and I shrugged hopelessly. "I really don't care," I told him, and he made a pouty face as I said it, making me feel kind of guilty. "I mean, really, we always have fun. Can't we just sneak out and hang out like we always do? Go out on the town or whatever?"Mello gave me a long look, then finally broke into a satisfied smile, brushing the golden hair from his face and around his ear. "Is that really what you want to do?""I just want to spend the whole day with you." I told him, smiling. It was the truth, really, though I left out the part that after the day was over I wanted do some rather… inappropriate things. But I wouldn't dare say that out loud, much less do it.

Mello stared into space for a long, awkward moment, then grinned and ruffled my hair - aah, I loved that - laughing. "Okay, fine, then. I'll wear my badass outfit, you'll wear… whatever you want I guess, and we'll go kick some city-life ass, okay?"

I feel my grin broaden. That's my Mells. "Alright, deal," I tell him, getting up from the bed to get on some clothing, any awkwardness shoved aside in my mind, "Tell me when your ready to go."

**Mello**

Spend the whole day with me.

Wow.

What an extremely luxuriant request, since we were obviously going to do that anyway.

But I was determined to make this day completely and utterly awesome-tasitic. So awesometastic that we'd have to make up a new word for how awaesometastic it was. Not that awesometastic was really a word anyway.

As soon as Matt was ready - he was wearing that adorable black and white shirt and some very skinny jeans, goggles over his eyes, hair all brushed out for once. I had to admit, he cleaned up pretty nice. Not that I was, you know, gay… but if I were, you know, a girl, I'd probably be flirting with him. But I wasn't.

So yeah. Shut up.

Matt gave me that big, boyish puppy-smile and we headed out.

***

"Oh my GOD Matty, this is sooo good. Mmmmmmm…"

Matt held back a laugh, obviously amused by appeal at the drink before me, but I didn't care. Did you know they make chocolate soda? Because apparently they do, and I was loving it. We had stopped in a club down the road from Wammys - it's right near a city where they really don't care how underage you are (especially considering we were only 13.) Anyway it wasn't like we were drinking anything with alcohol, I was just drinking chocolate soda and Mat was sipping….something. Mountain Dew I think.

The club was sort of lame, but there were lots of high school students there so we fit in, and there was a dance floor with a fog machine and anything. Matt kept glancing at the dance floor, but we both have a serious lack of dancing talent. Apparently super-genius (even if I'm kind of active) and good-dancer just doesn't go together in a single person.

"Okay," Matt said, taking another drink of his soda. "You are officially a chocoholic."Chocoholic, huh? I liked the sound of that, and I smiled, rolling my eyes. "At least I'm not addicted to video games."

Matt frowned. "I could stop that any time I wanted to.""Sure," I teased. Matt grinned and rolled his eyes, poking my ribs. 

"Don't make me tickle you again in front of all these people," he tease-threatened, and I stuck my tongue out at him. However, I knew that he seriously meant it, and there were a number of people shooting looks at us, so I stopped teasing him about his video game addiction.

We had been sitting around in this club for a couple minutes when I heard a shrill voice from my left - the side where matt was sitting - and turned to see a girl standing beside Matt, smiling way too wide. She had long, wavy black hair that went down past her shoulders, pale skin and a cleavage showing, short cut white dress on, with long legs. She was tall, too. At first glance she was actually kind of pretty, but you could totally tell that her hair was dyed and that dress was extremely sluttish.

She apparently knew it, because she leaned forward a little and said, "Well hi there, cutie. You new here?"Fuck it. She was talking to Matt. Not that I cared, or at least I shouldn't, but I found myself eyeing Matt intensely, waiting for a reaction. He looked up from his drink and his eyes widened, seeming to do a double take at the girl. God, she was a hoe, I thought, but Matt seemed to take it a different way and scooted back in his seat, giving her an awkward smile. That awkward smile he was suppose to be paying attention to ME with.

"Uh, hi. Yeah," Matt said, still smiling, his feet shuffling below him where his feet barely touched the ground on the barstool. The whore in front of him smiled and sat in the seat to his left, completely ignoring the fact that I was there with him. She probably realized I was a guy, though, so it wasn't like she was expecting us to be together for our anniversary. Of course, it wasn't like we were dating, so I mean..

"What's your name, then?" she purred, scooting to the edge of her seat. Was she DRUNK or something? Matt didn't seem to notice at all t hough, quickly replying that he was Matt. Was he seriously still talking to her?

I huffed as she continued to talk to him, telling him that her name was Mallory, and I poked at my drink, sipping it, trying to look like I didn't care that the girl was flirting with Matt. Which I shouldn't, it wasn't like I was his gay lover or anything creepy like that.

But it was kind of annoying, since Matt kept talking to her. Driving me absolutely insane. I tried to block out their conversation - which was more of the hoe Mallory flirting and blabbing and Matt going 'uh-huh' 'yeah' 'sure' in between. 

I was freakin pissed.

**Matt**

Who the hell was this girl?She was kind of attractive, I guess, if you were, you know, not a flaming homosexual. She kept flirting and leaning forward, like some sort of lynx or something. I was fighting the urge to turn and look at Mello again, because I could sense that he was glaring at her, but what was I suppose to do? The girl was NOT stopping her jab.

She reminded me of Linda.

"So, hey," Mallory said, her blue eyes locking with mine. They were not the cool blue Mello had, that kind of creamy blue that was swimming with alcohol, even though I was pretty sure she wasn't much older than me. "I was wondering if you wanted to dance or something?"Uh. No? Sorry, I'm here to have an anniversary with my best friend.

That's what I WANTED to say, but I couldn't make it come out. She was way too close to me, and I felt frozen between her flirtatious look and Mello's hatred boring into my back. I wondered if she even saw Mello there. I wondered if she saw him flinch - I know he did, I could feel it - when she reached out those over manicured fingers and placed them on my knee, grinning confidently. I wondered if she could tell I wasn't frozen with attraction to her, but rather the conflict of saying hell no and making her ask why - what was I suppose to say, I'm already here w itch my best friend? I'm gay? Both would freak Mello out, probably. But if I said yes, Mello'd be upset probably, and I sure as hell didn't want to dance with her. I wondered if she saw Mello stand up with that huff. I wondered if -

"Hey, bitch," Mello hissed, suddenly beside me. Her face twisted in confusion and anger as her head snapped up to look at Mello. So she HADN'T noticed him before, obviously, because her face contorted in confusion upon seeing him - I could tell what she was thinking too. Girl? No, guy. But why? And then Mello's hand grabbed her wrist and twisted it away, not painfully lucky for her, and moved it from my knee, freeing me from my previously frozen state and allowing me to scoot away. "Get lost, he's here with me."

I felt myself blush. I coul dnt help it, I was blushing. And smiling. Even though I knew Mello didn't mean it that way, I could tell Mellissa totally saw it that way, because her face went from confusion to horror to disgust as she got up, grabbing up her purse and pulling up her shirt - so she KNEW it was too low! - before stalking away, her too high heels making a clack noise with every step.

There was a long, stretched out moment before Mello sat back down. I turned to face him, to apologize, but Mello was already looking up at me, his eyes big and sad. "I'm sorry, Matty."

Wait. What?

**Mello**

I couldn't help it. I tried to hold back all my emotions, but I couldn't.

That boy was mine. This was our anniversary. Call me gay if you want, I wanted to hang out with him today, and today I was the only one allowed to talk with him, dance with him, or touch him. 

I tried to ignore it. It wasn't like I owned him, and this was what guys do, right? They go to bars and flirt with chicks. Regular dude stuff. But I guess I wasn't a normal dude, because the moment that whore put her hand on MY Matty's knee, her fingers so poorly painted seeming resting on his leg, as if she owned him, as if she was above him, above ME, I found myself standing up and pulling her hand away. 

"Get lost, he's with me."The girl looked up at me. I could read her face, easily. I could tell she was trying to judge what I meant by that. Trying to read my expression - which I'm sure was deathly angry - and trying to understand what I was meaning by that statement. Her face contorted with confusion, then it turned to disgust and horror. As if she had just witnessed something so horrifying. And she got up and stalked away, those ugly ass shoes making a horrid clack clack clack until she vanished in the crowd of dancing, chattering teens, the blaring techno music drowning out their sound.

I could tell what she thought. It was the same expression my mother had.

_I was sitting on the floor, staring at my little G I Joe dolls that my father had bought me one morning. I frowned at them, displeased with their irremovable outfits. It wasn't any fun if you couldn't play with the outfits. I sat up and wandered into my sister's room. She had dolls of all sorts, and dresses for them, and shirts for them. And those ken dolls had outfits too, unlike the G I Joes with their ugly faces and big buff bodies that wouldn't even take Barbie clothes if you tried to put them on._

_But before I could reach the dolls, which I so wanted to play with - not like Kate would care anyway, she was much older than me and she didn't play with them anyway - I saw it. The make up box._

_When my mom returned home I looked fabulous. Okay, as fabulous as a six year old could accomplish. I had painted my nails red and pink. I loved painting my nails. I loved it. I did my fingernails, my toe nails. I tried the eye shadow too, but I didn't like that as much._

_She gave me s much an expression when I showed her though. She stared at me in shock, then her face twisted to horror. Such horror upon seeing me like that that she grabbed her rosary and gaped at me, wide eyed. "Dear god… RICHARD!"Richard was my fathers name. He wasn't happy with me, either. He was a paranoid man, not that I realized it at the man, and at the sight of his SON wearing nail polish, well, I think he was pretty horrified. He went on a long lecture which I didn't understand at the time. Why couldn't I wear nail polish? Guys weren't suppose to wear nail polish. Not allowed. Only girls and GAYS wore nail polish._

_After that day they ignored any plea for anything even slightly relating to anything gay. They dragged me away from anything, even tennis, because girls played it. Signed me up for football, which I hated. They lectured me with everything, about how I would go to hell, about how I should be attracted to girls. I neither defied nor agreed with them. I mean, I wasn't a homophobe like they were, but I was only seven. Like I would know if I was attracted to guys or not._

_Now that I thought about it…_

_Was I gay?And then I realized as I watched that girl stalk away - was MATT gay? No. He wasn't. I knew that, he was way too, well straight to be gay. He would comment on how hot girls were. He played violent video games. And not to be prejudice and everything, but he didn't DRESS gay (expert those pants, but… that was emo, not gay). And if he wasn't gay, then I had just chased away his chance at a date with a hot girl._

_Guilt twisted in my stomach and I sat down again, I could tell my face was burning with blush. I had to apologize, so I lifted my head to talk to him. He was blushing, I noticed, probably because I embarrassed him on front of that girl, which made me feel even guiltier, sadness in my expression. "I'm sorry, Matty." I whispered, clutching my drink. I felt tears sting my eyes, but I held them away. No. I couldn't ruin this day. I wouldn't._

_Matt stared at me, dumbfounded look on his face, his mouth hanging open a little before he finally replied with a, "What?"_

_I frown at him, irritated out of no where. "I said I was sorry."_

_Matt stared at me. It was a really long, stretched out moment, and the music seemed even louder, some song that I thought I recognized but I ignored it. His face went from confused to sad. "Why are YOU sorry? I should be sorry for ignoring you, Mells."I smile despite myself. That would normally be the reaction I was hoping for, but not really. "This was suppose to be your present, Matty," I murmured, fiddling with the straw in my drink. I hated apologizing, it always made me feel so weak, but right now I was alone with Matt, Matt and a bunch of strangers that wouldn't remember me later. I had to say something. Something…_

_Suddenly I felt Matt's hand on my shoulder, and I peeked up. He was smiling. "Come on, Mells, don't be such a wuss," he said, and I knew he was teasing, his smirk radiating true pleasure, "That girl was a giant whore anyway, I'd rather dance with you. It IS our anniversary after all." _

_Matt laughed when my face lit up - I really shouldn't have been as happy as I was right then, but fuck you I was damn happy. Hopping to my feet, I twisted around and stretched out my hand. "Let's dance then, cutie," I purred, imitating the girl in an attempt at a joke. Matt roared with laughter, that loud, genuine laughter that was music to my ears as he took my hand. "Yeah, let's."_


	8. Tickles and Torchers

**Matt**

After about twenty minutes of dancing - or at least trying to - it changed to a slow song and we both left, declaring the club unawesometastic and we were never ever going there ever again until we got bored.

Somehow we ended up at the park. I wasn't much of an outdoorsy person, but having a picnic with Mello sounded nice, so we grabbed some food - which really was just some pizza and a few chocolate bars - and plopped outside.

Now like I said I'm not much of an outdoorsy person, but Mello leaning back on the park bench, the sun illuminating that golden hair of his in it's girly cut, sunshine lighting up his porcelain skin, I was immediately content. The park was mostly empty, since it was kind of chilly - not that I cared - so I pulled my goggles off, letting them rest on my forehead.

"I love going out on the town with you," I tell him honestly, stretching and leaning back in the chair. It was already starting to get late - that club had been so much fun, after that girl was gone - letting myself relax. Mello giggles and ruffles my hair again.

"You, sir, are easy to please," Mello tells me, and I stick out my half-glare, half-smile at him. He immediately fakes terror and covers his mouth, pretending to cower. "Oh no, Matty's angry, I'm going to be TICKLED TO DEATH!"

I grin and take that as a cue to start tickling him - also an excuse to touch his stomach - and Mello screeches, withering under me and laughing like a maniac, trying to shove me away. I grin and tickle him more, leaning over him. He's now pretty much completely under me, and I catch a few joggers give us weird looks, but I don't mind.

Suddenly Mello's eyes open and he looks at me, his eyes going from elated to mischievous and he grabs my hands sitting up and looks at me suspiciously. "Matty, are YOU ticklish?"**Mello**

He'd told me plenty of times before that he wasn't ticklish, and he shook his head no, his eyes returning to my stomach and obviously planning on tickling my again. But I wasn't going to just keep giggling my head off - it was embarrassing, not that I minded that much. "Oh come on. You have to be ticklish SOMEWHERE," I say teasingly, and move forward, hands moving to his neck fist, to no prevail. I get no giggles, only a choking noise and a shake of his head. "I told you, I'm NOT ticklish."I frown poutily, smiling inside as my fingers dance over his arms and down to his chest. "Ticklish yet?" I tease, but his face has gone stony - was he trying not to laugh? - but I got no reaction and I grinned wider, hands going under his shirt, searching for a ticklish spot. Matt's eyes widen and I tickle around his waistline, searching for a reaction, but he doesn't laugh, instead clenching his teeth.

I smirk. "Ticklish yet?" I ask mischievously, trying to get at least a chuckle, but suddenly Matt wasn't playing along anymore, and all at once his hands grabbed mine, pulling them away. I flinch, surprised - Matt almost never acted out against me, especially when we were playing around like this - but Matt's face is serious as he looks me in the eyes, goggle less, his emerald green wonders burning into mine.

"I'm not ticklish, Mello." he says stonily, almost harshly, almost sadly, almost gently, all at once, his fingers tightly wrapped around my wrist. I feel a chill down my spine, and I immediately know I have done something wrong.

"Matty?" I whisper. I hadn't mean to upset him, but his eyes were boring into mine, as if searching for something in my eyes. What was he searching for? I felt like he was sifting through my mind, invading me, almost. I twisted my wrists around, trying to free them, and Matt immediately let go, standing up and pulling his shirt further down. He was blushing now - I was so damn confused - and he turned away, giving me a cold shoulder.

"Come on Mells, it's getting late. Grab your chocolate and let's go home."

**Matt**

Mello was not a good tickler. He was, though, a very good at touching.

His hands on my neck was bad enough, I could tell that was suppose to be tickling, but as his hands inched down me, under my shirt now, I felt myself tense up. No. Must not get hard, I told myself. I could tell he was only trying to tease me, to make me laugh, but it wasn't working, his dancing hands trailing around on my chest, down to my stomach, my waistline, my pant line.

_Just relax. Your not ticklish, just let him touch you. It feels good. _My mind whispered to me. On one hand, that made sense, but I couldn't take what he was doing without moving. I wanted to moan, to yelp, to mewl, but I couldn't, that would be weird. That wasn't the reaction the smirking boy before me was looking for. I wanted to touch him back. I wanted to let him touch me all he wanted, I wanted to touch him back, and I wanted to jump him, right there, and rape him right on this bench.

But I wasn't going to.

I couldn't.

He had no feelings for me.

I had no right to take advantage of his unbeknownst turn ones.

And so I shook my head, grabbing his hands and moving them away. I could tell a blush was trying to spread on my face, and I immediately felt horrible when Mello's face fell to sadness and confusion and worry. "I'm not ticklish, Mello." I knew my voice sounded cold as I said this, but I had to be. Otherwise he would think I was joking, and keep doing it. I would enjoy that, but I had no right to enjoy it, because that wasn't what he was trying to do.

I couldn't just perv on my best friend. His eyes widened, his eyes searching my face desperately. "Matty..?" he whispered the question, worriedly, squirming. I stared into those big blue eyes, searching for something. Anything that might make me think he had intended to do that. Anything to make me think that maybe, just maybe he liked me too. That maybe he returned the feelings I had for him.

Mello had a look of panic in his eyes for a slight second, and his wrists twisted, trying to escape the grasp I hadn't realized I still on his hands. I released him and stood up, turning around.

There was nothing there.

Nothing more than friendship for him.

"Come on Mells. It's getting late. Grab your chocolate and let's go home." I murmured. I could tell Mello was shocked, staring at me with big blue eyes. I could tell he wanted to hit me. I could tell he wanted to question me. I could tell he wanted to pry.

He didn't do any of that. He simply went limp and stood up, his teeth clenched and he nodded. "Y-yeah. Okay." he smiled and gathered the two chocolate bars he hadn't eaten, abandoning the pizza on the bench - maybe some homeless person would eat it, I think - and walked to take the lead. Because he always led the way. He was in charge, I was only a puppy that followed him around. He owned every goddamn inch of me.

I wondered if he knew it.

But it was probably better. Better that he didn't feel anything for me. Probably better that I didn't even try to make him realize I liked him. Better that he didn't know.

_But if I don't tell him, he'll keep doing weird things. _My mind whispered. I figured it was probably true. And the more weird things he was allowed to do, the more angry he would be when he found out what I felt. But as soon as he found out… what would happen? Would or friendship just end?

I sighed angrily, conflicting emotions crashing in my brain like a train wreck as I followed him back home.

**Mello**

_I'm watching you sleep? Can you feel me staring at you?_

My thoughts are sending silent questions to the sleeping form beside me. He was laying there on the bed, his breath steady, his red hair messy against the pillow beside me. I don't really know why I'm watching him. There's really nothing else to stare at, though, and I can't sleep. Not with all the questions swimming through my head.

Why was he mad at me?I hadn't questioned him when we finally managed to sneak back into Wammys. Matt had smiled at me shakily, as if still afraid of something, and squeezed my hand, told me not to worry, told me not to care. "Really, Mells. I just had a weird moment. I'm just tired. Too much caffeine. I had a great time. Okay?"

I didn't believe him. I mean, I believe he had a great time, right up to the point with the tickling. Maybe I just wasn't a good tickler? I mean, I knew that already, but.. I stared at him, his shoulders moving slightly as he breathed. I had a stranger urge to run my fingers through his hair, but I didn't.

Why did I want to?I wasn't sure. Maybe because I was a huge flaming natural-born homosexual.

Fuck me if I'm starting to admit it. I mean, maybe I was. I didn't really know. It's not like I've looked at porn…. Okay, okay, I've looked at porn. But none of it was particularly appealing, the straight porn was all just girls with huge boobs, and that didn't really turn me on at all. I never dared even peeking at gay porn. The idea of it just… it made me grimace.

'_Faggot.' 'Flamer.' 'Gay-wad.' 'Girly boy!'_

I close my eyes, clutching my fists, remembers the accusations I had before coming to Wammys. At the orphanage, most people were open minded to anything and everything, we had brains, except maybe Chad and Heather, who really only bothered me about it because I got offended when they said it. But back when I was younger, at the regular school… I remembered that everyone always said I looked like a girl. Maybe because I kind of do. But I WASN'T a girl. And I wasn't a homosexual.

At least I always said so.

'_Being gay is a sin, Mihael. You must understand - marriage is between a man and a woman. God will forgive you for being gay, all you have to do is repent, so you don't have to worry about your sister. She's at an institute to fix her now. She will be fine.'_

'_Are you sure, mother? That god will forgive such a sin?'_

I close my eyes, trying to force the memories from my mind. My sister. Oh, god, Krista. Krista…

I look again at Matt. The question, now that I thought about it, wasn't weather or not I liked guys but if I liked Matt. But if I liked matt I liked guys, right? Unless matt was somehow secretly a girl, which he couldn't be. I'd seen him - all of him. I mean, it's bound to happen, since we live together in the same room…

"_Matt, OPEN THE DAMN DOOR.""I'm NAKEEEDD!" Matt called, his voice teasing. I thought for sure he was joking, since he never changed in his room, so I opened the door myself._

_And hell, that boy was really naked. Completely, and utterly naked. His back was to me, but I could see him, all of him. His face turned about as red as a tomato, dropping the shirt he had been holding in shock. My face had turned hot and I slammed the door shut again, choking on my own breath. Sweet hot nakedness, I had thought, my panicked breathing nearly choking me, the space in my pants getting uncomfortably tight. I hissed in irritation and ignored it until it went away and Matt called me back in, fully clothed once more, and the moment was shoved to the back of my mind._

I stared at Matt, wishing the memory away. That should have been proof enough for me, but….

"Dammit, your gay," I hissed, flopping on the bed, face in pillow. No. No. I wasn't gay. I couldn't be gay. Mother had raised me so I wouldn't be. I kept telling myself it wasn't possible, I had done everything to prevent it…

'_Being gay isn't a disease, Mihael! Don't turn closed minded like our mother. Just admit it - I'm gay. It's just how it is. I'm not going to get fixed, because they can't fix me - I was born that way. God made me this way, don't you understand? They'll only try to brainwash me!'_

I close my eyes. Krista's voice was in my mind again, and I remembered, remembered her fighting and kicking and screaming that she hated my mother. That she hated my dad for sitting back and doing nothing as they led her away to the institute, where they would supposedly rid her of her homosexuality. The fact that she was a lesbian. I remembered her best friend - or who I had originally perceived her to be her friend - screaming from her own yard, chasing the car she was down, waving her arms, shouting that they'd never tear them apart. Krista promising she'd never let them fix her.

At the time I didn't understand. Didn't Krista want to be fixed? Didn't her friend want to be fixed, so they would be able to have a normal relationship?

Now I wasn't so sure.

Looking back now was too painful though. Remembering the face of my dead parents, of the sister I had adored… all dead. All torn from my clutches. All leading up to me being here, at Wammys, without any family. My parents had been paranoid, homophobic, probably racist for all I knew, but they had been loving parents. They loved me. They loved Krista, though they hated certain parts of her. They didn't realize how hard it was for her. For me. They thought they were helping us.

And then I felt the need to pull my fingers through his hair again, and I curled myself up on the bed, letting my body cry. The tears ran down my cheeks, panted up memories and emotions spilling along with them.

'_Don't listen to them, Mihael. You know who you are. We know your not a fag, okay? Your parents know you.'_

Did they know me? I didn't even know anymore. I pressed my face in the pillow, breathing in the familiar, combined scent of my own and Matt's smell. Why did that comfort me so much?

'_Don't cry for her, stupid boy. She's going to get fixed. You don't have to worry about her, she'll come back free of sin. You don't have to worry.' The kind voice, the comforting hand taking mine as I sobbed for my sister, my horribly, mentally abused sister that had collapsed, screaming that she didn't want to go to any institute, that she didn't want anyone to try to fix her, that there was nothing wrong with her. When I looked at her that day, I believed her. I knew that she truly knew what she was talking about. That somehow she really did love that girl that father had caught her kissing._

More painful memories caught in my mind, my fingers clenching and unclenching as I curled deeper into the blankets, trying to subdue my sobs to be noiseless, choking on the tears and sobs.

_I was sitting on the rug, happy little boy that I used to be, my sister Krista and her friend, Lauren, sitting side by side, Lauren painting my nails a pretty dark red, Krista snuggling against Lauren as she did this. I didn't question the way they touched and hugged. I didn't see what was so abnormal - they seemed so happy. Mother had requested that they stopped hanging out, but Lauren had snuck in through the neighbor, the pretty chocolate-skinned beauty slipping through the window. I remembered both of them so clearly, how Krista had squealed happily when Lauren came in, gathering her up in her arms and kissing her lips. I didn't question it. It was all just happiness to me, and I just wanted to h ave my nails painted._

_Mother didn't think so. She saw them when he came on. Accusations. Screaming. Yelling. Pointing. Father only standing in the doorway, never moving to help either side of the argument. My sister hugging Lauren, crying and yelling in her own defense. It was horrible. I didn't understand. Didn't understand what she meant. Why did she keep calling them sinners? Why did she accuse them of being such horrible people? Tell them that they were a horrid influence on me, that they were teaching me to be gay. I didn't understand. I tried to defend them, clinging to my mother's arm. 'They aren't trying to teach me gay, mommy, their trying to teach me to do my own nails!' That didn't help. It only caused more yelling. More yelling. So much yelling._

I close my eyes tighter, letting more tears come. It felt good, to cry. I hated crying, but it had been so long since I cried… it felt good to just let it out. It was like laughing, only it was much, much more painful.

I didn't want it to, but another memory crashed through the barriers of my mind like a hurricane, swirling in my mind.

_The policemen at the door. Telling the babysitter what had happened. Telling her about the car accident. It had been storming outside, and Lauren and Krista had snuck out to be together. The 'fixing' obviously hadn't worked. Mother had grabbed Father and him along to go and pick them up, leaving me with the babysitter. I didn't know how to react. I was simply left behind, dragged off to fetch my sister. I didn't think anything of it at the time, didn't even say goodbye to them. I just hoped that sister would forgive me for not defending her. For not trying to stop them. But I was only eight. What was I suppose to do? How was I suppose to know that the car that they shoved the two lovers in would crash into a semi? A semi that, by cruel fate, held gasoline that burned them all alive, an explosion so horrible that they all died a horrible, fiery death. Telling the babysitter. I was sitting there on the rug. Listening. I d idn't understand. Where had mother and father gone? Why weren't they coming back? Why was the babysitter crying? Why couldn't I see them?_

_They were all dead. All of them. Beautiful, wonderful Krista that painted my nails and hugged me when I cried, who was such a sinner in my mothers eyes, who loved with all of her heart, everyone, everything, who never judged anyone who hadn't harmed her. Lauren, who loved Krista right back, who never meant any harm, whose chocolate-brown skin I had loved, whose messy black hair she had always let me play with. My mother, my closed minded mother, who prayed and repented every sin she made, who watched us all carefully, for any sign of something going wrong. Judging nobody more than my sister. And my dad, too. He was so weak. Weaker than me. I was strong. He let everyone step on him, especially my mother. He tried to be kind, but he failed miserably at any kind of argument. With a anyone. So much that eventually he simply faded into the background, blending in and hiding behind his beliefs, never reaching out to help his children as they were judged so harshly._

_I closed my eyes, my sobs becoming more audible before I could stop them. I couldn't help it. I was a fucking fag. I was born that way, that's what my sister always said. I couldn't bring myself to believe my mother, that my sister was flawed or sinning. She was beautiful. I looked up to her, even now that I am her age. Still envied her ability to be kind to everyone. Even my mother. When mother got sick and frail, she was always the one to take care of her, despite the fact that she was constantly judged by her, she couldn't ever bring herself to hate her, despite her judgmental ways._

_The judgmental ways that, in the end, made them meet t heir demise._

_I closed my eyes, ready to start sobbing harder before I felt an arm go around me, pulling me in. Matt. He was suddenly hugging me against him, his lips resting on my head, his arms pulling me into him. His strength was surprising, but I welcomed his comfort without thinking, turning to face him. His eyes were sad and green. I knew he couldn't understand the reason for my sobs, since I hadn't ever told him my past and he hadn't ever told me his, but he looked so pitying. He was the only one I ever wanted to pity me. Even him, it hurt to see the pity in his eyes, but I allowed it this once, pressing my nose into his shirt, letting him stroke my back with his fingers. "Oh, Mells.." he whispered, rubbing my back. The way he did it reminded me of my sister, and I nuzzled closer to him, crying muffled by the cloth on his striped shirt. "You're okay… go on and cry… let it all out, I'm not judging you," he whispered, sweet reassurances echoing in my mind as he said them, repeating hem softly. I broke down as he whispered this, letting my crying go to it's full extent, tears streaming down my face. I felt Matt's hands piece through my hair, his whisperings not subsiding. "I've got you, Mells…. I've got you… I won't leave you…"_

_I let myself believe him. I did believe him. Everything he'd done at Wammys, every threat and rant I'd thrown his way, he'd taken it and put it to heart, never once leaving my side. I doubted even if I hit him or abused him he would leave me. I doubt it. He was that loyal. I suddenly felt that I didn't deserve him. Did he know I was such a jerk? Surely he did. Did he know I was gay? I doubted it._

_I mean, I barely even knew I was gay. How should he?_

_Finally my sobs started to stop, but the pain in my chest was still there, not stopping its silent stampede on my heart. I felt like such a chick-flick character, nuzzling into his chest and clinging to him like he was my life source or something. As if I were the clingy one and not the other way around._

_There was a long silence, him still piecing through my hair silently, me simply breathing him in, listening to his heartbeat. Well, it was official - doesn't get more gay than this. Of course, it was only me being gay. Matt was just following what he knew I wanted, which was comfort. He wasn't the one snuggling, that was me._

_Suddenly, Matt broke the silence, his voice shaking a little. "Hey, Mello…?"_

_I shifted a little to look up at him. He was looking at me seriously, his green eyes searching mine. I don't try to force emotion onto my face, I simply let myself stay blank to keep from crying again. "Yeah?"_

_Matt stared at me for a few seconds, then laid his head back down again. I followed suit, letting my head nuzzle back into his shirt on instinct. He sighed and whispered, "You know I'd do anything for you, right?"_

_I sigh and wriggle away from him. "You, sir, are a cheese head," I tell him, smiling teasingly. He smiles half-heartedly, and it occurs to me he was being serious so I sigh, nodding and getting situated in the covers again, carefully distancing myself from Matt, awkwardness in my gut threatening to take over. "Yeah, I know, Matt. I know."_


	9. Mirrors

_**A/N: Okay there are like 10000 MxM fan fictions by the name of "memories"… I need a new title and could use suggestions, ty! 8D**_

**Matt**

The hallway was dark as usual as I hurried down it, adjusting my goggles over my eyes. I had snuck out of the room as soon as I was sure Mello was asleep. There was no way I was going to fall back to sleep a second time after the whole crying incident, so decided to walk. I wasn't really in the mood for video games, strangely. Maybe I would pick up some chocolate for Mello from the kitchen on my way back?

I found myself in the library. I had never been in here, but Mello liked it in here. On the few evenings that I was left alone in the room, I always knew that this was where he was. He loved to read, I knew, but no where as much as he liked to eat chocolate. I could see why he liked the library though - it was nice and quiet. Perfect place to think.

That's what I was pretty much out past curfew to do, so I sat down on one of the beanbag chairs and leaned back, letting out an exhausted sigh. I still couldn't believe how hard Mello had been crying before. It was really weird - he was usually so strong… but I knew better than anyone that the cold exterior he carried around when he went out was hiding a more emotional side that Mello tended to hide most of the time.

I found myself picturing Mello again, his big blue eyes full of tears. I remembered him nuzzling against me, crying into my shirt. It made me wish. So badly as I laid there I wanted to take him up in my arms and hold him more securely, to kiss the tears from his cheeks, make all the pain go away, kiss away his pain, hold him as close as I wanted. For him to let me take care of him for once.

But I knew that wouldn't happen, somehow. Too much to hope for, to much to ask. I was hoping for something that wasn't going to happen - for Mello to love me back. It was a torturous feeling - I knew that love was usually a facade at this age, but with me it wasn't. Mello was everything that kept me alive. He was the one that took me in when I was alone, the one who I wanted to follow, the one who I'd do anything for, the one I'd truly die for. If that wasn't love then I was attracted to Heather.

And I was _not _attracted to Heather. Flaming homosexuals tend to be attracted to guys, you know? And as much as that would be extremely romantic I wasn't just gay for Mello, either, though he's the only one in the world I'd want to ever, you know, loose my virginity to. Not that I wanted to loose my virginity at this age to anyone, lord I was only 13. But I was attracted to other guys - note: Johnny depp = sexiness - but it was Mello I loved.

I found myself smiling for some reason, remembering when I first arrived at Wammys. This really was turning out to be an overdramatic spy movie. A really, really gay spy movie, but a spy movie none the less. Or rather, a detective movie. Like Sherlock Holmes or something. Mello could be Sherlock and I would be Watson and we would be the ultimate pair. Or he could be Batman and I could be Robin. Or I could be Link and he could be Zelda. I laughed at the thought of Mello in a Zelda dress. He'd probably kill me for thinking that, though.

I sighed, laying my head back on the plush chair, letting out a long sigh before pulling the little leather out from where I had sat it behind me. I had discreetly picked it up from it's place hidden under the bed before, and I was somehow pleased that I had time to write in it.

Call me girly or whatever, but it was my diary. I would be all macho and call it a journal (macho? Uh, not realy but better than diary) but it SAID diary on the front so…

I had bought it because it reminded me of Mello about a year ago, because of the leather, and had started writing in it every once and a while, usually about once a week. It had started out with me just rambling about random activities that happened throughout the day, but before I could stop it, the notebook became full of nothing but ramblings of Mello. My blonde angel filled almost all the pages, ramblings about how I was realizing how I felt about him, about the midnight chocolate-runs, about sneaking out at midnight to have adventures, about going out on the town, about our first anniversary. Maybe that would cure my anxious heart, I thought, and started frantically scribbling down what happened that day, knowing how cheesy I sounded but not caring. I had to get it out, I had to-

"Um…. Matt?"

I froze, instantly shoving the notebook underneath the beanbag chair, at first thinking the voice was Mello's, but it wasn't. The person that was in the doorway was a girl. What was her name? Laura? Lizzy?

The girl smiled, brushing her brunette hair behind her ear. "Um, are you alone?" she asked, twiddling her fingers. She looked nervous, and she was blushing. I had a bad feeling, but I nodded anyway - she didn't look like a bully or anything.

I knew she looked familiar though. Libby? Lori? Something with an L…

The girl hurried forward, smiling now, looking relieved as she planted herself beside me in the next chair, startling me a little bit. I hadn't expected her to actually try and talk to me, I had assumed she was just avoiding Mello. What WAS her name?

"Um, Matt, right?" she asked, though her eyes told me she already definitely knew my name. I nodded, still trying to place her name. Libby? Was it Libby? Liddy maybe? Something like that. She obviously saw some confusion on my face and s he pointed to herself, smiling. "Linda. Remember? Linda? I sit beside you in first period."

Ah, yes. Linda. I remembered Mello's rants about her, and suddenly felt like I shouldn't be talking to her, but I didn't remember why. Something important… but I shrugged it off - the girl didn't seem to be doing anything bad, unless you count being out past curfew.

"Right, Linda. Sorry, I'm bad with names," I lied. Actually I was fine with names, I just hadn't ever bothered to learn anyone's except Mello's and other people's I couldn't help but learn, like Near, Heather, Chad, and Roger. But I didn't have to tell her that, pointless cruelty was never my style. Linda beamed at me, seeming pleased with my answer somehow.

She brushed her hair behind her ear again and scooted closer to me, knocking her knees against mine. I scooted away, crossing my legs on instinct, but she didn't seem to notice, her eyes still big and sparkly, still grinning.

"So anyway, you know, the Fall Ball is coming up," she informed me. I only stared at her. I knew what the Fall Ball _was, _one of those dumb festive things that Wammy's always has, but Mello and I never go, always choosing to have our own 'awesometastic' parties in the room, watching endless Johnny Depp movies. Trying to not be distracted by the image of Johnny Depp I tried to focus on what the girl was saying. "And well, I don't have a date yet," she continued, slowly. I stared at her, not really understanding. Did I have some secret friendship with this girl that I needed to know this information? Then suddenly Linda's hand was on my knee, and I had a sudden flash to the bar, but I shoved it away, but my face still warmed.

"O-oh. Really." I said, trying to sound interested, but really I was just tense, unable to move with that stupid hand on my knee. She smiled at me a kind of giddy giggle escaping her lips.

"You're always so shy, Matt," Linda purred, scooting closer to me. I felt frozen, unable to reject the smile on her face. Because I wasn't here, suddenly, I was in my own mind, imagining myself in her position, trying to flirt with Mello. Knowing I would fail, but trying anyway. Linda didn't know how I felt about Mello, but I felt pity for her, a little bit. She meant no harm. But I had to reject her, just like Mello would only reject me.

"So… will you go with me?" Linda whispered, moving her hand forward to sit on the midsection of my leg, and I saw the hope in her big brown eyes, and I knew I had to crush it. "Please?"

I gently took her hand and moved it away from my leg, apologetically giving her a half smile, forcing myself to be gentle. "Linda… I'm sorry, but I can't."

Linda's face fell, and I could tell she wanted to protest, but I put my hand on her shoulder, squeezing gently. Her face went from crestfallen to confused, and I shook my head. "I can't lead you on, Linda. You're a nice girl, but I don't like you that way," I told her gently. She had a tear in her eye, and I almost brushed it away. I didn't want to crush this girl, but I didn't want her to keep trying, either.

Slowly, the girl moved away, understanding in her eyes. "O-oh. Um. Okay," she said, twiddling her thumbs. She looked awkward, out of place. Would that be me? No, I told myself, I would be let off much harsher, probably beaten up, probably still beg him to forgive me, to be friends with me, to love me, because I loved him. Whatever she felt for me was only a children's crush. Linda paused for a long time, then looked up at me with curious eyes. "C-can you tell me why? I mean, not why you don't like me, but… who DO you like, Matt? You must like someone, you rejected me so easily…"

I stared at her. Did she expect me to just come out and tell her who I liked? 'Oh, yes, Linda who I don't even know, I'm actually totally gay and fell in love with Mello.' Uh, how about no? I could only stare at her, and I felt my feet shuffling nervously on their own. Linda stared at me, then suddenly burst out, "Well, because Joanna says you like May, but May says you like…." her eyes darted around, as if searching for someone, and as fear flashed in her eyes I knew the name she was going to say before she said it. "Mello. B-but don't take that the wrong way, it was only a rumor," she immediately apologized, blushing and waving her hands. "I just really wanted to know, I was curious, since you don't like me, I mean, it's a waste if you don't go with anyone at all like you always do, especially now that we're teens and everything…."I know she was till talking, but I tuned her out automatically, thinking again to Mello. God, was it really so obvious that I liked him? Did Mello know I liked him? Who all believed the rumor? Who was this May person? I vaguely remembered her, but I brushed that aside, Mello taking up my entire thoughts. I did love him, and for a moment I almost considered just telling her. With her big blab it would spread fast enough anyway. Maybe it would make it easier for me to come out and say it if..

No. I had to tell him myself. He had to hear it from me.

I closed my eyes for a second, then looked back to Linda, who was staring at me now with an expectant look in her eyes, as if she truly expected me to answer. But I couldn't, so I sighed and patted her on the head, just on instinct, and stood up. "That's enough, Linda."

Linda bit her lip and stood up, suddenly throwing her arms around me. I wasn't sure what to do, suddenly wrapped up in an embrace. It wasn't a romantic embrace, but she was shaking as she did it. "Thank you for being so nice to me," she whispered, smiling into my chest. I smiled and gently pushed her away. She was still smiling, then her face fell, seeming to see something behind me, her face going pale with shock and fear.

I dropped her shoulders and spun to see my blonde angel standing in the doorway, the rage of hell emitting from his icy blue gaze.

_A/N: Alright, there's the chapter. Sorry if this is being updated too fast (usually I'm a lazy ass and have the opposite problem) or if the storys developing too fast, but no worries it's far from over 8D plz review, nothing too long if ur busy or whatever, just let me know ur enjoying it! 8D_


	10. Stumbling

_A/N: Simon Baker is the guy who plays The Mentalist. If you don't know who that is then just imagine a sexy guy :3 don't question the power of Mello to judge sexiness D_

**Mello**

When I woke up, my redhead was gone.

It was a rare circumstance that Matt ever got up before I did - I was an early riser and Matt tended to oh-so easily sleep till noon. Suddenly I realized, though, as I rubbed my tiered eyes and looked the clock on the desk, that I shouldn't be awake either. It was only one AM.

Irritated for waking up so early I shut my eyes again, willing myself back to sleep. But the lack of warmth was horrid, having slept beside the redhead the previous night, much closer than usual. God, I was so stupid, becoming attached to him like this. Matt was straight. I might have been the biggest homo that walked the earth - weird to think that, since I was confident I was straight a few days ago… - but Matt… no. But doubt was still evident in my mind. Was Matt straight? And even if he wasn't, was he attracted to me? I remembered the way he had reacted when I strutted around the room, twitching and blushing. Had he been aroused, or creeped out? And if he had been so aroused then, why had he let himself be flirted with by that Mallory girl at the club, and why had he reacted so strangely when I tried to tickle him? I mean, he had tickled me first after all.

I sighed with irritation, shutting my eyes. Overnight I had pretty much confirmed that I was gay. God, weird what coming out to yourself can do to your dreams. Even weirder that I was the one against the bed, being abused and kissed and licked and thrusted into, my legs wrapped around his shoulders, sweating and moaning, gasping in pleasure, fingers intertwined in that red hair and--

Oh, shit. I was thinking too far again. I shut my eyes, irritated with myself. Why did it have to be Matt, even in my dreams? Even when it could be anyone from Simon Baker to Johnny Depp, and it had to be Matt. Not that even Simon Baker nor Johnny Depp (Bow down to them. Now.) were the ones I really wanted overpowering me like that. No, Matt was the only one I wanted to wake up with in the morning.

Of course, I wouldn't ever tell him that.

Then again, what if I did? Just tell him, I mean. I doubted his reaction would be bad. He was so twisted around my finger that I didn't even have to try to keep him t here, he'd only curl himself tighter if I tried to move away. Which I wouldn't do. And so if I came out to him… I couldn't imagine him turning a cold shoulder to me or leaving me. It just wasn't plausible - though if he was straight after all he'd probably not want to sleep in the same bed anymore and it would be kind of awkward.

_What if he loves you back?_

Whoa. Weird thought there, Mells. It was an extremely appealing thought, but… no, wrong. First of all, I did not LOVE Matt. It was just…. I liked him. It wasn't that cheesy true love thing, I mean, that was ridiculous.

But I did like him.

….a lot.

Not that it mattered, I knew, sighing and flopping my head back on the bed, not really willing to get up until I had sorted everything out in my own head. I mean, I guess it was important that I knew what I wanted to say. Maybe nothing. Maybe I could just let it go. I would get over him, probably. Maybe.

Maybe not.

Maybe he would like me back.

Maybe he'd accept me.

….but I couldn't expect that, I knew, and scooted across the bed, burying my face in Matt's pillow. Matt. It smelt just like him. Like that 'for men' shampoo he used, but mostly just like matt. Simply and surely Matt. I couldn't explain why, but I loved just burying myself in that pillow, breathing in his scent. Wishing he was there beside me again, to wrap his arms around me and comfort me, to tell me he's there, to tell me he won't leave me… we would be there forever, together, friends or lovers it didn't matter, I just needed him, my partner in crime…

'_Being gay is a sin, Mihael. You must understand - marriage is between a man and a woman.'_

I sigh and brush my hand through my hair. My mothers voice, in my thoughts again, plaguing my new found overnight acceptance. But I had to let it go. Remembering Krista and Lauren. Maybe we could be like them. Maybe, despite everything, we could be happy.

Even if I'm a flaming homosexual. Even if I'm a bitch. Even if I'm the fucking devil. He has to be there. Always.

I close my eyes and try and focus on something else. Anything else. I can't, though, almost like he was the one who owned me, and not the other way around. Maybe that's part of it, though, I wonder. I wonder if, in the way that I own him, if he owns me, too, in some small way. He's that tug at my heart, that voice that tells me no, that's not okay, or yes, do that. That tells me I'll never be alone.

"_It doesn't matter to me if all of it's true, I still want to be friends with you, okay? I'm not going to abandon you, so you can't leave me either, okay?"_

I flinch at the memory. That's right - when Chad punched him, that's what he said. Always told me that. He'd always say… he'd always…

"_Hey, Mells!" The voice startled me from the studying I was doing, that I was frantically working on because I had snuck out the previous night and not been studying to beat Near, like I usually did. Matt was coming in the door, a big smile on his face. But I saw the guilt in his eyes as he shut the door, and I saw the scarf he was wearing. Why was he wearing a scarf? He hated those things, always complained how they itched and refused to wear them when we played in the snow during the winter. It was summertime then, and there was no way he was wearing it just for looks._

_I didn't return the hello, I simply stood up and jerked the scarf from his neck. Matt gasped, and I think I accidentally choked him a little, but he didn't complain as the scarf fell from his neck onto the bedroom floor._

_There was a gash there, red and stained with dried blood. I stared at it for a long time, Matt just looking at me with a look of extreme guilt and shame. I only stared at it. I almost couldn't compute as to what I was seeing. It wasn't a serious wound, now that I had inspected it, just barely a cut, but it looked like it was painful. I felt my stomach tighten with anger and sadness._

"_What the hell happened to you, Matt?" I hissed, glowering at him. Matt's face fell, as if he thought he was in trouble. Had he done something wrong? My hand moved to the mark on his neck. Fingernails. It had to be fingernails, overly manicured ones, too, because the scratch was hard and precise, not an accident, it couldn't have been. A female did this, I was the only guy that had fingernails capable of doing that in this orphanage. "Who did this, Matt?" I demanded, "Did you go near Heather again?"Matt's face fell and he looked at his feet. "No. It was some other girl… Kelly I think."_

_Kelly? Yeah, I knew Kelly, she was a fierce little bugger, but I didn't mind her that much, despite the fact that she was a whore and occasionally hung out with Heather and Linda, I didn't really know much about her. I was pretty sure she flirted with me a few times, but I rejected her and I'm pretty sure I ended up slapping her. I could barely remember. I didn't expect violence from that girl, though, especially not against Matt._

"_What happened, Matt?" I demanded, again prodding his shoulder and staring at him intensely, demanding answers. As always this had gotten to him, and he seemed to admit defeat completely, shoulders slumping, and he grabbed my arm, staring at me with such intensity I almost fell over._

"_They were… talking about you," he whispered, "It just… got to me, okay?"I stared at him. What? I couldn't understand what he was getting at - had he been defending me? But against what? I didn't understand the look in his eyes. "What… you idiot, did you start a fight for me?"Matt dropped my arm and sat down. "Of course I did. I punched her." _

_I glowered at him, confused. He rarely ever expressed anything violent, except in self defense. "Why the hell would you do that? You know for a fact the kinds of things they say about me."_

_He didn't reply. He just stared at the wall, and for a few seconds I almost believed the wall would crumble under his gaze. "This time was different, Mells," he whispered. "It got to me."I sat down beside him, not understanding why he was protecting me at the time. He was shuffling his feet again, a sign he wanted to do something but he was too embarrassed to. And then I remember what he said, clear as day as he peeked at me, his eyes fiery and determined. "I had to say something, Mells. You're my most important person - I couldn't let rumors like that spread. Understand?"_

I smiled at the memory, though at the time of the memory I remembered being kind of angry. At Kelly and at Matt. I never did find out what the rumor was about. Though I'm sure it had something to do with me being a whore (which is a lie, I'm still a virgin). I sigh and close my eyes.

Matt.

"You're my most important person," I repeat Matt's words, fingering my rosary around my neck absently. Why did I still wear this? I didn't know. But I did know why I kept Matt around, and I suddenly had the urge to go and find him.

I would find him.

My most important person.

And so I did.

I got up, flung some clothes on - some black jeans and a white shirt, I think, which is weird because I almost never wear white but you know I figured I'd change it up for once. I was in the mood. So I hurried into my outfit, struggling to shove the boots on before hurrying out, trying hard to keep a smile off my face. I couldn't start grinning like an idiot, that was Matt's job, I thought with a tiny smile.

Where WAS Matt, anyway? I realized I didn't know, but I just kept walking in the direction of the classrooms. Maybe he was just walking. He did that, occasionally, when he was restless. Why was he restless? I mean, he did watch me cry myself to sleep, but usually that would make him STAY, not leave.

I stopped in the hallway, frowning. If I were a Matty, where would I go?"He's in the library."I froze, the voice surprising me, and I whirled around, hands automatically going to an offensive position at my sides. But it was only Near, sitting on the ground, twirling his hair with his finger and staring at me. I didn't like the way he stared, and it occurred to me that he had kind of read my thoughts. How did he know where I was going?"Uh…what?" I say half-heartedly, half way wanting to make a hurried beeline towards the library, since the little twit annoyingly seemed to know everything. But I couldn't just admit that he automatically knew I was looking for Matt. But then again, who else would I be looking for? He was my only friend.

Near continued staring at me, as if he knew I would make the conclusion myself, and I scowled at him before heading in the direction of the library. Little twit. Little fucking freak? How did he even get places? I'd seen him walk, like, what, twice? And we both arrived at Wammys on almost the same day, me a day after him - arugh, he beat me again, I know - and I had pretty much known him the entire time he'd been there, since we were on similar rankings, therefore had most of our classes together.

When I was pondering this - augh, stupid Near - I found that I was already near the Library. It was almost completely silent, and I slowed my pace, not wanting to make it look like I had hurried to see him. Matt, I mean.

I fought a smile tugging on my lips as I headed for the library, determined to see him. My most important person. He was mine and I was…

What the hell was Linda doing here?Matt was standing there, Linda draped around him like some kind of creepy boa constrictor, hugging him like he was her life source or something. Matt looked confused and awkward, but he was smiling that gentle smile, that smile I'd only ever seen him use with ME, and after a few moments of Linda whispering into his ear Mat pulled her away, gently, as if she was some sort of glass doll and he was afraid to break her. Her face was putting on a show of looking innocent, and she smiled at him.

And then I think she saw me. I think she saw me staring, saw me balling my fists up beside me, struggling to stop myself from running in and slamming that girls face in with them, trying to stop from being upset. I was upset though. Right when I realize I like the guy, that I'm his most important person and he's mine, I find out it's apparently one sided. That's just fucking perfect.

And I think she saw the fury that had built up around me before I could stop it. I wanted to run in there and choke that girl, kill her for trying to steal my Matt, for not understanding, for not somehow knowing how much I loved him. For not understanding that she could not have my Matt, could not be flirting with MY Matt. And I almost did, almost gave in to the fury, until I saw Matt.

He looked horrified.

Staring at me with big green eyes, his face turning pink with embarrassment, staring at me like I was the last thing he wanted to see at this moment, like I had appeared and ruined his perfect dream. As if I had… broken something important.

I felt the fury drain from me. I felt it all just go away, felt it be replaced with jealous rage, with the urge to start crying, but I didn't. I fled.

Something inside me just snapped and I ran. Ran from the false pretense in my mind, ran from what I thought was but apparently wasn't, ran from the urge to break Linda I half. Because of that look on Matt's face… I couldn't take that away from him. If he wanted that whore, then he could have her - I couldn't take that chance away from him. I just wanted him to be happy. Needed him to be happy.

So I ran. I sprinted, almost, down the hall, knowing there were probably tears in my eyes, knowing my face was burning from embarrassment, thanking every god I could think of that nobody was in the stair well when I plowed up it and collapsed in between the first and second floor.

I hated the feeling of being weak. Of fighting tears, of choking on emotions that I couldn't hold back. I felt like I had fallen into a hole full of constricting, conflicting emotions, and no matter how hard I scrambled I couldn't scrape my way back out.

"S-stupid idiot…" I murmur angrily, wiping my eyes. I wanted to go back to my room, but I knew that Matt would find me there. I didn't want him to find me like this - I knew if he saw me so uncomposed he would know I was upset, and probably not even consider Linda or the dance, because he never put himself first. I knew that must be what they were talking about - that's all I ever heard Linda and May chattering about in first period, which I shared with them.

The emotions felt so painful in my chest. Damn Matt, damn him for making me feel like this, for making me feel. I shouldn't feel like this.

I needed to let it out.

I needed to feel something.

So I got up, and shoved the emotions away. The thoughts, the emotion, and most of all, I shoved Matt from my mind, forcibly. Forced it all out of my system and composed myself, making myself stony as I stormed up the last set of stairs, l ooking for anyone but Matt.

I found Near.

Near, just standing there, outside our door, staring straight at me with that knowing look in his eyes. He knew. He must have seen Matt there in the library - why didn't he tell me Linda was there? Why didn't the little shit stop me? Why didn't he ever give a shit about anything!?

Without really thinking about it I stalked forward, hands clenching at my sides. I saw a tiny flicker of something go through Near's eyes, but I ignored it, sending a shove in his direction before he had the chance to say anything. He had no reaction, no gasp, no surprise, he simply fell, right on his butt. He never reacted to anything. He never cared. Why couldn't I be him? Why couldn't I just not care what Matt, or anyone, thought of me?

I found myself kicking Near in the side, sending him into a tiny "ow" when I did, and I grabbed him by that idiotic white albino hair, pulling him to his feet again. The little sheep mewled a little, obviously uncomfortable, his composure cracking only barely with the flicker of fear in his eyes. I felt a demonic smirk cross my face. Satisfaction.

Then the little fuck spoke. "Did Matt tell you?" he inquired, not even seeming to give a shit about what I thought of it, just like it was his business, like a curious person watching a movie from a distance. Did this boy have a DEATH WISH?

"Tell me what, you little fuck? Why do you even fucking care, you don't feel anything anyway," I growled, furious that he had seen through me so easily, pulling him by his hair and whipping him to the floor again. He let out a little sigh that might have been as close as he got to a yelp and fell to the ground, his weak legs doing nothing to support him.

"So Matt didn't tell you," he whispered, almost inaudibly, but I ignored his ramblings. Of course he didn't tell me about Linda, I didn't even know he fucking knew her name. I slammed my foot into him again, this time his back, but the kick was less powerful than the last. My hatred was slowly dripping away.

"Mello," his voice was quiet, just barely audible as I pulled him back up again by his shirt collar, furiously glowering at him, bringing him to my eye level, his legs only barely grazing the ground, short little ass he was. "Stop that, it hurts.""No fuck, idiot," I growled, jerking on his collar again. Relishing in the slight spasm of pain in his face when I did. Good. So he did have some emotion, at least, he did react to pain.

Right when I was going to throw him to the ground, Near's big gray eyes narrowed and he looked me, right straight in the eyes. It kind of scared me, honestly, and it was hard to scare me. It was full of such knowing, like he could see right into my mind, like he knew every single thing about me just by that glance. And he whispered, "Would this make Matt happy, seeing you beating me up for no reason?"

I stared at him. Matt? Why would he bring Matt up again? What would he care?But somehow I kind of knew matt WOULD care. That he would look at me with those green eyes, horrified that I had attacked Near for no particular reason (besides that he was pissing me off in general) and would probably be ashamed of me. Suddenly I was kind of ashamed of myself, the dark satisfaction I had gotten from beating Near suddenly gone, remembering Matt's pathetic face when Chad punched him and realized - why was I hurting Near anyway?Slowly my grip released on Near, lowering him to the ground and dropping him. I guess something's wrong with those knees of his, because they automatically buckled beneath him and he sat down, right on the ground. I didn't care. I just felt.. Awful.

"…you aren't bleeding, are you?" I whispered, remembering the blood that had filled Matt's mouth when he lost his tooth with a wave of sickness. Near startled a little, and I could tell my concern surprised him. But he shook his head no, and that's all I needed to know. I turned and walked away, entire body shaking as I returned to my room.

'_So Matt didn't tell you.' _Near's voice echoed in my head, ridiculous how it did. Tell me what? Had he been hiding even more from me that I didn't know? Was it even any of my business..?I flopped on the bed and did nothing. Just lied there, staring straight at the ceiling, not even thinking. I just stared, unable to make my brain focus on anything but the blank whiteness of the wall.

**Matt**

I couldn't understand. Watching Mello's face go from fury to exhausted and horribly upset as he looked at me made my heart lurch. Why? Why was he so upset?

Clearly he misinterpreted the situation. I knew for a fact he disliked Linda - was he mad that she was flirting with me? Did she think that I was actually going to take her to the dance? (I wasn't.)

I was about to say something, but I found that I was frozen in place a moment too long because Mello had already spun around, face burning with an unexpected blush as he ran the other direction. All I could think was that I had hurt him. Somehow, in some unexplainable way, I had hurt his feelings.

Linda shifted in front of me, her face burning with embarrassment and her eyes swimming with confusion and fear, trying to figure something o ut. I looked at her, unable to move from my position, not knowing what to do. What should I do? Chase after him? To what end? What would I even say when I caught him?

The girl stared at her feet, biting her lip, seeming to be deep in some sort of thought before looking up at me with a frown, eyes narrowed in suspicion. "W-what?" I stammered, confused by her gaze.

Suddenly she smiled, crossing her arms in stubbornness. "Well, what are you standing here talking to me for? Mello's the one you like, right?"I felt my face set on fire, burning. Dammit. She'd figured it out. I mean, I guess I could have made it less obvious, but it still kind of surprised me. I guess girls just had intuition like that. Seeing my face Linda smirked, rolling her eyes. "I should have known you were gay, but you can't blame a girl for hoping," she continued, patting my shoulder. "So are you going after him or what?"I stared at her longer, unable to move. Go after him? But wait. "Y-you're not going to tell anyone, right?" I silently cured myself for stammering, and Linda smirked at me again, eyes twinkling with mischief.

"No promises," she said - at least she was honest - flipping her hair behind her shoulders, "But it's not like anyone would believe me if I told them, except maybe May. But it doesn't matter, just go."I bit my lip. Nervous. Too nervous. But she was absolutely right and I nodded, reluctant feelings vanishing as I dashed towards the boys dorms.

_A/N: Okay, you must love Linda now XD even though she's annoying and keeps getting in the way T_T' Poor Near… sorry I keep picking on him so much, I'm mean to him D8 I'm not a near hater, honest, I just couldn't think of anyone else for Mells to pick on XD'_

_Anyway, hope u keep enjoyin it 8D_


	11. Off White

**Matt**

I would like to tell you that I raced into that bedroom and slammed the door open. I'd like to tell you that when I saw Mello curled on the bed, staring at the ceiling, I snapped and hugged him. I'd like to tell you that he fell into my arms and cried, and that I confessed right then and there. To tell you that he told me he loved me back, and that we'd never leave each other. I'd like to tell you we found happily ever after on that bed, that we confessed our love for each other and that I took him up in my arms, stroked that golden hair, that we kissed and hugged and found our happy ending, never to part.

I could tell you that.

But it would be a lie.

I walked in our bedroom, the door swinging open with its usual creaking sound as I slowly came in, nervousness still boiling inside me. But Mello was just laying in bed, staring at the ceiling. Not crying or being angry or looking upset in the slightest. He just stared at the wall. And I stared at him.

Just sort of stood there.

I knew what I wanted to do. I wanted to drop to my knees and start spewing apologies like there was no tomorrow, to hug him and bed him to understand that he misunderstood everything, but I couldn't. I just stood there, unable to move from the shock of just.. Seeing him.

He was just staring at the wall, looking slacked and unmoving. I almost would have believed he'd dropped dead, but he was breathing. Was he asleep with his eyes open?Then Mello seemed to suddenly notice me, looking over at me. He looked surprised - which was weird because he usually always noticed when I came in - and smiled at me. Just smiled a slacked, crooked little smile. "Hey."

Just like that. That one "hey" and suddenly we weren't fighting anymore. I admit I was shocked. But I was also relieved. I knew I should just tell him. But that smile just told me he didn't want to talk about it. Didn't want to talk about Linda, or my homosexuality, or my feelings, or anything serious. He just smiled and looked back at the ceiling.

"Hi." I replied shakily, sitting on the bed beside him. Still half way wanting to as something, I opened my mouth to speak, "Um-""It's not white, you know," he suddenly interrupted. I flinched, realizing he was talking about the ceiling. On instinct I lied down beside him, looking at the ceiling that I knew somehow that he had been staring at for a while.

"Looks white to me," I told him, frowning.

Mello shook his head. "It's off-white. Kind of gray. Not completely white."

"…is anything really completely white?" I asked, frowning. I didn't want to question him, but something just seemed important about staring at that ceiling because Mello was making it important. And it kept the topic off of that Linda thing, which was a plus.

Mello paused for a long second, as if considering this, then he nodded. "Snow's pure white. Clouds are, usually."

I frown, considering this. We hadn't had snow in a while, so it was kind of hard to consider. "I guess angels clothes are suppose to be white, too," Mello continued, staring at the ceiling still. I wasn't looking at the ceiling anymore, I was looking at Mello in my peripheral vision. He didn't seem to notice, just staring at the ceiling with an intense stare, as if it held the meaning to the universe.

"Angels?" I asked. I knew Mello was religious, or at least he had to be a little bit, considering the rosary, but I hadn't really thought about it. The only reason I ever thought about angels was because of Mello - and my angel certainly didn't usually wear white, he usually wore black - though the outfit Mello was wearing now was a white t-shirt and black pants, which I suddenly wondered where he got. Wasn't that my shirt?

I didn't have time to ask about it because he was talking again. "Yeah. I mean, I guess they could really wear whatever they wanted.." he said, his voice trailing off. I noticed his fingers were absently playing with the hem of his shirt, still staring at the ceiling. I tried to avoid looking at him, but it was hard. His face was so concentrated, it was next to impossible not to stare.

Suddenly Mello was turned and looking at me, only tilting his head very, very slightly, his eyes moving to look at me, those big blue orbs staring into my green ones. I found that I couldn't look away as he whispered an extremely awkward question. "Do you believe in god, Matty?"I frown. Where had that come from? "I guess," I replied, shrugging. "I'm not the religious type."

Mello stared at me, as if considering this for a few moments, then looked back at the ceiling again. I wondered if Mello cared that I wasn't religious - because I wasn't, I didn't think about things like God or the afterlife very often. I tended to live for today, that was just simply how I was.

"So.." he continued suddenly, his face twisting into a frown. "Even if your not religious or whatever… do you think it's… a sin?"I frown. "Is what a sin, Mells?"

The other boy paused for a really long moment, and a sudden wave of uncomfortable feelings surged through me. His face was conflicting between looking sad and awkward. I frowned. "You can ask me anything," I tell him very quietly, then blink. I hadn't meant to say that out loud, but there it was, and I meant it. I guess it didn't really matter what Mello told me. The blonde flinched and looked at me with big, confused eyes.

Then the topic suddenly swerved, Mello turning fully onto his side to look at me. "Do you like Linda?"Whoa. Okay, I had a feeling that had very little to do with the previous question, so I redirected my brain from sins to the peppy little brunette. The answer was no, but the question for me was why he cared. I mean, he was my friend, but… I mean, he couldn't possibly be jealous or anything.

….unless he liked Linda.

I felt a queasy, uneasy feeling inside of me, at the expectant look in Mello's eyes. I had to tell him the truth, I didn't have the option to lie to him in my mind. "No." I say bluntly, staring at the ceiling. I almost added 'Do you?' but I didn't. I didn't want to look like I cared. I couldn't let myself care.

Mello stared at me for a long moment, a tiny flicker of relief in his eyes that I could tell he was trying to hide. I squirmed a little bit mentally, but I didn't let myself show any awkwardness.

Then Mello just nodded and flipped back onto his back, going back to staring at the ceiling. I thought he whispered something, but I didn't hear and I didn't ask. If he had wanted me to hear he'd have said it louder.

I started hoping that he would stop talking about Linda, or about any of this romantic stuff. I wished we could just go back to laughing and watching Johnny Depp movies and playing pranks on girls and making fun of Near and Chad and Heather and not care what anyone thought.

I wish I could go back o thinking I was straight.

_Back to lying to myself?_

"So…" Mello started talking again, and I tensed. He squirmed a little bit, and then he looked at me again. "it's not just because I hate her, right? I mean, I don't want to…. Keep you from dating girls because I'm scary and whatever."

I frown, stopping myself from breaking into a fit of laughter for several reasons. One, I had not been expecting that at all - obviously mello didn't like Linda, thank god - and two I most definitely did NOT want to date Linda. But mello WAS keeping me from dating, but not even close to the reason he thought.

I can't keep back a tiny chuckle as I roll my eyes at him. "Of course not, Mells," I say, patting his head, "Why would I want to go to that stupid dance with Linda? The girls crazy." I almost felt bad for saying that - she had been alright for a couple moments there - but I had to reassure Mello. It seemed to work, because Mello smiled a tiny bit, relief on his face.

"Well, good," Mello replied, reaching around my shoulders without getting up and ruffling my hair. I smiled, warm and happy, knowing we were done fighting. I was his again.

Yeah, I know. He's got me around his finger. Shut up.

"But you can't let me stop you from dating hot chicks if you, you know, want to," Mello told me, pointing at me with the hand that wasn't resting on my head. He had a teasing look on his face, and I stuck out my tongue at him, stopping myself from automatically replying 'what about hot guys?'

God I was so gay.

Mello smiled happily and yawned, moving his hand away from my head and sitting upright. "Good. Now, who's up for some Secret Window?"I grinned, sitting up too. I didn't have to reply - he knew I always was.

**Mello**

One awkward conversation later, I found myself sitting on the edge of the bed, at a very precise and careful distance from Matt, watching Johnny Depp go from super hot, concerned author to insane-but-sexy cowboy killer, Shooter. God, I loved Johnny Depp, he could play any part ever.

The problem was I was having trouble focusing on the movie. Matt kept shooting me glances and smiling at me all adorably, making me feel sick to my stomach. I knew he was simply overjoyed that we weren't having a bad moment anymore, but had he really forgotten what I almost said? Or had he conveniently allowed himself to let it slip by?I sighed, still feeling awkward as I watched blondie ex-wife run away. Don't bother running, he'll only catch you. Idiot. I grimace, the urge to scoot closer to Matt almost unbearable. Trying to distract myself I look at Johnny Depp, waiting for the part where he eats the corn.

That part was hot damn sexy.

I found myself wondering - since he was Shooter, then did that mean… he killed the dog? The thought made me uncomfortable - didn't he realize even through his craziness how much that dog must care about him? The thought was stupid, I knew, but it came into my head anyway. I shifted and focused on the movie, or tried to, still wanting to sit closer to Matty. Usually when we watched movies we'd sit right beside each other, but this time I'd placed myself a good distance away.

Matt glanced at me again, right as I was trying to get the uncomfortable look off my face, and seemed to automatically know what I was feeling because he scooted closer, wrapping his arm around my shoulder and pulling me close. I hadn't been expecting it and I flinched, feeling a blush try and fight it's way to my face, but I dipped my head low and hid it in the shadow of my bangs, accepting the position without argument. How could I not? Matt was giving me that friendly smile, and I smiled a little back before going back to watching the movie, immediately relieved.

We were still best friends.

Nothing had changed.

And for now, as long as he was still willing to hold me like this, even if we were nothing further than best friends, I would be okay just curled up in his arms, just as his best friend. As long as we could just stay like this for a little while sometimes… I would be okay.

We could be best friends.

I would survive, just like this, hiding what I wanted to say for as long as I was allowed to be beside him. Just like this, fitting just perfectly in this boys arms, without a worry in the world.

_A/N: aww, disappointed? I'm evil, aren't I? ;-) Hey, not every fight ends in a confession, now does it? ^_^ if it did, I would fight with hot guys more often! Anyways, I'll keep writing as much as I can, but don't expect these super fast updates to come all the time, because once school starts on Monday it's gonna get slowwww again with all the makeup work imma have. Ug._

_:D SO YEAH! REVIEW IF U DON'T CARE 8D … this chpaters too short orz but theres a time lapse after this, so…. XD'_


	12. Veiws From Above

_A/N: ANOTHER TIME LAPSE! It's Sunday (in real life) at the moment, so… not very many updates until I get all my homework/makeup work done D8 sorry peeps! Sadly this chapters kind of a filler, but there are hints for later so READ IT 8D_

**Matt**

"Get dressed faster, dammit!" Mello's voice yelled from outside the bathroom we shared. I scrambled to pull on the tight jeans. They fit perfectly once they were on, but I had stupidly put on the shoes first and so I was having trouble. At the moment we were going to go outside - ew, outdoors -which I didn't usually enjoy but if it was with Mello it would be fine. We were just going to sit under a particularly fun to climb tree and hang out for a while, so it wasn't like I was going to get exercise or anything.

Finally the pant leg came on over the shoe and I hurried out of the bathroom - Mello was still yelling at me to hurry up - mid putting my shirt on, accidentally bumping into him as I pulled the striped shirt on. Mello huffed an "about time" and hurried in himself, the bundle of clothes in his hands. I sighed, watching him hurry in with that irritated look on his face - he always took way longer than me in the bathroom, by the way, so this was totally unfair - but I didn't really mind when he acted this way - I was used to it and I was just glad that The Linda thing had been forgotten over the month since it, and it had been seemingly forgotten. Thankfully, Linda hadn't said anything, apparently getting to caught up with the Fall Ball drama (which was happening this weekend) to care about me anymore.

I was pretty damn thankful for that.

I turned on my game boy and leaned against the bedpost, leading Mario around on the tiny digital world. Mello was going to take a while in there, he always did, and I was almost on level 100 so I couldn't stop now.

Six levels and a Bowser battle later, Mello came out of the restroom. He was wearing what he always does - black. Tight black jeans, and a short sleeved black top. I fought a smile when I saw that he had the leather gloves I bought him on.

"Let's go," Mello said, sweeping his blonde hair over his shoulder and pointing to the door, eyeing the game boy with annoyance but he didn't say anything, since he knew I was listening to him even if I wasn't looking at him directly. I hopped up from where I was sitting, still playing the game as he led the way out the hall. This was how it was - he led and I followed, never really questioning where we were going and not really caring, either.

It was pretty early so most of the other kids weren't up yet, though I saw a few giggling girls over my shoulder as we were going down the stairs. It was nice - it was almost never this quiet at Wammys, since there was always something going on it seemed, and even nicer because I shared the quiet little walk with Mello. "You still want to go outside?" he asked, peeking over his shoulder as we walked to the bottom floor in the general direction of the exit. I looked up at him, blinking, then shrugged. "I don't really care," I said, like always, and paused the game, shoving it in my back pocket. Mello smiled and stretched, letting out a yawn and scanning the area of the main room. Usually there was hustle and bustle in this room, since it was where most kids went to hang out during free time, but now there were just a few people here and there, a group of girls giggling and chatting, one or two boys standing around, Near sitting in the corner fiddling with some puzzle. Still quiet.

"Well, it rained last night so it might be kind of wet," he informed me - I was a deep sleeper so I didn't notice the rain, I never did - nodding to the window. "But I still want to go."

I shrugged. "I don't care," I repeated, giving him a smile. He rolled his eyes, ruffling my hair - I still loved that, in case you were wondering - and turning to the door and heading out, not checking if I was following him. I was, though, I always did. I was a little surprised he even asked me if I wanted to go - usually he just headed out, forward march ahead.

The little outdoor area wasn't particularly private, and there were always a few people at the park benches and standing around. But right now there was just a few groups of children. I didn't recognize most of them - I saw a girl who's name I was pretty sure was Kelly, and Linda was sitting beside her. I'm pretty sure they were playing blackjack. I saw Chad, too, but I ignored him completely, not really giving two shits what he was doing. I didn't hate him for punching me - bullies are bullies, and they were always there - but I did hate him for spreading nasty rumors about Mello. That was, in my book, unforgivable.

Mello stopped at the tree, looking up at it meaningfully. Not many people ever climbed it but us, and if they did they didn't go very far up. Mello, however, was agile and a very flexible person, and climbed it like a cat, expert he could actually get down.

He glanced at me, smiling the tiniest bit. I caught his glare as he shot it at Chad from a distance - I guessed he was staring at us, but I disregarded it. "You go first," he said, nodding to the tree. I blinked - usually he went first - but didn't question it. I wasn't nearly as good at climbing as him, but I wasn't bad at it either, making my way gradually up the big oak tree and scraping my hands as I did, but it didn't matter. Though is isn't the best climber, I did love being up high and watching everything. Next to being high up In the tree was the pleasure of being high up in the tree WITH Mello. That was pretty great.

As I made my way to the secure fork branch I always used I looked down at Mello, who was lingering at the bottom and waving at me. I grinned and waved back, making sure to keep a good grip on the tree. I loved this tree, even though I wasn't an outdoors person I loved the smell, and wasn't against the environment in general or anything.

Mello grinned that mischief grin and hurried his way up the tree, obviously showing off as he danced up it breezily, having absolutely no trouble at all. I looked like a lumbering, uncoordinated fool compared to him. He was like a cat, a panther maybe with the black and all. I grinned at him - I could see that people were watching him from the corner of their eyes - it was pretty impressive. He made his way up at what must be record time and plopped beside me on the branch right beside mine, his smile almost making me fall over on the branch with joy. We were in public, too, which made me even happier - I was his friend, and that smile was directed at me and nobody else.

And then of course Chad had to ruin it.

I don't know what's wrong with that guy. He seems to think he's just all that or something, even though he obviously had waited until Mello was well up in the tree before approaching. He had a smug smile on his face, trying to look unimpressed and cool - he failed. He was not an attractive being, as I might have said before, and was on the bigger side. He wasn't fat, just not slender and feminine like Mello was, and his nose was large and his face scrunched together, black hair a short, choppy mess at his head. He might have been more attractive if he wasn't always making ugly faces at people.

"Hey, look, Matt and Mello are in a tree. How ironic," Chad snickered, and I saw Heather - who I hadn't spotted before, prancing up beside him like some kind of creepy little weasel. The joke was a stupid one - he was obviously referring to that stupid childhood k-I-s-s-I-n-g song (if only, right?) but obviously Mello didn't find it funny, and he stiffened beside me.

"What's next, marriage?" Heather snickered, nudging him. They were acting as if we couldn't hear them - we could- and it was making me pretty prissy, but not as pissed as Mello obviously was, his previously melting smile vanishing, replaced with a scowl. "Or the baby carriage?""Two dudes can't have children, idiot," Chad scoffed - as if heather didn't know that - and rolled his eyes. "Doesn't mean they haven't tried!" Heather laughed, and the two high five as if they were just so intelligent and clever. I stiffened now, too, hand closing around the edge of a thick branch beside me before I thought about it. The snickering was driving me over the edge - did they even understand what they were implying? - but not nearly as much as Mello's crestfallen, angry face did. It sent me right over the edge into crazy pissed- off vile.

"NASTYYYY!!" Chad laughed, his pudgy, ugly face breaking into a cruel smile. Mello squirmed beside me, obviously not comfortable with the conversation. As if, I thought. We were only 13 - going on 14 now - and anyway we weren't in that kind of relationship (dammit).

"What're ya doing up there, faggots?" Heather called, as if just realizing our presence, pointing to us with a smirk. The edge of the branch snapped in my hand, and I clutched it furiously in my hand. "Having fun?""We were…" Mello muttered under his breath, which only made me angrier since that meant he was having fun before, too. Heather obviously didn't hear though, because she grinned and waved, as if we didn't notice her.

And so I threw it. The stick, I mean.

**Mello**

I didn't know what to do. I was furious, anger boiling in me at the disgusting, mean jokes they were throwing at us. I wanted to scream at them that we weren't dating, that I wasn't no freakin flamer, and that I wasn't fucking Matt and I didn't even want to. Except that last part was a lie - I did want to. But that was beside the point.

I hated how they put it, too, as if the notion t hat we were in a relationship was so horrible. It sounded just like the children at my school. It sounded just like my mother.

"Two guys can't have children, stupid!" Chad was scoffing at her, rolling his eyes, as if Heather didn't already know. Refusing to wipe that stupid smirk off his face.

'_Being gay is a sin, Mihael. Why do you think two men or two women can't have children? It's not natural.'_

"That doesn't mean they don't try!"

The snickering didn't stop. I felt myself stiffening, only remembering my mothers voice. I could feel Matt beside me, and I could tell he was feeling anger too. I wondered if he realized why I was like this, why I couldn't stand it when they said things like this. I wished I could punch them, kick them, force them to shut up. But I was stuck up in this tree. I blanked out, no longer hearing what they were saying, no longer hearing the snickering.

"_Don't you love sister, mommy? Why does it matter if sister loves Lauren?"_

"_I do love Krista, sweetheart," the voice was gentle, making me believe, making me want to believe her. I was so young. I had almost no choice but to believe anything she told me. She was my mother. She was the reason I was alive. "Of course, I love you, and Krista too. Love the sinner, Hate the sin, Mihael, never forget that."_

"_But mother," I had whispered, looking up at her aging but still beautiful face that I had always adored, even through all of the yelling and screaming I endured. "How can we love her if we can't bring her to heaven with us? Will we have to abandon her in hell? Will you leave her behind, mother? Would you leave me behind, too?"_

_The thought was so morbid. I was only seven years old then. My mother only stared at me, gaping, horrified by the way I had interpreted what she had said, that she was the one who put such thoughts into my innocent seven year old mind. Not comprehending how well I understood the situation. Not understanding how smart I was, not understanding that I could feel the hatred my mother felt, not understanding that I knew how she really felt. She hated Krista. I knew it. She hated her, and she would hate me too, if I kept painting my nails and playing with dolls. If I became gay… she would hate me too. Everyone would hate me. God would hate me._

_I was afraid. So afraid of being disliked, abandoned…._

"What're ya' doing' up there, faggots?" Heathers voice was calling me back to reality, away from the harsh memory that had invaded my mind. She was pointing to us. Her smile was a gross one, and I realized how ugly I thought she was. And I felt myself wondering if she had homophobic parents too.

But she couldn't. She was an orphan just like me. She could change.

But she wouldn't.

"Having fun?" she called again, smiling a fake-kindness kind of smile. As if she genuinely cared about weather or not we were having fun.

"We were…" I muttered under my breath, scowling at her. I felt Matt suddenly, realizing how stiff with anger he was. His face was twisted with fury, and I wondered for a split second if he had sensed my sadness.

And then there was a plunk, and a stick landed square in the middle of Heather's face.

I gasped in surprise, a laugh escaping my mouth before I could stop it. Matt's hand was behind my back, as if afraid I was going to fall, and I might have, I was laughing so hard. When had Matt gotten that stick? Heather's face twisted with fury and shock, her mouth hanging open. I laughed crazily, wickedly at the horror on her face, hand holding onto his shoulder for support. I felt Matt loosen at my laughter and start to laugh too - I hated that I was using my giggle - laugh in front of Chad and Heather, but I was beyond caring at this point, and I couldn't help it with Matt there with me.

Besides, the look on their faces was hilarious.

"Get lost, losers!" I yell, still holding back laughter. Matt was laughing too, holding his hand over his mouth. He looked like he couldn't believe he'd actually thrown it, but I believed it - that angry, stubborn look on his face before was so angry. Even thinking of that made me laugh eve harder.

"Crazy freaks!" Heather screeched, rubbing her face, which now had a stick-shaped red mark in the middle of it. Chad was gaping at us, and had put on his macho face, glowering at us. It was a pretty pathetic glower too, as if he was ready to run at any second.

"Don't throw things at girls!" he accused, pointing at us, "Apologize this instant, you creep!"

Matt looked at me, still grinning and holding back more laughter. I grinned too and snapped off my own piece of stick, chucking it in his general direction. I struck lucky and it plunked on the top of his head, and he jumped in shock, taking off in the other direction. Heather gaped at him as he ran, shocked at his sudden streak of cowardice, hen streaked after him. They looked absolutely humiliated.

"HIGHFIVE FOR BEING AWESOME!" I announced, holding up my hand, mimicking the cheer that Matt had used when I punched Chad in the jaw. Matt laughed and slapped his hand against mine, laughing slowly reducing to a chuckle.

When I had calmed my funny bone I sighed and leaned back against the tree. Unlike Matt I loved the outdoors, though I rarely went out. I was happy that the redhead was happy to go outdoors with me, despite his obvious disliking of it. He seemed to like the tree, though, and leaned back too. I noticed absently that he still had his arm around me from where he was trying to make sure I wouldn't fall, but I didn't mind. No, I didn't mind one bit.

I'm not sure how long we just sat there, chuckling to ourselves and watching the clouds. Matt kept pointing out random things, like how some clouds looked like Mario mushrooms (whatever that meant), and I would point out other things like how Kelly kept staring at us and how May's dress was cute. When I mentioned the cuteness of May's dress Matt made a strange expression, and I wondered what he thought of May, or if he was wondering what I cared about dresses. But he seemed to agree, and pointed out that Chad and Heather kept glowering in our direction. I smiled at this. It made me happy to know that they knew we beat them in the shame game.

After I while I started getting uncomfortable though - leaning against a tree isn't the most comfortable thing ever. I looked up at him, weighing the risks, but I poked him and decided to just ask. "You mind if I lean on you? My backs starting to hurt."Matt gave me a long, considering look, seeming to weigh what my reason was for this. My reason was because my back hurt, obviously, though I guess I wouldn't have asked anyone but Matt for the favor. He smiled though and shrugged. "Go ahead," he said, though the smile made me think maybe he was pleased. He was always so happy to lend me favors and do things for me. I liked that, like feeling that I had someone I could count on.

Shifting my weight to the side, Matt's hand still around my waist - I kept wondering why he didn't move it, but maybe he was just too spaced out to notice - and leaned against the crook of Matt's shoulder, relaxing. It really was much more comfortable this way.

I'm not sure how long we just sat like that, staring at the people below us. May and Kelly kept staring at us, though Kelly looked concerned and May just looked l ike she might melt in her shoes. Freakin weird, in my opinion, and I wondered what they were thinking. Chad and Heather had stopped shooting us glares and were now laughing and flirting with each other. I wasn't surprised - I knew Chad was after her, and Heather was just an all around slutbag. They would have looked cute together if they weren't huge assholes. There were two girls I barely recognized, though I'm pretty sure one was named Yuumi, if I remembered correctly, who were sitting really close together that Heather kept making her we-face at. I wondered if they were lesbians or if Heather was making assumptions again. I wondered if maybe one of them had the unrequited love that I had.

Was it unrequited? I looked up at Matt from the corner of my eye, but he was staring at the sky. He looked so content, a smile tugging on his lips. I wished he would take off his goggles, but I knew they had to stay on with others around. I didn't know why he was so picky about that, but if it meant I was the only one allowed to see his eyes I was okay with that. He looked so happy, but it didn't mean he returned any of my love. Maybe he did love me, but not in the same way I loved him. If he had any affection for me, it wasn't anything more than best friend love, and that didn't exactly lead to what I wanted.

I sighed and nuzzled into him without t hinking about it, relaxing. He d didn't seem to notice, still continently looking up at the sky. I kept observing the people below, wondering if they saw us and what they thought. I knew most of the people at Wammys weren't homophobes and all, since we were all pretty much open minded around here. I mean, it was practically common knowledge that L was gay, so it was kind of obvious that we shouldn't be against that, though Heather and Chad continued benig like hat. I knew straight guys were naturally repellant to gay guys, but that didn't mean they were homophobes or anything. I didn't really see what it mattered to me what people did with their time.

But I watched them anyway. Watched a little couple, a girl and a boy, having a picnic a little while away. Watched two guys romping around like the dudes they were, nothing like how Matt and I hung out. Actually, almost all of the guys I saw round here were being noisy and rough. The soccer field that was a small distance from here had guys playing on it, being obnoxious and loud. Matt and I acted like that, sometimes, though usually it was just play fighting that usually led to tickling and then Johnny Depp movies. We were still guys, of course. But somehow our relationship was different. Special. We didn't even have to say anything, we could just sit here, together in a tree, watching the sky or watching the groud or occasionally watching each other. It didn't matter.

Just in silent agreement to be together and do absolutely nothing.

After a while though I could tell Matt was getting restless, so I broke the silence. "What's so interesting up there in that sky?" I asked, smiling at him. He looked down at me, his orange tinted eyes looking at me with a semi-serious expression, though he was smiling.

"Nothing realy, just thinking." he replied, looking back at the sky. "You know… a lot of girls like you.""Whoa. Hold on now, back up there Matt. What the hell are you talking about?" I asked, poking his ribs. This had been far from the topic I was hoping to talk about.

Matt only shrugged, looking down at the girls below. "I dunno. Kelly keeps staring at you - that's her name right? - and a few other girls too. Guys, too, but.. You know."

I frown. The statement was a weird one, for me at least. "Why bring that up?" I asked. I mean, I had already known people liked me - that wasn't me being stuck up or egoistic or anything, I just got a whole fuckload of chocolate on valentines day. Mostly from girls, a couple of daring guys. I always took the chocolate, of course, but I always rejected any hope of requiting their affection. The only person I would return it to is Matt, and I hadn't gotten anything from him. Not that I had been expecting it. I hadn't gotten a anything form him either. But I was childish, I guess, and still had that dwindle of hope that he would get me something.

I suppose not.

Matt shrugged at the question, tightening his hold around my waist without probably realizing it. "I dunno. You just… never talk to me about girls. I mean, I don't really want to, but I feel like I wish I knew who you liked and stuff, since I always hear the other orphans talking about it with their friends… is that weird?" his eyes rolled to look at me, and he reminded me of a puppy.

I felt awkward under his expectant gaze. What was I suppose to tell him? 'Actually, I don't talk about girls because I'm a flaming homosexual and I'm actually in love with you'? Um, how about no. "It's not weird.. But you know, I don't know who YOU like, either." I reminded him, giving him a stern look. I almost regretted it though - what if he actually did like someone? I almost didn't want to know. Matt frowned, seeming to consider it, his gaze sweeping over the crowd of people.

"I don't really like anyone," he muttered, eyes moving to look away from me. I flinched, immediately knowing he was lying, and narrowed my eyes. He was hiding something from me. Was it normal for friends to pry? I didn't really know.

Trying to sound like a normal, teasing friend, I poked him in the ribs again, gi ving him a teasing smile. "Common, you can tell me. I'm not going to freak out unless it's, like, Near, or something. I swear."Matt smirked at me, obviously taking the teasing well - he always did - but there was conflict in his eyes for a moment before he grinned and rolled them. "Oh yes, I'm definitely madly in love with Near," he said sarcastically, poking my ribs. Me, being the ticklish one, started giggling before I could stop myself, and all seriousness was lost, Matt tickling me to my death with one hand and holding me from falling off the back of my branch with the other. I howled and giggled, trying to hold back from being too loud. Luckily I don't think anyone heard me and I struggled to fight his attack of tickles off, but I couldn't seem to shake him. "Come on, tell me who you like first," he insisted, tickling me even more. I laughed crazily, trying to resist.

"No! No, stop I don't like anyone, I swear! AAAAH!" I squealed, trying to stop myself from sounding like a total freakin girl as I giggled, but I knew I was failing by the grin on Matt's face. "Okay, I'll tell you who I like, just stop tickling me!"

Matt sm iled and released me from the tickling, looking at me seriously. "Okay then - who?"I stared at him as seriously as I could muster, and said firmly, "I am madly in love…. With myself!" I announced, and flipped my hair behind my shoulder and posing in the most ridiculously egoistic way possible. Had this been a comic, I probably would have sparkled. Matt burst into laughter, smacking his forehead with the hand that wasn't wrapped around my waist. I grinned, trying not to giggle again.

"No, seriously, who?" Matt insisted, poking my ribs again, threatening to tickle me once more. I rolled my eyes.

"I told you, nobody. Everyone but you is an idiot here," I replied firmly.

Matt rolled his eyes, shaking his head. "okay, lemme rephrase the question. If you had to pick someone to go to that ridiculous fall ball to, who'd you pick?"I frowned, considering the question for a moment, trying to keep a serious look on my face. Before I could stop to think about it, I poked his shoulder and announced, "You!"Matt stared at me, gauging if I was serious, and I gave him a teasing smile. He laughed, shaking his head. "Dammit, you not going along with the game like your suppose to.""Well it's no fun, you suck at making games," I informed him, "Much better at playing them."Matt rolled his eyes. "Okay well, I'd go with you too then, if it makes you happy." He teased, poking my ribs again. I held back a giggle of joy, and I wondered how happy that really did make me, even if it was really just a joke.

**Matt**

Actually, I meant it. When I said I would go with him, I mean.

It was all just a giant joke though, which was okay with me. I was just happy he was in my arms, in this tree, with me, having this conversation in the first place. Glad he said he didn't like anyone. Glad that I was the exception to the 'everyone's an idiot' rule.

Glad he didn't fall when I tickled him. Glad he let me keep my arm around his waist even though it was past due that I move it away.

We sat there for a long time, about two hours I think, just chattering and commenting on girls and guys and how stupid Chad and Heather were the the sky and the shapes of the clouds and the dance and L and idiotic Near and wondering what was wrong with his legs and about Roger and his PMSing and about Linda and her nonstop jabbering. It was nice, just being here with him. In the month that we had been friends sine The Linda Thing it had been sort of awkward, and whenever Linda passed or talked to me Mello would give her a suspicious, angry glance. I was always kind of afraid he was going to try and snap her in half or something - which he could probably do in a heartbeat had he wanted to - but he never did. It was still awkward though, and I tried to avoid Linda and pretty much everyone else in the orphanage as much as possible, though Mello would sometimes tell me the at it was okay to hang out with other people when he noticed me obviously avoiding people. I always told him that I understood, but really the only friend I needed or wanted was Mello.

I know. Wrapped around his finger.

I get it.

No need to rub it in.

After a few moments of me pondering this Mello nudged my arm, bringing me back to reality and looking at him again. He was giving me _that look again, which told me he was about to start shooting out commands. I straightened up as he started speaking. "Alright, we need to go now, I'm getting itchy up in this tree. I'll go down first, come down after me, but if you fall on me I'll kick your ass," he said, as if informing me about what he saw on the news rather than what we were going to do to get out of the tree. I shrugged and nodded, trying to stop the bubbling laughter about the last part of his statement. He smirked and started shimmying his way down, carefully stepping from branch to branch. The going wasn't as fast as before, but I still liked watching him, that look of concentration frozen on his face. He always got that look when he was trying to do his very best._

_When he reached the bottom I shot him a smile and started my way down, too, trying very, very carefully not to slip. I stumbled a little at first when I snagged my shirt on a branch, but nothing enough to make me actually fall and landed on my feet at the bottom. Mello doesn't stop to check if I'm following, simply hurrying on ahead, a certain spring in his step. He was obviously eager to get back and I didn't try to slow him down, hurrying after him. _

_When we got inside I whispered, "What's the hurry?"Mello paused and peeked around his shoulder, shooting me a quick, nondescript smile and whispered, "The Mentalist is on."All I could do is smile. I had my Mello, and he hadn't changed a bit._


	13. Love Games

**Matt**

"And so then you divide the number of…" Mello…. Mello… Mello..~ "….and then you add…" Your hair is so pretty… I'm glad you sit in front of me… "and then add…" wow it's boring in here… I wonder what you would look like in a link outfit… "and get the sum of the…." …god I'm so bored…

I wasn't paying attention again, obviously, only getting tidbits of worthless information from the person teaching us in math class today. I didn't really mind though, I was having fun watching Mello. He was scribbling down notes, an intense look on his face. He always worked extra hard, and I admired that about him.

I was glad the awkwardness was gone, too. Ever since the Linda Accident, which was about a month ago, I had been on edge a little bit, because I kept being afraid that Linda was going to say something. She kept sneaking me grins and winks, but actually she never said anything. Girl of her word, I guess, because she kept silent. (Though actually what she had said was 'no promises' but apparently she thought it better not to start rumors about me and Mello. It was never a good idea to start a false rumor about Mello. Ever.) Thank god - I was relieved to have him still being my friend at this point.

"…so what's the answer to the question?" the short little woman at the front of the room asked, apparently having written something on the board. It was a complicated equation, but I did it in a few seconds in my head - she'd explained it in the few seconds I'd actually been listening. I didn't raise my hand though, instead just avoiding eye contact with the teacher, not wanting to answer. I didn't have to worry though, because Mello's hand shot up immediately. Another great thing about sitting behind Mello - he always raised his hand so you never had to.

"Eight-hundred and seven to the sixth power," Mello said as the short woman before him - was her name ? I couldn't remember - pointed to him. His face was stern and knowing, and he went back to scribbling notes before the instructor could even tell him that he was correct. I avoided the smile tugging on my lips. Mello was always so over confident, hand allays shooting up as fast as possible, probably trying to answer more questions than Near - which he usually did because Near was so quiet - even though it didn't count in the rankings.

He did have that kind of passion, for becoming number one. It made me kind of jealous - I'm so lazy, I don't even give a shit about my ranking, even though somehow I became number three because of raw smarts. I'm glad I'm number three though, because that means I'm right beside Mello in the rankings. I know, pathetic sidekick puppy dog thing, but I was pretty much beyond caring about that at t his point.

I wonder if Mello knows how much I would do for him? Including, you know, ANYTHING. That's including--

"Matt, do you know the answer?"I flinch, realizing the teacher was looking at me. _Dammit. _I was just looking at the board when Mello's eyes flicked to me and he tapped his paper absently with his fingernails, clickclickclick. I looked at the paper and read it out loud, automatically understanding. "Seventy eight to the tenth power," I said, looking up at the teacher. She didn't see Mello's absent movement, obviously, because she stared at me in bewilderment, obviously knowing that I was zoning out before, but let it slide and continued talking. I sighed with relief, tapping Mello's foot with mine to let him know I was thankful. I couldn't see Mello's face, but I was pretty sure he was smiling.

**Mello**

I wasn't a cheater, but that teacher was pissing me off. She kept purposefully calling on the students who were spacing out, which was completely unfair, since we were all geniuses and if we weren't paying attention it meant we didn't care bout our ranking or we had already learned it, or, in matt's case, didn't need to pay attention because he's so annoyingly smart.

And so… I cheated. Shut up, I cheated. It wasn't like it was a test or anything.

Right when I was feeling satisfaction though, feeling Matt tap his foot against mine - that really made me feel awesome, because somehow with that little touch I knew I had made him happy - it was ruined because suddenly I really, really had to go to the bathroom.

I know. Too much information, but I really didn't want to leave at that moment. I wanted to stay and keep sneaking grins at Matt from behind me, keep hating that teacher for picking on Matt, keep just being there because I was elated. But of course I couldn't, because well, I'm a guy and when I have to go I simply have to go.

I won't go into it, but I hurried to the boys restroom - which was becoming more and more awkward for me after coming out to myself, by the way - and made my way into the stalls to relieve myself.

…I'm not going to go into that.

After I was done with, well, that, I slipped out of the stall, yawning. Classes had tired me out more than usual today, and I suddenly didn't feel like going back to the classroom that previously I had been dying to stay in. Classes were exhausting, especially once it hit Friday. I loved learning and all, but I really just wanted it to be weekend so I could hang out with Matt. It was a long weekend, since the Fall Ball was on Monday. I stopped in the mirror automatically, fluffing out my hair and piecing it back behind my ears, fixing my bangs. It was almost an automatic thing now, and I suddenly found myself wondering if Matt found me pretty.

Ha. Pretty. I was a guy, why would he think that? I mean, I'd been told I looked like a girl - did I really look that much like a girl? - but I wasn't pretty. Sexy was more what I was hoping for, since tat fit either gender, but Matt… was straight and most definitely not going to ask me to any stupid Fall Ball. Not that I wanted to even go, I guess. What, stand around, not even dancing because everyone was too awkward to dance, listening to obnoxiously loud hit singles from some musical singer that nobody but maybe a few even knew about since we were isolated geniuses who didn't really give a shit about what was 'cool' expert the stupider of us? Listen to a bunch of girls giggle, watch the bullies smirk and make quiet whispers about the people who weren't as attractive or cool, point at people? Watch guys make fools of themselves and hit on girls? No, I would rather do what we did last year - I would rather just stay in the room, chugging soda and eating chocolate, giggling and laughing about how stupid the dance was, having our own private party in the bedroom, laughing - or rather giggling on my part, err - and teasing each other.

That was what fun was.

I smiled at myself once I was pleased with the way I looked, giving myself a confident smile in the mirror and feeling very much like a flaming homosexual but suddenly not caring about it, shoving any words my mother might have once said out of my mind. 'You're dead, bitch, stay out of my head,' I thought bluntly, even though I regretted the thought as it escaped my brain, but I ignored the guilt, stalking out of the bathroom.

I was so determined to make a good appearance when I reentered the classroom - even though probably it would be more like 'hi I'm Mello I just got back from taking a piss, how are ya?' it didn't matter to me at the moment - I almost didn't see Kelly standing outside the boys restroom.

Two questions entered my mind as I spotted her. One, what the hell was she doing standing outside the GUYS restroom, and why was she grinning at me with that sluttish grin on her face?

"Meellooo, heyyy," she said, drawing out her words as she strutted towards me, a sly smirk on her face. At least, as sly as a total ditz could get, which wasn't very sly in my book but it seemed to work on the majority of the guys at my school. Might have worked on me, too, if she were a redhead, a little shorter and flat chested, and had goggles. And a you know, the penis she obviously lacked.

For some reason I replied, "Hey." Not sure why I greeted her in a friendly way, I shifted my weight, giving her a hard look as she stopped in front of me, her shirt hanging too low as she smiled at me in a way that for a moment made me think of the black haired whore that Matt had encountered at the bar, only with smaller boobs and an obvious lack of alcohol use.

Seeming to be satisfied with my fake, accidental greeting she grinned and leaned forward. "Hey, you know the dance is coming up," she started, and before I could stop her ,her hand was tracing down my arm. I couldn't think for a second, my thoughts blurring. I wanted to run away an equal amount as the amount as I wanted to punch her in the jaw, which seemed to equal out and make me do neither somehow. "And you know, I'm totally available, and I wouldn't mind going with you…" she continued, drawing out her last words as if it were the most appealing offer in the universe.

I felt my face drop into a scowl automatically, and I took a step backwards, glowering at her. "Look here, I'm not going to the stupid dance. Especially not with you," I add harshly. I expected her face to drop or at least have her look a little surprised, but she didn't. She only smirked at me.

"Ah, same cold reaction I figured I'd get," she laughed, a mischievous, naughty kind of laugh that I didn't like in the sl ightest, and I found myself thinking of Matt's laugh, that loud, addictive laughter that you couldn't help but start laughing at too, even if the joke it was triggered by was making fun of you. Her laugh was ice, no warmth at all in it, and she stalked forward, suddenly right beside me, too close, her hands slipping up to my chest. I froze, unable to move to push her away, the 'slut' effect taking me by surprise. I was definitely a homosexual, I realized, and I felt myself shudder at the feeling of her breasts pressing against my flat chest, not liking the feeling. She seemed to take my shudder in the wrong way though, the smirk dancing across her lips widening. "You're just stubborn, aren't you. You know you want to go - why not with me, huh? Maybe you'll get lucky."Get lucky? I suddenly felt myself laughing, and not the giggle either. The laugh that escaped my lips was cruel and condescending, and it came out of me before I knew it was coming. The girls face contorted a little in confusion, her previous composure breaking, and I grabbed her wrists, moving them off my chest and forcing her to take a step back. "Lucky?" I hissed, still laughing that demonic laugh I couldn't stop from coming up from my chest. "You think I want you? I don't want you, I don't want your dates and I don't want your sex or your fake smiles and smutty outfits. I'm not turned on by you, and even if I was going to the stupid fall ball, I wouldn't go with you. I'd rather go with Near than you, bitch, and I hate that little albino freaks guts."Kelly's face contorted in an ugly way, her bleach blonde hair falling over part of her face. I could tell she was angry, a pissed look flickering in her eyes and for a moment I could tell I had won, at least for a few moments, until her face suddenly turned from a grimace to a smirk. "Fine. Maybe I'll just ask your little redhead friend instead," she whispered, her eyes narrowing and her smirk widening as she said it.

It got to me. She knew it, I could tell, because there was satisfaction in her eyes when I flinched without meaning to. "Why would I care about that?" I hiss half-heartedly, trying to keep the composure I had. She only grinned at me, and for a moment the look in her eyes reminded me of myself, only much more sluttish.

"Of course you wouldn't care," she whispered, her voice teasing me in the cruelest way, hands slipping from my grip easily now as her sluttish hands whisper to my chin, arching it downwards slightly to look at her, and I realized I was only slightly taller than her. "You're not gay, right? So you wouldn't care… if I just stole his first kiss, hmm? Maybe I'll just steal the first kiss off those cute little lips of his." she whispered, and did this really slutty thing where she licked her lips as she said it. I felt a sudden wave of conflicting emotions - if I punched her or showed reaction, she would know that would upset me. But if I didn't, she'd probably do it anyway.

I didn't want to, I knew it was a stupid thing, but the words came from my mouth before I could stop them. "You wouldn't dare," I growled, grabbing her shoulders and shoving her roughly away from me, making her stumble back, "He wouldn't even go for a slut like you, even if you did."

The jealous rage in my stomach flared up more as she peeked up at me again, her smirk breaking into a slutty giggle. "Oh, you have no idea what I can do, sweet Mells, dear," she hissed. She continued with her slutty little display and chatter, but I couldn't hear her. I just heard her call me Mells.

It didn't sound good coming from her. Mells was the nickname only Matt called me. He was the one, the only one, who was allowed to call me that. And without really pausing to think about it, I slapped her.

Right across the face, like a fucking girl.

But it certainly surprised her enough, because she leapt back, her eyes wide and shocked. But the shock only lasted a few moments, and she grinned at me.

The bell rang before she could reply, and my legs forced me to leave, body still shaking with rage.

**Matt**

Mello didn't return to the classroom.

I didn't really want to think of the various reasons why that might be. I hoped it wasn't anything, like, gross, but that wouldn't be as bad as what I truly suspected, which was that he had run into someone on the way to or from the restroom. That boy tended to attract violence like a lamp to a moth - not that he couldn't handle it, that was hardly what I was worrying about as I got up from my desk. It was that he had started a fight and gotten in trouble - it would suck to have him get grounded when we were going to hang out after class today.

As the mass of students exited the classrooms my eyes automatically scanned the hallway. He usually waited for me beside the water fountain in the middle of the hallway when we didn't have the class together, but I didn't know where to find him now, and I wasn't about to actually check the restrooms. That would be beyond awkward, and I hated using the public restrooms here because of, well, the whole homosexuality thing. I wasn't a pervert, but the rumors always made people look at me funny. I didn't like that at all - it wasn't like I was there to rape them or something, I went into the restroom for the same reason as everyone else - to take a goddamn piss.

Shoving the angry rant out of my mind I pressed through the crowd of chattering students in search for a familiar face, but I didn't see Mello or Near - I was only looking for Near because he always somehow had a general idea of where everyone was - but I didn't see him anywhere.

I frowned, disappointed in the lack of best friend beside me, lingering around in the hallway. It was a free period, and I didn't want to just stand around the entire time looking for Mello. We hadn't planned anything specific, so just heading to the place we had planned wasn't an option. Letting out a sigh I headed for the general direction of the restrooms, hoping that I wouldn't actually have to go in looking for him.

"Matty! Matty!"

I halted, hearing the nickname come shouting down the hallway after me. I was almost relieved and happy, except the voice wasn't Mellos. It was Kellys.

Why the hell was she calling me Matty?

I turned around anyway, unable to ignore the consistently annoying calling voice of the girl running after me. She was a pretty girl, I guessed, but not particularly attractive to me. She had long blonde hair, only a little longer than Mello's but it wasn't a golden blonde like his was, instead more of a bleached out blonde that I didn't think was natural because her skin was too tan for it. She had blue eyes, too, but not an icy blue like Mello's but instead a greenish blue that was pretty but, like I said, I compared very single girl to Mello now a day and really she wasn't anything close to him.

"Uh, hi?" I greeted half-heartedly, automatically adjusting my goggles more securely over my eyes. She smiled at me, not a nice smile exactly, more of a smirk. But not a happy smirk, more like a scary smirk, like the way I imagined a lion hunting some innocent animal would smirk, if it could. That made me extremely uncomfortable, that thought.

But the girl didn't seem to notice my uneasiness, or chose to ignore it, because she came way too close to me, her extremely large chest-area brushing my arm, which I quickly moved away. I guess breasts are great on girls and all, but I'm kind of a homosexual, so…

"Hey, Matt, I'm sooo glad I finally found you! I was looking everywhere!" She said, fanning herself as if she'd been running, which I didn't think she was considering the pace she was talking, which I wanted to point out, but I instead I just blurted out, "Uh, why?"

The girls face flashed to irritation for a second before going back to that smile, which now that I thought about it reminded me more of a housecat stalking a mouse than a lion, since she wasn't really scary enough to be a lion. "Well," she started, once again closing the distance between her chest and me, which was extremely uncomfortable, her hand moving to my hand, which I immediately wanted to pull away. "I was just wondering if you were busy this afternoon."Yes, yes I was busy this afternoon, I had a Mello to follow around.

"Uh, I don't know, I think so," is all I manage though, and her face goes to mock sadness, a pout face - nothing close to the heart-wrenching pout mello can put on, by the way - and I feel her hands creep up my arms and stop at my cheeks, her eyes narrowing in that flirtatious way.

"Awwww…. Really? Because…" her hands inched upwards a little more, brushing through my hair. Which made me want to scream at her to stop, but if I did I knew the people in the hallway would see us and I really didn't want that to happen. "…I was really hoping to hang out with you tonight."I didn't like the way she talked, like she knew me or something. I'm just moving away when I hear a voice call me from the hallway. "Matt!"

I flinch in surprise, because it's Mello's voice, and of course NOW he shows up, at the worst time possible. Kelly's face doesn't falter though, and she's already clung her way around me so I couldn't turn around. I hiss under my breath and my hands go to her shoulders, pulling her away from me. "Stop tha--""Matt-- oh."

The voice is right beside me now, and I see the blonde I had been looking for looming beside me, icy blue gaze on the both of us. Kelly pretends to be surprised he was there - as if she didn't hear him coming - but I shove her away immediately, shooting her a warning look before going back to looking at Mello, not pausing to look at the girls furious face. "Mell--"I'm cut off when Mello's hand clasps around mine and I'm suddenly being dragged in the other direction without a word from the blonde as he half led, half dragged me across the now mostly deserted hallway towards the stairs.

"M-Mells, you don't understand," I hurriedly stammered, face burning with embarrassment from the situation and shame that I seemed to have no ability to do anything to push her away until Mello had shown up. Was I that weak that I just stumbled under the lust of some girl that I didn't know? I mean, I had no lust for her, but that look in her eyes had trapped me, somehow. I was only thirteen it wasn't like I was used to this, you know? (Almost fourteen, though, so I guess that excuse is dead.)

Mello made no move to reply to me, only continuing to storm his way towards the stairs. I couldn't make myself move to stop him, but panic was boiling inside me, making my face burn more than before. Was he angry at me? Usually when he was he'd snap at me, but now he was just furiously dragging me away from the scene.

"M-Mells!" I gasp as I trip over the last few stairs, but he doesn't seem to notice, jerking me back up again and dragging me towards our room, never giving me a good look at his face to see his expression. Worry floods through me and I hurry my pace to stop from being dragged.

When we make it to our doors I halt myself, though, not allowing myself to be dragged all the way into the room, though the clutch on my hand doesn't go away. "Mello! Please, just let me explain, I did-didn't--""Shut up."I freeze. The voice that Mello used was one full of blank, blunt annoyance, the kind of voice you'd use when telling a dog to sit or lay down when it was being overly hyper. An order. My mouth clamps shut, despite the shame it rises in the back of my head, and allow myself to be dragged all the way into the bedroom.

He releases me when I'm all the way in, the circulation in my hand returning, and he slams the door shut, his face still opposite mine so I'm forced to stare at his back as he seethes.

What had happened to the happiness we had shared in the classroom, that silent joy? What had happened? I felt myself become desperate, reaching out mentally for anything from Mello. I didn't care if it was out of apology or out of anger or even just another blunt order, I just needed…anything.

I got the back of his head again.

"M-Mells…" I manage a whisper, forgetting the 'shut up' order without thinking about it, but Mello doesn't seem to care. I notice he's shaking a little bit, and I decide to move on my own, taking a cautious step forward and reaching my hand out to rest it on his shoulder.

It's only just grazed his skin when he whirls around, startling the hell out of me and making my hand jerk away automatically. His face is burning with a furious blush, lips pressed into a thin angry line, but his eyes contradicting in the way that they were wide and blue, ridden with sorrow. I didn't understand, so I only stood there, staring at him with a face that I knew was desperate one, silently begging him to speak.

**Mello**

That bitch.

That bitch had gotten to him first.

You should have seen Matt's face, that whore clinging all over him. He looked so blank, so completely and utterly shocked. As if he couldn't believe he was talking to her or something. At first I t thought that might mean he had no attraction to that whore - though I had a feeling that wasn't the case if he was indeed straight - but as soon as I showed up his face got horrified. It as only then hat he pushed her away, and now here he was, apologizing and begging for forgiveness that I can't give him.

I can't forgive him not for the reasons you think - I cant forgive him because he hasn't done anything wrong. He wasn't even flirting with Kelly, and even if he had been….

It wasn't any of my business. But I was jealous - dammit, I thought I was over this stupid jealousy thing after the Linda thing, but now it was even worse. Because the way she flirted with him was a direct attack on me after the hallway run in, I knew, and it made me feel absolutely furious.

The door slams shut behind me, and I can't face him. Can't look at him because I know he's looking at me with that puppy dog face, desperate and begging. I know if I turn around I'll automatically forgive him, and probably break down and become that weakling self I am when I'm alone with him. I can't help it, nobody could with that face.

I wondered if Kelly or Linda had ever seen that face. That desperate face that Matt, MY matt, showed only to me. Or at least, I thought he did.

I wondered if anyone else here had seen his eyes.

Those beautiful green eyes, those eyes that would force me to give him everything and anything. Those eyes that were on MY Matty. The Matt that I owned, that was MINE, that somehow in my mind belonged to me. He was not for rent. He was mine, he was my first love, my first friend, the first person I'd ever slept in the same bed with that I wasn't related to.

'_Maybe I'll just steal the first kiss off those cute little lips of his.'_

That slut's voice whispered through me, and I felt myself stiffen with anger, remembering that threat. Remembering the threat to steal what I wanted so much, which was Matt. Matt's first kiss couldn't be to her. It was unacceptable. I couldn't let him give that or anything else to that slut.

I found myself whirling around without any warning to me or apparently Matt, because his previously reaching hand whipped around and he jumped back, eyes wide. I was right - he did have that puppy dog look in his eyes, but it wasn't the same as usual, more confused and less desperate. But he was looking at me in such a way that asked 'what did I do wrong? Have I been bad?' Like the way a puppy look at you when they'd chewed up your favorite shoes.

I felt so many thoughts flashing through me at once, my nerves crashing into my shame and I took a few steps back, bumping into the wall, feeling my face burning with a blush. Matt watched me, studying me with big, confused eyes, but I could barely look at him. I just kept imagining Kelly as she draped over him, that flirtatious look in her eyes, like one of those creepy venues fly trap things that catch flies in their mouth or something. Matt, staring at her like she was from outer space, shocked at her sudden appearance. I knew what she was trying to do. She was trying to steal Matt, probably trying to get an excuse to kiss him. To beat me in this evil, torturous game of lust.

I hated it.

"Mells," Matt whispered, taking a few steps towards me. I can't move, I'm just standing there against the wall, my lips pressed together, trying to contain all my emotions. His hands move to rest on my shoulders, and I shiver under his touch, resisting the urge to touch him back. "Mells, I'm sorry," he whispered, "I was trying to find you, honestly, I wasn't meaning to hurt you, she came out of no where, and.."His voice trailed off, his goggled eyes searching mine desperately. Breaking my cold exterior from the inside out, shattering the barrier and allowing the emotion to leak through. Slowly resolution takes me over and my hands slowly reach up, closing around the goggles around his eyes. Carefully I pull them away from his eyes to rest on his forehead, my hands not moving from his face, taking in his green eyes. The green eyes that were staring at me with wide eyes, the cheeks they resided above now pink with blush, his red hair fluffed out around his face. His face is warm against my hands - had he blushed when Kelly touched hr like this?"M-Mells?" Matt whispered my nickname again, with those pink lips that the fight had been about, that held the first kiss I needed so badly somehow. His eyes were wide, searching, and I realize how close my face is to his. His hands are still on my shoulders, but they tighten a little, obviously not understanding why I was acting this way.

But I didn't have the effort to hold back anymore, and I leaned upwards, pulling his head closer to mine as I closed my eyes, closing the space between our lips, pressing myself against him, hands tangling in his hair to keep him from moving away in surprise. He didn't move, frozen, as I pressed my lips on his. It was like fire, almost, both our first kisses whisked away in that reflexive movement, his hands tightening in surprise around my shoulders.

The kiss only lasted a few seconds, but it felt so…nice. I wanted it to last forever, because it felt good, because I loved him, but most of all I didn't want to face his reaction when I finally broke away. But breathing was a must, unfortunately, and I had to break the kiss, dropping backwards against the wall, releasing him completely from my grasp.

I stared at him, and his reaction was what I expected. Just shock. Just staring at me, not understanding, his face burning, mouth clamped shut as his hands rushed to cover it, as if not believing what had just happened. But I had won, and I found a tiny mischief of a smile creep across my lips.

"I'm your first kiss, Matt," I whispered, poking his arm and staring him in those huge, shocked green eyes. "Don't forget that. Nobody else is allowed to have you. Not Kelly or Linda or May or anyone. I win."

Matt just stared at me. I didn't see it in his eyes, there was nothing, only searching, searching my eyes. He didn't even react. He only stared, eyes searching my face, my body language, and I saw him trying to figure. As if asking ME how he was suppose to react.

As if he couldn't even think for himself anymore. Had I used him that much? Did I think I owned him so much that I could control everything he did, right down to his very feelings and thoughts, right down to the person he liked?

And then I turned and walked out the door, unable to face him anymore with such shame in my heart. I'd stolen that kiss, and for what?

It didn't change anything.

_A/N: This chapter... is confusin a little -facedesk- hopefully you can still understand it. ^_^'_

Bad boy, Mells, stealing Mattys first kiss -tisktisk- without even confessing first, goddamit.

_I hope you all hate Kelly as much as i do 8D_

_...the next chapter has much angst and emo and.... Near. :C DUNDUNDUN... however its not finishd yet so lol u has u wait. _


	14. Lost

**Matt**

He kissed me.

He kissed me.

He kissed me.

He kissed me.

**He. Kissed. **_**Me.**_

I didn't know how to react. I didn't know how I was _suppose _to react. What did Mello expect? I didn't know what I wanted him to expect. I wanted to grab him and return the kiss as passionately as I'd always longed to. I wanted to slap him for kissing me and leading me to think hopeful thoughts without any idea weather or not he actually wanted me. I wanted to run away.

I wanted to please him.

"I'm your first kiss, Matt," he suddenly whispered, poking his arm and staring right into my eyes with those icy blue beauties of his. "Don't forget that. Nobody else is allowed to have you. Not Kelly or Linda or May or anyone. I win."

I win?

I win?He won?

Won what?

Didn't he already know he had me?But then he stepped away, and I saw a look of both shame and victory cross his face, and he turned away and left. Just.. Left me.

I felt my emotions and false hopes shatter as the door shut. What had he meant by that? 'I win.' Win against who? What did that kiss mean? Was it just a game? Just another contest? Just another act to become number one? Was I just another pawn?

Why did he mention Kelly?

I stumbled and automatically collapsed to the bed, breathing hard. _'I'm your first kiss, Matt.' _Mello's voice echoed in my head. It was true. He was my first kiss. That kiss that I had wanted so badly from no one else but him, and I had received it only to make mello… what? Happy? Victorious?

..shameful? The look in Mello's eyes at the very last moment confused me. I didn't know what to think. What was I suppose to think? My mind was blurred, confusion the only thing in front of me. I knew I should be angry. My first kiss, poof, gone, and somehow to the person who had placed the kiss it meant… nothing. Nothing? I didn't know what Mello felt on that kiss.

I knew what I felt. I remember the shock as the warm, soft lips pressing against mine, the sudden closeness, Mello's eyes closing as he closed in on me, his slender, gentle hands caressed around my face, fingertips resting just beneath my eyes. I felt the rush of fire, the emotions pulsing through me all at once. Shock, happiness, confusion, disbelief…. Love. The almost irresistible urge to lace my fingers through that blonde hair of his and take over the kiss, to return the pressure on my lips, to pull him closer to me. But the confusion countered the feeling. What if he reacted badly? What if that wasn't what he meant by the action? Just when I was trying to figure it out, the moment was gone and I had done nothing but stare at him.

And now he was gone and I couldn't even ask him.

Was he coming back? Somehow I felt he wasn't going to. I felt the overwhelming need to chase after him. He needed to know, he needed to know now, before the moment was either buried in memories we - he - wanted to forget or completely shattered our friendship. For better or worse, he needed to know what I was feeling.

I didn't hink, I just acted, swinging out of the room to search for him.

**Near**

Being at the intelligence level that I am, I'm not exactly used to being completely and utterly shocked.

That day I was.

I was just minding my own business, making my slow progress to my room, hand tracing the wall for any need of immediate grapple for balance, opening my door, and…

I was greeted by a familiar blonde hunched over in the middle of my floor, clutching a pillow like a lifesorce and sobbing like a baby.

Yeah. I know. I was surprised too.

Never in my entire stay here at Wammys did I expect to see Mello in my room, much less overflowing with emotion like this. I could tell he had stormed in with a fit of rage, because my what-was-once-a tower of blocks was scattered around the floor now. I wasn't sure to react. Mello's head whipped upwards, immediately trying to compose himself into a glare, but it wasn't working. I could see his composure shattering even still, the fire that was once behind the ice in his eyes now dying out. I'm not a very emotional person, but that moment kind of scared me, and I felt myself falling to my knees as always, beside him before I could think of the possible consequences. Once I was beside him, though, I was afraid he was going to hurt me, but he didn't. He just started crying harder.

"D-dammit!" he howled, wiping his eyes frantically. "What the hell are you doing here so early!?"

"It is my room, you know," I replied, trying to make my voice gentle, but it wasn't a think I was skilled out - people often tell me my voice was monotone. The blonde glowered at me, but seemed to see the logic I my statement and went quiet. I frowned. "Did something happen with Matt?"Mello flinched, immediately telling me I was right, and he sniffed, wiping his eyes again. "F-fuck you…" he muttered, squeezing his knees closer to his chest, looking all the more like a girl. It made me a little uncomfortable, seeing all this emotion that I fear I can never feel even if I tried, but I kept myself from acting out. "Y-you better not tell anyone you saw me like this, you hear? I'll break your arms to m-match your stupid legs.""Why did you come here?" I ask, still genuinely confused by the fact he was here in my room and completely ignoring the jab - I didn't take notice of things like that, I was far too used to them by now.

And then something weird happened.

**Mello**

The only reason I had gone into Nears room was because I knew Matt would come looking for me. And of all the places that I knew he would search, I knew he wouldn't search here. I wouldn't even search here if I were searching for _myself. _I'd come in kicking and screaming, angry at myself and the world, angry at Kelly for making me act this way, hating my mother for raising me so unsure of who I was, hated Matt for being so damn useable, hated Near for leaving his blocks in the way as I kicked them out of my way, hated the floor for being so hard when I collapsed into a bundle of tears.

It was weird though. Near kept just looking at me, like he was honestly trying to understand the pain I was in. Maybe he really was. I hated the little freak, but I was kind of touched he still acted this way. Biting my lip I looked down at my feet.

"Why did you come here?" he asked in that monotone voice, still no emotion crossing his voice nor his face, his dead gray eyes staring at me in a certain, tiny twitch of a way that told me he was listening. I frowned. What did he even care about me? Didn't he know I hated him with a passion?

"Why should I tell you?" I mutter, looking away and desperately trying to avoid breaking into tears again. I see the albino move to sit more comfortably beside me, his face still blank as he fiddled with a yellow Uno card absently.

"You shouldn't if you don't want to. You've always been the type to pent everything up," he commented, and I squirmed uncomfortably because that was true. I sighed angrily - the annoying little twit would find out what had happened in his own way anyway, I figured, and honestly I was just needing to let it out for once.

Looking at my feet and knowing I was blushing angrily, I hissed, "It's all Kelly's fault."

After that it all just kind of spilled out. I wasn't exactly talking to Near, just talking, letting all my thoughts and feelings and emotions pour out. I knew I was crying through most of it, and that I sounded like a whiny brat. But I couldn't help it. I told him everything. About how Kelly hit on me, how she threatened me with Matt when I rejected her, the way I had completely broken down into a premature jealous rage, how I h ad only wanted to warn him, to let him decide what to do, but when I saw them there I had just exploded. I told him how I dragged him away. I told him about the kiss. I told him how he just stared at me. I told him how I had run here in a mess, even though he already knew that. I told him about the shameful ness, about how I used him so much already.

I told him everything.

And then I slumped and went silent, the tears all wasted and dried on my cheeks, Near just staring at me as if witnessing some shocking, impossible event happen. You almost couldn't see it, the surprise in his eyes, but it was there, dim behind the dead, gray film that colored his staring eyes, his mouth twitching the tiniest bit. A smile? I didn't know. I didn't care. I just stared at my feet again, trying to hide the shame. I was ashamed at everything, and I was scared, too - that shameful fear that I had broken something important.

Suddenly Near took both edges of the card and tore it, slowly, making a long, ripping sound. I flinched and looked up, seeing it in two, one piece in each of his hands. He looked at me seriously. "You're separated now, then. Are you going to tape it back together?"I frown. "Huh?""Are you going to tape it back together?"I stare at him, slowly taking in the meaning of what he was saying, and look away again, frowning. "I don't know if I can..."

We were silent for a long while, just sitting there. It was strange, being in the same room as Near and not wanting to twist his head off like one of those babies. Not that I'd ever torn one of their heads of intentionally - I freakin loved those Barbie things when I was little. Yeah, I know. Don't laugh at me. I especially liked Army Barbie, because she had a gun but still had cool clothes.

Yeah, I know. Stop grinning like an idiot.

"This doesn't make us friends, you know," I growl under my breath, but Near still hears me. "Just because I'm telling you this doesn't mean I like you."A startling sound escapes his lips, a kind of scratchy coughing, hiccup sound. I stare at him for a long time, seeing his eyes dance for just a second, and I realize it was suppose to be a laugh. It only lasts a few seconds before he shakes his head and returns to his usual monotone expression. "I know, Mello. I never expect you to like me. We can just be friends while you're in this room - after you leave I'll just forget about it. You don't have to worry about that.""…" I didn't know how to reply to that, my mouth opening a little to reply but having no way to. Was that a laugh? I didn't even think an ice cube was capable of laughing.

"Do you really love that boy?" Near suddenly asked, his eyes still boring into me. I flinch at the question and am tempted to flick him off for asking, but I guess it was an honest question. Since we're temporary friends. The thought made me smile a little bit, the idea of being friends so unappealing normally that it was almost an impossible notion, but I make it go away immediately, jerking my gaze away from his, but I can still feel him staring at me.

Do I really love that boy? Matt. I did love him. I guess I couldn't deny that now. Loved that stupid little grin, loved those goggles, loved the beautiful green eyes that were underneath them, loved his milky white skin, loved his contrasting red hair, loved how his hand would graze mine sometimes when he was trying to catch up, loved the way he always readily followed me everywhere I went, loved the way he didn't even have to talk to be close to me, loved the way he played his stupid little game with his nose practically pressed against it when it got intense, loved the way he called me Mells, loved the way he hugged me, loved the way he held me when I cried, loved the way he never judged me, loved the way he never complained when I ranted, loved the way he ignored me when I wanted to be ignored, loved the way he'd always look at me in class as if to make sure I hadn't left him, loved how he said he loved my annoying little giggle, loved his eagerness to watch Johnny Depp movies, loved the way he never forgot our anniversary, loved that he even cared, and I loved…him. All of him. Right down to the annoying way he never showered unless I reminded him.

I think he knew before I said it, because I was blushing and grinning unintentionally before I nodded. "Y-yeah. I do," I murmured, fiddling with the cloth at the bottom of my pants. My face twisted with embarrassment and annoyance and I blurted, "Not like it even matters - we're both guys. He doesn't like me back. I don't even think he swings that way."Near blinked, watching me carefully, then rolled his eyes - again, didn't know that was within the ability of an ice cube, but… - making me growl in annoyance. "What?""It's just you're so smart… and so dense at the same time. But it's not my story to tell," he said, almost warily. I squirmed where I sat, trying to unclog my thoughts. I couldn't think clearly right now though - had he called me smart? That wasn't expected. He also called me dense. That was annoying.

I frown and shake my head, resting my chin on my knees and trying to resist the urge to tackle him and scream at him to tell me what he meant by that. I was the one who invaded his privacy after all. And besides, it was hard to be violent when nothing but a lovable redhead was playing through your mind.

'_I'll be your friend no matter what.'_

I smiled, remembering the day he said that. Would he contradict that now?

Even if he didn't, would it be the same?

"Mello, I know you're upset, but you can't just stay here. Matt's going to search for you, you know, and I have a feeling he'll be panicking if you stay hidden for too long. I won't say anything but…"

Suddenly a thought rushed to my mind, blocking out what Near was saying now. A memory, flashing to my mind from two years ago, outside my room, my redhead with eh punch mark on his chin.

_There was a desperate look in Matt's searching puppy dog eyes, and I knew he'd been hurt by whatever they'd said to him before he'd taken the blow. But then Matt's expression was changing from despair to determination, and I remembered the surprise when he reached out and took my hands in his, squeezing them tight. "It doesn't matter though, Mells," he whispered, "It doesn't matter to me if all of it's true, I still want to be friends with you, okay? I'm not going to abandon you, so you can't leave me either, okay?"_

_Then, my voice, my hands, pulling the goggles from his eyes. "Matty, you're an idiot…"_

"…you couldn't get away if you tried," I whispered, knowing the last line of the memory by heart. Near jumped a little, obviously cutting off from whatever he had been saying. I looked up at him, feeling tears stinging my eyes, and without really thinking bout it I bundled him into a bear hug. He just sort of awkwardly sits there in my arms as I squeeze him, trying to get out a silent thank you before I pull away and jump to my feet. Near stared at me, bewilderment in his eyes, and I say quietly, "I hope I don't ever really kill you, Near." That's as much as a thank you as I can get out as I turn and run from t he door, our temporary kindness towards each other shattering as I took that first step through the door to find the boy I loved.

_A/N: SHOCK! It's… A NICE TO NEAR CHAPTER :C also, lots of angst XD I told you I'd try and be nicer to Near-kinz. I do like t hat guy. This is NOT MxN, mind you, even when they hug. It's just friendship. Err, temporary kindness XD I guess Mello has a thing against hating people when he's in their room or something. Irk._

_Anyway, here's this chapter I did when I should have been working on makeup work. Dammit, you guys, just dammit. XD_


End file.
